Mount Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 (edited) As much as I don't want to post this, but I have to update you that things got Things got drastic 180 degree change after Monday. I feel like it is a comical, or kind of ridiculous..... Bascially Sunday when he told wife that he wants to separation first, then brought lots of his stuff/lugguage/everything to my place which I did not expect (that he would bring so many stuff), we spent Sunday together. Monday we both went to work, and after going home he told me that he could not do this anymore, needs to go back home. I let him go..and the ridiculous part is that I tried to warn him again and again previously, please think through before making the move, but he insisted that he wanted to make the split with wife/marriage. Now he said his wife forgave him and also is not angry at me either, because he said to his wife it was all his fault. I guess it is the clean end now. He is angry at himself he is letting me down, bailed out. I am just speechless, but not angry or sad per say. Also I quite don't understand he is at his such old age, how come he is doing thing in such impulsion, telling wife his leaving and brought all his stuff, clothes, luggage, IT stuff to my place, then after one day, he changed mind.... Act like a teen. Edited June 5, 2013 by Mount
Author Mount Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 Oh...not really, it is an eye opening event for me as well. Now it makes me have no mood to carry A with him...I suppose...:o:o:p (((Mount))) I'm so sorry. that is awful.
spice4life Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Sorry Mount. That's what usually happens in these situations and that's why I worked over time to keep walls up and not expect anything.
Author Mount Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 (edited) I was clearly aware that, and I have repeatly warned him so many times - that if he would change mind later he should not done anything, I asked him to think through then make decision or make move. And isn't funny that he moved back and forth in such short time, along with his so much stuff. Even I told him he did not need to leave house to my place at all, even he did ask for separation...etc Guess I was right.... Also I don't feel mad at all to him, but will I feel angry later? Sorry Mount. That's what usually happens in these situations and that's why I worked over time to keep walls up and not expect anything. Edited June 5, 2013 by Mount
threelaurels Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I'm sorry you had to go through that. Sounds like he really got your hopes up and then dashed them pretty quickly. I think you are probably still in shock and may feel an emotional rollercoaster of anger/sadness/loss over the next few weeks. You may find yourself grieving the loss of your relationship with him and the future you were hoping for. It's natural. What will you do now? Go NC with him?
Praying4Peace Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I'm sorry Mount, I hope you are doing okay and taking care of yourself. He will not be happy for a long time- this I can say with full confidence. He cannot handle negative emotions and the guilt he felt that pushed him to go home is going to raise its head in the form of letting YOU go. Don't even let him do the "I apologize, please see me as a good guy" dance. Teach him a lesson and do not even look his way, if possible.
Author Mount Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 To be honest, when he stayed at my place with all his stuff, I had strange feeling too, felt like how come I would really enter a relationship with him coz I need to accept everything about him. Yes his sudden change surprises me, but somehow I feel relieved in certain level....guess affair bubble is gone, we both had eye opening realization. That is certain there should be no affair with him anymore, how could I continue to have the mood. I really don't think so. The MM told me that he is very sorry about his behavior, and also feel so low in his mind, to let me down...but guess it is what it is right now. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Sounds like he really got your hopes up and then dashed them pretty quickly. I think you are probably still in shock and may feel an emotional rollercoaster of anger/sadness/loss over the next few weeks. You may find yourself grieving the loss of your relationship with him and the future you were hoping for. It's natural. What will you do now? Go NC with him?
Its_MEE Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 ((((Mount)))) Ugh. This is my biggest fear. I won't TJ but after MM told ME it was over in front of his W... He told me how much of a mistake doing that was... How sorry he is... How much he F'ed up and that he is asking her for a D.. He now realized he wants to be with me. But I am now thinking... If this happens.. How do I know he won't change his mind yet again?! So I am taking thing one second at a time. Not making decisions based on what others want. Only YOU know what is right for YOU. This decision will be completely up to you... Don't feel bad either way.! Only you know what your heart wants. He is probably absolutely confused. Teens are not the only ones who get confused. Although I do agree that grown men don't have time to be "not knowing" what they want. Men like them are most time incapable of making any decision and will wait around for the people around him to make these decisions for em. Best of luck to you!
Author Mount Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 (edited) Do you think even I have the mood.....as I probably posted here before, I always admire him (so that it leads to love...etc) that he always does the promise every single time. And now, he let me down on such important thing, after I kept telling him repeatly "don't do it untill thinking through, or don't move up timeline"...but he still did it but bailed. His image changes in my eye/mind. So now you tell me... Plus you all tell me the age difference...etc...but now how come I feel I had a relationship with a teenage?! Are you going to continue to have an affair with him? Edited June 5, 2013 by Mount
Author Mount Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 (edited) But in his case, I did not want him to make decision when premature, but he insisted to make decision and take action....then back off.... So now who is the mature (elder) one here... Also before you all told me that "I told you so", don't forget I told him too... ((((Mount)))) Ugh. This is my biggest fear. I won't TJ but after MM told ME it was over in front of his W... He told me how much of a mistake doing that was... How sorry he is... How much he F'ed up and that he is asking her for a D.. He now realized he wants to be with me. But I am now thinking... If this happens.. How do I know he won't change his mind yet again?! So I am taking thing one second at a time. Not making decisions based on what others want. Only YOU know what is right for YOU. This decision will be completely up to you... Don't feel bad either way.! Only you know what your heart wants. He is probably absolutely confused. Teens are not the only ones who get confused. Although I do agree that grown men don't have time to be "not knowing" what they want. Men like them are most time incapable of making any decision and will wait around for the people around him to make these decisions for em. Best of luck to you! Edited June 6, 2013 by Mount
spice4life Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I'm so sorry Mount. Anger will probably come later. I'm at a point now where I'm past all the anger...seriously over it. I let it all out three weeks ago. So when it hits you just let it out and don't hold back. It's quite cleansing. You might find yourself on a roll with it like I did just recently...lol. I found out my ex (not xmm) was stalking me online and I was furious. I let out the worst vent...lol. he was playing some nasty games with me though and it ticked me off to no end because our relationship ended three years ago! I'm feeling much better that I let it out though.
Author Mount Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 I don't think I would feel angry, I just think now the MM is not what I thought as mature, strong person. On the opposite, I feel like I am more mature (even though my age is significant younger than him), and I do or plan things with thorough thoughts. If he is not a person I thought or admired as before....it is very easy to let him go... I'm so sorry Mount. Anger will probably come later. I'm at a point now where I'm past all the anger...seriously over it. I let it all out three weeks ago. So when it hits you just let it out and don't hold back. It's quite cleansing. You might find yourself on a roll with it like I did just recently. I found out my ex (not xmm) was stalking me online and was furious. I let out the worst vent...lol. he was playing some nasty games with me though and it ticked me off to no end because our relationship ended three years ago! I'm feeling much better that I let it out though.
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Oh...not really, it is an eye opening event for me as well. Now it makes me have no mood to carry A with him...I suppose...:o:o:p You better not continue the A with him! I WILL kick your butt if you do! Just take care of you. He just didn't have it in him to change his life completely and give up everything he's ever known. That includes family functions/holidays, kids (even as adults), missing out on grandchildren 'family' moments, he would be excluded from functions because he'd be with you. Doesn't mean he didn't love you, I'm sure he did - He just can't up and change his whole life/history for you. 1
Author Mount Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) Hey, I have told him all your bolded words before many times, and asked him not do any drastic/rush decision or move. I asked lots of if questions, and he kept telling me his adult children will get over, such such will eventually feel comfortable with me. Believe me, there has no A further, I don't have mood anymore as he acts like a clown now in front of his wife and me. You better not continue the A with him! I WILL kick your butt if you do! Just take care of you. He just didn't have it in him to change his life completely and give up everything he's ever known. That includes family functions/holidays, kids (even as adults), missing out on grandchildren 'family' moments, he would be excluded from functions because he'd be with you. Doesn't mean he didn't love you, I'm sure he did - He just can't up and change his whole life/history for you. Edited June 6, 2013 by Mount 1
Author Mount Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) I did have forecast as well, that is why I tried to warn him..... All the events here, I did not make single move, the MM was the busy one, exposed the Affair, telling wife about leaving, moving in then moving back.. He is making him look like clown....I am just a speechless audience that had the guessing about the ending. Edited June 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
ComingInHot Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Mount, being the realist that you are, what is the Logical next step for you now that MM has run home to his W & family? 1
Author Mount Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 It ends now....I really really have no mood....The drastic change also turns his image upside down. Mount, being the realist that you are, what is the Logical next step for you now that MM has run home to his W & family?
Its_MEE Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 But in his case, I did not want him to make decision when premature, but he insisted to make decision and take action....then back off.... So now who is the mature (elder) one here... Also before you all told me that "I told you so", don't forget I told him too... I would never ever say I told you so... People's minds change all the time. These situations are like a true roller coaster of the heart... Angry, hurt, numb, ok, angry, hurt, sympathy, love, angry etc etc. Yes you told him to stay and reeeeally figure it out because THIS situation is hat you wanted to avoid... BUT.. It happened. In your heart of hearts you didn't REALLY want him to stay because if you would've... You wouldn't of let him bring all his things in your home and you would've told him to turn right around with his crap... I understand you completely.. Now.. Since it happened.. It is up TO YOU. If you want to wait or not. He's terrified.. Change is scary. Scarier for men I think.. So he's freaking out... I'm sure he feels like crap. For hurting you like this... Don't deny that... It's real.. But he needs to man up..
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Hey, I have told him all your bolded words before many times, and asked him not do any drastic/rush decision or move. I asked lots of if questions, and he kept telling me his adult children will get over, such such will eventually feel comfortable with me. Believe me, there has no A further, I don't have mood anymore as he acts like a clown now in front of his wife and me. He is (was) in NO position to speak on behalf of his kids and assume they'd be fine with it all. Didn't they find out about you a while ago and call/harass you? Or am I mixing you up with someone else (if I have, sorry!) Can't say I'm surprised this happened.. But, glad at least you can hopefully grieve this loss in a healthy way and move on with your life, not go backwards and continue having an A with him. That's like calling off a wedding at the aisle and then still dating the person you were about to marry. Pointless, painful and unhealthy.
Author Mount Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Wedding...LOL :laugh::laugh: No, no one knows. That is why I am upset about, everyone here you are saying D-Day, D-day, discovered by wives, or other. And in my case, he did D-day himself....I am speechless. He is (was) in NO position to speak on behalf of his kids and assume they'd be fine with it all. Didn't they find out about you a while ago and call/harass you? Or am I mixing you up with someone else (if I have, sorry!) Can't say I'm surprised this happened.. But, glad at least you can hopefully grieve this loss in a healthy way and moveon with your life, not go backwards and continue having an A with him. That's like calling off a wedding at the aisle and then still dating the person you were about to marry. Pointless, painful and unhealthy.
Praying4Peace Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Mount I'm so glad he's lost respect in your eyes. Let his poor wife deal with. I feel sorry for her. She should kick him out and let his poor, scared, pathetic, afraid of change self, stew in those feelings for a long time before she D's him or takes him back. It is extremely healing and eye opening to be able to be by yourself and be okay with it. I'm living it. I feel so much healthier about a lot of things. I was a pile of tears on the floor for a long time before I grew up. What are you going to say to him when he contacts you? I say just stay silent. Or as they say here, CRICKETS.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Wow-I am so sorry mount. I hate to say I had my doubts too. I hope you cut him off completely. He doesn't deserve you. Let him deal in his mess.
Author Mount Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Can't you believe we still have contact daily basis as we work together.... But now as I said, I have no previous "love" emotion towards him, as his BIG image has turned up sidedown in my mind....I feel like he is a teenage even though he is obviously not. All the glory surrounding him in my eye before is gone now, so he is just a regular person from my perspective, thus I interface with him just like others. When facing him I am very calm, laughing and talking when other people around. Mount I'm so glad he's lost respect in your eyes. Let his poor wife deal with. I feel sorry for her. She should kick him out and let his poor, scared, pathetic, afraid of change self, stew in those feelings for a long time before she D's him or takes him back. It is extremely healing and eye opening to be able to be by yourself and be okay with it. I'm living it. I feel so much healthier about a lot of things. I was a pile of tears on the floor for a long time before I grew up. What are you going to say to him when he contacts you? I say just stay silent. Or as they say here, CRICKETS.
Recommended Posts