scotsam Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I apologise for the long post! I've been dating this girl for the past 4 months and things had been going well, we never argued, and always enjoyed each other's company, but I'd always had a minor thing that bugged me, that being the issue of giving/receiving affection. Ever since the beginning of our relationship I was always the one initiating, whether it was holding hands, putting my arm around her, a hug or a kiss, whatever. We were fine in private, but in public she would just show no affection back to me, or initiate anything whatsoever. However, as I was her first real boyfriend, I just put it down to her being shy and not used to being in a relationship. Today, with the summer coming up,and both of us being in university and being likely to not see much of each other over the summer, I thought it would be a good idea to bring up the issue. I told her that the lack of affection made me feel like she wasn't interested, and asked her if me giving her affection in public made her uncomfortable, she said that it did, and that she simply wasn't the kind of person to show affection like that and that's how her personality is, and that she thought I should be with someone who shows that affection. I explained that I'm not normally a touchy-feely kind of person (I'm not really) however I thought that by showing her more affection she would begin to show me some back, but she said that the more affection I gave, the less she felt it. In response I said that if I knew that she was interested in our relationship, I wouldn't be so touchy-feely, as in truth, the only reason I was overdoing the affection was because I wasn't sure she was interested or cared about our relationship. Following on from this she said she felt that we were on different levels in terms of the seriousness of our relationship, and that she wasn't sure she was ready for something serious, which looking back know, sounds like a nail in the coffin so maybe I'm just being optimistic. After this talk we both agreed to break-up, and then see how we feel in a few weeks if anything's changed (tbh I think she was just saying that to make me feel better). In truth I want to get back together, but I'm not sure if relationships can or will work after a break like that, and if she won't change (in which case, breaking-up for good will probably be for the best).
flitzanu Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 sorry mate, that's a breakup. stop contacting her and back off. if she wants you back, she'll come to you.
sweetheart5381 Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Ya, I gotta be honest, if she isn't affectionate with you and you want her to be, then it won't work out. When my man comes in the door after work, it doesn't matter how sweaty he is, I still want nothing more from him than to kiss me and hug me. (and ya, he works a hard physical job and I am ok with his BO). When we go out we hold hands and hug, touch one another. We don't make out, but we know we want to I could not have a real, honest relationship with someone that holds back the physical connection. Personal displays of affection are important and don't feel bad for wanting that. It's natural and a sign of a healthy, loving relationship. 1
CelticGibson Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 The basic problem here is a difference of personalities. She is not as affectionate as you and you need more than she is comfortable giving. There is no point in wanting to continue this relationship because this problem will not go away and will get worse over time. Sometimes people are just not compatible as lovers and this is something you have to recognise...
sweetheart5381 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 The basic problem here is a difference of personalities. She is not as affectionate as you and you need more than she is comfortable giving. There is no point in wanting to continue this relationship because this problem will not go away and will get worse over time. Sometimes people are just not compatible as lovers and this is something you have to recognise... Yep, I agree. Have tried to have relationships with others that hated affection. I learned that I can't be with someone that doesn't want to touch me (I don't mean sexually, just on a day to day basis). I like to feel his hand on mine, a lil brush of the skin now and then. It is incredibly intimate because I don't let just anyone do that... they have to be special to me. In this case, you haven't gotten that close OP so you need to just let it be. Perhaps she is closed up from a previous relationship, who knows, but you have to keep looking for the right match. It will happen, give it time. Find what you want, don't change for someone else.
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 She is just not into you. Girls who are into you and are interested in dating you and start to fall for you; they do not talk about "different levels of interest" Sorry. There are some girls who will fall for you, and some who won't. Everyone is in the same boat as you! Not everyone will fall for us or be "into" us. Often, people will enter into a relationship, with one person falling hard, and the other person feeling lukewarm. Next time, hold out for a girl who really likes you, and who you really like back.
aussietigerwolf Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 she's not into you... my boyfriend REALLY doesn't like public displays of affection but will still hold my hand in public and is very affectionate in private.
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