metalman Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 I got some issues i need some opinions on. My girl and I broke up after a year. SHe told me she needed some time ot be by herself and she has a little boy and that she hasnt been spending enough time with him and that she just doesnt want any obligations or commitments now, and that she needs to see whats its like to be without a man. ok thats cool I understand fine. There were some events that lead up to this that doesnt validate that reason. First it takes you an entire YEAR to figure out that maybe you dont want a man. Her relationship before this was pretty bogus. Wouldnt you know right after that, that you didnt want a man for a while??? It was cool that she wanted to break up I just didnt want to be lied too. So im like ok whatever and I dont talk to her, call or anything. She wants time thats what she gets right. So im goin on with my life, she starts texting me saying im selfish for not wanting to be her friend. If someone breaks it off with you, why would they want to be your friend??? Usually someone breaking it off with you esp a girl, is like the death sentence. She wants you out for good its done, finis. Shes like I dont need to be with anyone right now, but you are a very good influence on my son he doesnt act towards others the ways he acts towards you and I really miss your company. To me thats sounds fishy. Sounds like a "hip pocket kind of ordeal". You want me there just close enough to you until you figure out waht you want to do or you want me there just when you want to talk etc. etc. I can tell she is steadily dropping hints that she still loves me and all this, blah blah blah. We had some issues before with her and myself. Very early on I had a stupid moment with a girl. no sex but i kissed her and felt her up a little. It was early in the relationship and I paid for it. Tha smae day she did something with this guy at her job, we were broken up at that point, but she said she basically did it out of curiosity and to get me back a little. I felt like crap for a long time. But she forgave me, and I eventually forgave myself and I was cool. Before that there was this guy she used to carpool with to work. Ok no prob, im not the jealous type liek that they work out of town at the same place no biggie. I can tell she starts talking to him more, his number pops up on her cell they start talking more, then one day she wants me to come over and we have this "TALK". Its not a break up talk, but a talk like where are we headed and all this, and that she is drawn to him in some way and for a while she just goes on about him. Im like do you want to be with him and she starts talking all this maybe we belong together. IM like WHAT. just let me know so I can be on my way. I dont know if she ever cheated on me with him or not, but i doubt it. Then I guess after a while he starts liking her and then almost stalking her, then he leaves her this sexually nasty note, I guess she snaps out of it, is disgusted and is like ok thats enough. Ok time goes on or whatever and one night i go there and she wont open the dorr. I called before I was going to come over and shes liek Im trying to get ready to go out with my friends Im late, if you come here im not opening the door, i have no time to spare. So of course I go thre anyways cuz i needed a bit of money she owed me. i know she said she wouldnt open the door but come on there is no reason why i would not open the door for my girl unless i had somehting to hide. it only takes 3 seconds to get the loot. she said after i had walked away that she opened the door and i was gone. well duh i wont stand there all night waiting. ok fast forward to recent. She breaks up with me with the said reason above. She has a group of friends that she normally hangs out with. A couple single folks, a married couple , ok no big dea. Well one of the guys is single, and his ex gf had left him a few months back. She was tired of waiting for him to come around so she moved etc. I guess they still talked and I guess the girl was seeing what he would do with himself. Well anyways her and this guy were cool, he didnt have a car so sometimes she would take him to run his errands, or cook for him a little, or wash her clothes there. We are still togehter and im noticing that they are spending a lot of time together. Me not wanting to be stupid jealous bf, I blew it off like ok nothing is going on whatver they are just friends. Well a little after a week after we broke up they slept together. She says she was seduced. She said she had quite a bit of alcohol that day and whatever. I kinda knew something was a little fishy b4 that. His ex girl that moved away is my ex gfs best friend. So basically she slept with one of her best friends ex-boyfriends. My ex was my relationship, so im a novice, but even i know you dont do something liek that. Its an unwritten rule. you dont sleep with your friends ex bf. I mean unless its like months or years after they broke up and there is no chance of those 2 getting back together. The thing is that her friend and this guy were still talking long distance. He still saying he loved her and they kept in close contact. So he is a liar right off. ok easy. it still does not excuse what my ex did though. We werent together at the time so she didnt cheat on me but it did make me think if maybe some thing was brewing all along. i mean it happened right after we broke up. My ex is still saying that if she knew there was no chance of them getting back together that she wouldnt even been going over there like that. They could have been friends but she would have stayed away and not been going there. I told her that thats not even the point. you dont screw your friends ex. period. I was talking to her liek a best friends im like you goofball. Its apparent that she wanted him to if she is even saying that if she knew that they were getting back she wouldnt have done it. Shes like well i got seduced and i was tipsy and why of all the girls he could have did he pick me. Im like h didnt want them he wanted you. I wasnt even mad. Im like how goofy can you be. Thats what her best friend told her. I mean she had the guts to call her friend and tell her, so I guess that counts for something, but she got royally snapped on by her friends. But it seems they have a great friendship and they are ok now and they are talking things out. The guy is totally out of the picutre now(I guess) cuz he lied to both her and my ex. But is my ex bad news???? I still care for her alot (prob waaaay too much and her kid) , (she was preg by me at one point, had miscarriage) and she called me when all this happened for help and advice. I went over there and helped her and stuff. We talk and everything but 4 some reason i dont think she is ready for anything. She is 21 still young and has a looong way to go. I am 26, but I dont have relationship experience either. What gets me is that this guy she slept with doesnt have a job, even his friends call him a bum, he drinks all that time, etc. I hear he is just gorgeous and all that, but still. So why even sleep with him. I mean a girl can be fine as wine but if she has nothign else to offer I wont even remotely mess with her. ESP if she was my friends ex. It lets me know that she is still caught up in the physical stuff that most young people still put first. I know she doesnt need a man now and I really dont need her, but should i continue to be her friend?? Is it a ploy that she wants to be my friend??? How can she want me in her son’ s life but not in hers??? I couldnt have her without her son right??? Is she just bad news in general or just young and dumb??? Am I absolutely too nice and getting played??? I still love her and for some reason I think about her all the time. All the other girls I talk to says yeah she prob cheated on you b4, and yeah she playing you and yeah she knows u are a nice guy but wants to do her thing while u are just in arms length. Ok now to me. Right after we broke up I went and slept with the girl that I messed up with a loooong time ago. Now that i have done it im like it wasnt even worth it. i didnt cheat this time but i still love my ex and have no emotional feelings for the girl i slept with. she is a great gal but friends only with her. I still love my ex. What the hell does that say about me.??? Im sorry its long but it is kinda interesting. Im in the learning process pls help me. Pls try to answer all the questions i asked and be honest about ME and her. oh lastly. There is still a lot of fire between us that i can reaaaly sense. we had sex twice after we broke up. and she still hints that maybe she shouldnt have broken up with me, she told me she knows ill prob be with someone else for a while but if she knew of anything that sounded like marriage she would try to weasel her way in. she wants to marry me WHAT THE HELL??? HELP A BROTHA OUT.
Merin Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Damn! Your EX Girlfriend.. well.. to begin with, you seem like a very laid back person.. because although my boyfriend is NOT at all laid back.. I still can't imagine to many guys being okay with thier girlfriend cooking and doing laundry for some other guy.. unless you know it was thier Dad Then when you go to her home to get some money she owes you and she tells you that you CAN'T come in... MG my boyfriend would have been to my house so fast and insisted on coming in! For real.. she couldn't get ready to go out with her friends with you in her house? Hmmm.. cough bulls*** cough.. Then she ends up having sex with the guy she was "Just friends with" but was also cooking for and doing his laundry.. to make it all so much better this is her best friends ex.. then says she was seduced? WTF? Was this BEFORE or AFTER that load of whites was done and the dishes were washed? It concerns me more that she has a little person.. and doesn't seem to have any standards or thoughts on whom should be around her son.. this isn't good for him. She may very well be confused.. however the time to grow up is long over due.. she has a child to think about and he should be her top priority. Remaining friends.. well thats all you if you think you can or even want too... From what you've said, I think your girlfriend was playing around before things were done between the two of you.. and it sounds like she wants you to be her back up plan now just incase things don't go her way later...
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