sporu Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 It's been almost three months ago that I've broken up with my girlfriend. We had a difficult, but very special and intense relationship that lasted for two years. It ended very abruptly and I'm still not comfortable with how we split up. It's probably the worst way to break up. We broke up through online chatting. I said a few last words and that was it. She left me no choice because: - The last weeks before we broke up she was acting really distant and strange. Conversations with her eventually went from bad to worse, to the point I was getting really angry with her. At some point she told she "was 'acting' and steering the conversations so I would get pissed off at her" (her own words). This hurt me beyond belief, and I'll never understand why she did that. - She refused to break up with me. I never wanted to break up in the first place, since I felt the things that were wrong were things that could be worked on if we both wanted to. She wanted me to go away, and that probably explains her behavior the weeks before the break up. - She felt that she was being controlled by me, since 'her feelings were my feelings'. I'm suffering from depressive episodes now and then, some heavier than others, and that was too much to handle for her. If I was depressed, she would be depressed. For that, I can't blame her. - A good friend of mine talked to her after the break up and she explained to him she was trying to push me away to the extent I would break up with her and so she didn't have to dirty her hands. A week after that I looked on her Facebook and saw her partying with other guys and even with one of my bandmates. This hurt me a lot and I immediately went No Contact. I didn't want to break up like this, at all. Ending a two year relationship through some simple words on a screen doesn't make sense in my head. Apparently she didn't care at all, since I never talked to her again after it happened. She's probably glad I'm gone. Truth is, I'm still in the process of coping with all of this and worst of all I still feel I'm in love with her, despite everything that happened. I know it would not work out if we met again or even got back together again but still. I made a mistake here and I've learned from it. I just didn't know what to do. I should've manned up and told her everything in person. I admit I was scared and so angry I just didn't care anymore. My question is: would it be an idea to let her know how I feel about the break up, or should I just let it go forever and go on with my life? I don't know what to do. The complete lack of contact helps me a lot with moving on with my life, and I definitely feel better already. All this is just still bugging me. I feel like I've made the worst mistake of my life and this definitely could've ended another way.
Grumpybutfun Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Moving on requires closure. Since you are unhappy with how things ended....it could be beneficial to call her and invite her to coffee or tea so you two can discuss the way things ended. Two years is a very long time for people to just break up over a chat site. Explain to her that you aren't satisfied with the way things ended and that you want to talk about the break-up only for closures' sake. Make it very clear to her that you do not want to get back together since it sounds like she really wanted the relationship to end. I don't think it is unusual for long-term couples to have a closure talk and wish each other well. After all, you two had a very close relationship and you cared for each other for two years. It is unremarkable that you feel discombobulated about the way this relationship ended. She sounds immature if she was waiting on you to do the dirty work for her by playing mind games so you would be the one to terminate the relationship so be grateful that you do not have to put up with this type of behavior in the future. Now you can concentrate on finding someone who is mature enough to honestly discuss with you their feelings without mind games and subterfuge. Good luck, Grumps
aisuru Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 There will always be questions. You will never have all the answers. A more powerful message you can send is by not seeking answers. It's hard to let go of a 2 year relationship. Perhaps it just ran it's course and while you both kind of knew that, it's hard to accept. That's why it finished on such a note. Let go. Go no contact. Move on. You know what could have been better and what you want in the next relationship. Accept that it's over. Learn from it. Move on. It's hard. Believe me.... I understand. Some things, just will never be put into words. And sometimes that is for the best.
aloneinaz Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 i see zero value in seeking closure after 3 months. Your own words were the relationship wasn't good towards the end. No matter what you say or do about this closure, I doubt it will make a differnce. Ask yourself this question. If you'd met someone new and were happy, would you really care about closure with your ex? I'd bet not. 1
TaraMaiden Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 What a bitch. She deliberately manipulated things in such a way as to get you to break up with her? Nope. She broke up with you. She just didn't have the guts to come out and admit it, so she twisted everything around to make it nasty, and on you. Frankly, I'd post that little snippet on my FB page, then block her, delete her, unfriend her whatever you want. What a cow. Go No Contact. Read my signature. You're the dumpee. And she knows it.
Author sporu Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Thanks for all the replies. I'm aware of the fact that I should let this rest and we'll see where it goes from now. I haven't talked to her since the break up like I explained and I'll probably never talk to her again. I'll probably see her again in the future and I'm a bit anxious about that, but what happens happens. The reason why I still seek closure after such a long period is that I just want to know if she cares about what happened, at all? And it's not that I just lost my girlfriend, I lost a very good friend as well. Friends come and go, but this is just hilarious in some way. I gave up on making or receiving any contact a long time ago. Like you guys said, she is very immature. She now thinks she's the 'alpha female' and even tells people she is manipulative. What is going on, really? She was such a friendly, calm and nice person to be around with and within the course of a few months she turned into a friggin' bitch. Could this have anything to do with G.I.G.S? I also like to believe that this 'version' of her is what she really is, and was when I was in a relationship with her. Break ups have the power to change a person like nothing else.
NanjingLove Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 firstly, i think you need face-to-face communication.you should figure out the real reasons existed between you. So, it can avoid some misunderstanding. apart from, if you still love her, you should express you emotion to her and get her feedback. finally, you said that you saw her partying with other guys on her facebook. maybe,I think your girlfriend just want to arouse your attention and need your considerate
TaraMaiden Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I'm hoping the OP doesn't take the above advice. That would be one hell of an unnecessary and painful retrograde step........
Author sporu Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 No, I won't, although any advice is appreciated. I'll stay No Contact and leave it at that. If someone could have some insight on her behavior, and maybe why she behaves like that, I would be more than happy. I'm still hoping to find an answer to that.
TaraMaiden Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 If I may say so, there is no answer to it, and even if there were, it really wouldn't matter one way or the other. It's over. it ended a long time ago, and what she does, and trying to understand it, is just 'second-guessing'. Leave it be. It's her business to be clear about her motives. If they're UNclear to you... then, honestly.... So what? TbH, she behaved in such an underhand and abysmal manner, she doesn't deserve you wasting her time on thinking about her, for one second longer.
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