el6746a Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I wasn't expecting him to walk into my life four and a half years ago. We had lived under each other's noses for our entire lives, my best friend was his neighbor, we went to the same elementary school, we live 2 minutes away from each other. And yet, we didn't even know of each other's existences until second semester freshman year of high school spanish class. At that time I was still trying to get over another stupid crush, but the second I sat down in class and looked across the room and saw him, we had an instant connection. I knew I was in trouble- I was going to fall for him, hard and fast. For over two months we sat in class every day staring at each other for forty seven minutes a day. I knew that he hung out with "popular kids" and thought that I had no chance with him. But one day we had an activity where half the class got an english word and the other half had a spanish word and we had to find our match. Yup you guessed right- he was my match. After that day we were inseparable. Two days after we officially met, he asked me to be his valentine. We were essentially telepathic, we would text each other the same thing at the same time, we could read each other's minds just by reading our expressions, and there was nothing that could keep us apart. Both of us could feel that it was not only a physical connection, but something a lot deeper, on a spiritual level. But we were stupid high schoolers then, constantly peer pressured. We both made stupid mistakes, mine more serious than his but he was able to forgive me but I was never able to forgive him. This caused me to be constantly paranoid, controlling, and demanding. But he always selflessly loved me despite all of this. Senior year rolled around and we were applying for colleges, we both prayed that God would lead us to the best schools for us individually. A few months later, we both began college at one of the most expensive and prestigious schools in the world. First semester was like a dream come true, we spent a ton of time together despite my rigorous 30 hour D1 practice week, and we strengthened and built our relationship further. We were planning on getting married after college, and had our lives built around each other. But when second semester rolled around, I experienced a death of a close friend, and my mother getting diagnosed with cancer for the third time leading me into a downward spiral. I became more demanding and controlling. But he remained calm and just prayed for me to change. Unfortunately I didn't see that, and I didn't. There was one night where he finally snapped and realized what I had been doing to him. He told me that he was unhappy with his life, needed to get his life together and told me we couldn't be together right now. We both agreed to go to church to try to fix us because God was the only one that could repair our broken relationship. We were on relatively good terms until one night I got belligerently drunk and ran to his dorm room and cried for him to let me in. He didn't. After that night nothing was the same again. We returned home a few days later and I called him asking for him to go to church with me that week. He yelled at me saying that I was incapable of change and he didn't want to stick around to see if I would, and other hurtful things. I cut off all communication with him for a month so I could stand on my own two feet again and rebuild my life. I've done a complete 180 degree change in my life and my attitudes. The only communication we've had is through sending each other a bible verse every night. I want him back in my life, only as a friend. I want to show him who I am now, and how I've changed as a person. I don't know how to reach out to him in fear of rejection. There's nothing I've been more sure about than him being my soul mate. Even two weeks after we were broken up he told me that he would not only always love me, but always be IN love with me. He's been hanging out with a lot of other girls, but I barely care anymore. I don't want or care about his personal life. I just want the chance to be able to become a tiny part of his life again. I don't know how to go about this or begin repairing this situation.
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