salparadise Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I am just floored that people jump ship at the slightest hint of a wave. Perhaps that lies behind their difficulties in finding a lasting relationship. Yes, I think so too. It's sad, really. They seem to convert pain, sadness and loneliness into pride and judgement, and take on an absolutist mentality with regard to other's problems... "if a relationship isn't perfect, then it isn't worth having and any person who tolerates imperfection deserves to be as lonely as me." Perfectionism is a wall (defense mechanism) they construct to avoid pain and facing their difficult issues, which probably reside just beneath the surface... it results in tunnel vision, black and white thinking, inability to truly empathize or see issues from other's perspective. They also seem to have a need to convince, thus the seemingly disproportionate number of posters who do this time and time again. This forum needs a good pinned post about simple concept of perspective, or ability to see other's issues from the other's point of view, and relative to that person's values, rather than one's own. 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 OP, it's refreshing to see someone displaying compassion; I hope everything works out for you (one way or another)!
Author jncapital1 Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Well it's been almost 18 hours with no response from her to my email. Again, I chose email because she doesn't like to talk on the phone and I didn't want to add pressure. I'm going to take this has an indication that she is not interested in a relationship with me for whatever reasons and begin to move on without her. My head is spinning a bit. I don't know exactly how we got from such an exciting relationship where we could picture a future together to having a great memorial day weekend to no communication and presumably broken up. Regardless, that is where we are so I just need to accept it. Thanks to all who have shared their thoughts and given me advice.
salparadise Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Well it's been almost 18 hours with no response from her to my email. Again, I chose email because she doesn't like to talk on the phone and I didn't want to add pressure. I'm going to take this has an indication that she is not interested in a relationship with me for whatever reasons and begin to move on without her. My head is spinning a bit. I don't know exactly how we got from such an exciting relationship where we could picture a future together to having a great memorial day weekend to no communication and presumably broken up. Regardless, that is where we are so I just need to accept it. Thanks to all who have shared their thoughts and given me advice. Call her. You deserve an explanation. What she's doing in unconscionable.
Author jncapital1 Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Honestly I can live without an explanation from her. To me, all that matters is if she wants to be with me or not. If she doesn't, I can accept that and start to get over it and the reasons would probably only serve to bum me out or question myself. I don't need an apology for being stood up by her, especially if we're done. Still I wish we'd been able to communicate better and I'm still puzzled by why we have broken up. I thought we were "better" than that and cared enough for each other to speak openly and honestly. I didn't see this coming...
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Well it's been almost 18 hours with no response from her to my email. Again, I chose email because she doesn't like to talk on the phone and I didn't want to add pressure. I'm going to take this has an indication that she is not interested in a relationship with me for whatever reasons and begin to move on without her. My head is spinning a bit. I don't know exactly how we got from such an exciting relationship where we could picture a future together to having a great memorial day weekend to no communication and presumably broken up. Regardless, that is where we are so I just need to accept it. Thanks to all who have shared their thoughts and given me advice. You don't email in a situation like this, you call, or better yet, since you were spending so much time at her house and with her family, you drop by in person, preferably at a time when she but not her daughters would be around. I'm not criticizing, but you picked email because it was less pressure on you. Please seek advice on a widows/widowers's forum.
Sunshine87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Come on! Give him a break. I'm a woman but the OP tried his best. Obviously he did not want to put too much pressure on her by calling. He wanted to communicate but do so in a non-invasive way. OP is clearly hurt. Of course he wouldve wanted to talk to her! But he felt unsure that she would want to speak to him. OP, I'm sorry you haven't heard back from her. Best to start moving on. If she comes round, then hey! Good for you. If she doesn't, yould be on the way to full recovery. Humans are so strange sometimes. Beats me. 1
Author jncapital1 Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Sweetiepie, you may be correct about my method for contacting her but it is water under the bridge now. I did contact her by email, and honestly that has been our primary form of communicating when we aren't together so I don't feel it was an outright mistake. And since I haven't heard back from her I don't think calling her or communicating with her at this point would further my cause. I need to accept that she doesn't want to communicate at this time or have a relationship for that matter? (do you agree, advisory board?) As for a widow's forum that would be great advice but I am not the one suffering from grief. I wanted clarity on our relationship and think I have received it in the form of her not responding so I will gracefully step away now. I would gladly be there to help her if she is having grief issues and wanted my help or we continued dating but either our relationship is not at that level or she doesn't want my help at this time. I hope she figures it out and has a wonderful life. It just looks like that will be without me
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