Toodumbtoquit Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 (edited) I am stressed, confused and lost at the moment. My ex broke up with me and to be fair, I thought he was doing us a favour. Since we started, I kept pushing him away so many times (he still came back, it surprised all my friends, they even said he was great, why he did such desperate thing) , first excuse: he was two years younger than me. It was because of my past experiences of dating older guys who didn't want to settle down. Then we talked openly and I got over this. I was away for 3weeks holiday and since i came back I started getting obsessed with the idea of him cheating (again two of my exes cheated on me, one for LDR and another was a player). After a number of break ups and back, I kind of realise I can't be a drama queen anymore. I asked him to take me back after I had dumped him and that he told me I hurt him badly and treated him like a doormat. He gave me another chance and I really appreciated it. So after one week texting and a day out together, we thought we'd try to make it work but the day after, I got the bad news that my mom was experiencing life threatening situation. So I was having really hard time, taking care of my mom, giving emotional support to my dad, and when getting back to a pile of work awaiting after a long pause, I am stressed out. My ex was trying to show support (by text) because he had to travel lots for work. We both were sick but did manage to see each other twice per three weeks ( he came to see me and I cook dinner or we went out), but it didn't seem enough to me. I felt like he had time for going to play at a gig venue, stag party, leaving party or his festival trip abroad without having any discussion with me (he informed me when I suggested we would do something and it made me feel like there wasn't an US to him, he didn't have me in any of his plan. I know I have to earn it, to make a guy want to make time for me rather than arguing or as he concluded I kept attacking him on it. As I read the thread "my gf drives me insane bc of her insecurity/overreaction", I felt that I was the one causing the problem and any attempt of contacting him will do more harm than good. But I kinda need him for a ceremony in a month, I mean just taking a photo or two with me. Maybe I am insane, but my mom has just got out of coma but very slow progress. She saw the photo of my brother's graduation last week and she could move her hand to touch the photo, huge progress (we hoped good news could stimulate her mind). She got weaken again, today back using breath machine, my dad was looking after her and he was really upset. Since I was their biggest concern of not getting married, the photo taken with him on the ceremony would bring some hope (they knew about him and my mom likes my ex). I might still have some of my ex's photo but to use photoshop to make it seems unpersuadable (his gym's cloth, he was lying on sofa/playing guitar). I was thinking about "rent a friend" because it might be less weird to ask a stranger in suits to take photo with me (given my parents knew all my male friends). I am extremely busy with work and stressed with deadline, and not in a mood for dating so 1 month is long but short too. Would it be acceptable to ask for my ex whether he could spend 2 hours coming to the ceremony and taking photos with me? (Given the last words before saying goodbye, he said I am incredibly busy these weeks, most of the time I didn't want to see you, you kept attacking me when I am busy and I don't deserve it). Also the context of this is: I am alone moving in a new city for a job (catching up with old friends once to twice a month due to travelling) he lives in another city and he is finishing his current job to start a new one in 2 weeks, higher salary. Since the incident occurs (abt my mom) I have had poor sleep and feeling lonely most of the time. Edited June 5, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Appleness Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 The short answer to your question is "no". The long version/ explanation of why I say this is explained here. Andrew (the blogger) is an articulate 29 year old male and explains it much better than I ever could. I think you're looking for closure but seeing him won't help you. He'll say something or do something and all of a sudden you'll think it's a sign that he still feels something when it reality, he could just be trying to let you down gently one last time (best case scenerio). Worst case scenerio, you guys have some sort of argument where he's a jerk and you call him out on it thinking "why can't he just be nice one last time?" No good will come of it. You're just prolonging the hurt in the end. The break-up will hurt because it mattered. It mattered because you are a person who feels and loves. Know that song by Pink where she says "we're not broken just bent"? That's all this is. Don't let him get the best of you. You deserve better, regardless of your flaws, your insecurities, or whatever. Use this as an oppurtunity to show him how wrong he was about you. You can do it. 2
Author Toodumbtoquit Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 The short answer to your question is "no". The long version/ explanation of why I say this is explained here. Andrew (the blogger) is an articulate 29 year old male and explains it much better than I ever could. I think you're looking for closure but seeing him won't help you. He'll say something or do something and all of a sudden you'll think it's a sign that he still feels something when it reality, he could just be trying to let you down gently one last time (best case scenerio). Worst case scenerio, you guys have some sort of argument where he's a jerk and you call him out on it thinking "why can't he just be nice one last time?" No good will come of it. You're just prolonging the hurt in the end. The break-up will hurt because it mattered. It mattered because you are a person who feels and loves. Know that song by Pink where she says "we're not broken just bent"? That's all this is. Don't let him get the best of you. You deserve better, regardless of your flaws, your insecurities, or whatever. Use this as an oppurtunity to show him how wrong he was about you. You can do it. Hi Appleness, thanks for your nice words. I have no problem accepting letting him go and work hard to keep full no contact. Maybe LS got lost with my long thread, I tried to give more details about what lead us to the break up. Though what I am looking here is a white lie: makes my mom think I am still with my ex and it grows better (possibly a happy ending for this relation if she get recovered). I am devastated as my mom is seriously ill ( she was in coma for 1.5 months, get conscious now and still too weak thus relying on the ventilator, helping her to breath). As it relates to brain recovery, good news might help for stimulation. My mom is always concerned with me being alone and it made her happy when she thought I was being happy in a relationship. There is a formal ceremony and I was thinking of getting photo for my dad to print out to show her. If not contacting the ex, then I was considering to try a date through online dating but I am extremely busy and no mood with talking to someone to get a date. So a quick fix tool is either ask the ex for a favour or "rent a friend"
Author Toodumbtoquit Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Sadly this is what reality tv and facebook have reduced our generation. A collection of pictures and videos to be shared and liked. Now there's also snapchat - the most idiotic and unnatural experience ever. I know for a fact that I will never date someone who has a snapchat account or an fb attn who're What are you on about? I admitted that I was a mess and made mistakes, so your comments of me being psycho... Wasn't contributive. If you have issue with snapchat/fb go somewhere else when people are talking about it.
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