Ex having a baby

[Own Worst Enemy]

What's the word - I bet the Germans have one. A long one - for finding out your ex is having a baby with someone else? An ex that, in this case, was v anti-children, and once told me if I ever got pregnant, he'd kick me in the crotch and stamp on my belly.

 

Now, I don't care about this guy, it was years ago. Yes part of me thinks it's horrifically unfair that he's such a horrible human being and he's happily married with a kid, but that's totally about me and what I don't have, not him.

 

What's really knocked me sick is, this guy was a bit messed up, and so is my recent ex, whom I still love very very much. And when the dreadful human being dumped me for his now wife, all my friends said, oh he'll never be happy, it won't last, blah blah. And of course they say the same about the current guy. Well, if the old ex can meet someone and be happy, so can the current ex. And that makes me feel like someone has set my insides on fire with wondering why not me, why wasn't I good enough, if I'd just lost the bit of weight he wanted then I might have been, more blahblahblah torturing myself.

 

I am doing well with NC, a whole month and I ignored his 2 week breadcrumb (about a party in september), but the only thing that keeps me going when it gets too hard is to think, he really struggles to meet new people, I was the most important person in his life, so more fool him. That stops it hurting and I forget about him, for whole hours at a time.

 

But now I'm terrified that he too will move on and I'll be foreveralone. I know I need to stick to NC, I know I need to hang on until I stop caring, I know I need to focus on me, and I know all that will work. But it won't work right now, when I'm feeling physically nauseous at how sad and bitter and unfair all this is. Urrrrgh.

 

Thanks for reading all. I feel a bit better for admitting all this x

Edited June 5, 2013 by Own Worst Enemy

[Chi townD]

Sounds to me that you're attracted to the wrong kind of guys. I would suggest that you take time to yourself. Work on you! Don't worry about what your Ex's are doing. They have their own lives to live while you're still in limbo.

 

Take time to work on yourself, to work on your self esteem. Work on discovering that you DO have self worth! Work on positive changes in your life. Take a trip somewhere and remove yourself from the norm.

 

And when you finally started to love yourself again, then start dating. Try to stay away from the ones that you're instantly attracted to and try someone different. If your ideal guy is a outdoorsy construction worker type, try going for a cute guy that happens to be a data processor or something. You might be surprised at what you find!

[blondie 12345]

same here

my ex dumped me for his now wife and we have a son together and they have gone onto have 2 children of there own.

at 1st when they had there children it knocked me for six as when we wa together and I got pregnant he went ballistic told me to have an abortion then claimed he was never having anymore ever again we broke up and he never realy bothered with our son much only from time to time then found out they wa having kids together and thoughts went threw my head like was I never good enough is our son not good enough then realised hes a complete jerk and I am 110% happier without him lol

now I feel sorry for his wife she has to put up with the dead beat haha.

at time my friends said it wont last and 5 or 6 years later they still together,

 

but trust me we got out of that bad relationship I count my blessings lol

)))

[flitzanu]

What's the word - I bet the Germans have one. A long one - for finding out your ex is having a baby with someone else? An ex that, in this case, was v anti-children, and once told me if I ever got pregnant, he'd kick me in the crotch and stamp on my belly.

 

Now, I don't care about this guy, it was years ago. Yes part of me thinks it's horrifically unfair that he's such a horrible human being and he's happily married with a kid, but that's totally about me and what I don't have, not him.

 

What's really knocked me sick is, this guy was a bit messed up, and so is my recent ex, whom I still love very very much. And when the dreadful human being dumped me for his now wife, all my friends said, oh he'll never be happy, it won't last, blah blah. And of course they say the same about the current guy. Well, if the old ex can meet someone and be happy, so can the current ex. And that makes me feel like someone has set my insides on fire with wondering why not me, why wasn't I good enough, if I'd just lost the bit of weight he wanted then I might have been, more blahblahblah torturing myself.

 

I am doing well with NC, a whole month and I ignored his 2 week breadcrumb (about a party in september), but the only thing that keeps me going when it gets too hard is to think, he really struggles to meet new people, I was the most important person in his life, so more fool him. That stops it hurting and I forget about him, for whole hours at a time.

 

But now I'm terrified that he too will move on and I'll be foreveralone. I know I need to stick to NC, I know I need to hang on until I stop caring, I know I need to focus on me, and I know all that will work. But it won't work right now, when I'm feeling physically nauseous at how sad and bitter and unfair all this is. Urrrrgh.

 

Thanks for reading all. I feel a bit better for admitting all this x

 

i think every baby in the world is born by someone's ex.

[Sugarkane]

Wow he really said he would kick you on the crotch and stamp on your belly? WTF? What sort of person does that if you get pregnant? What a psycho!! Certainly not anyone I would want to know, let alone date! This guy sounds abusive. I think you dodged a bullet! Whenever I read posts like this, I also wonder what posses someone to do a 180 like this. His wife must be proud.

[Feelin Frisky]

That should end your woe. It's a real turn off if you still have feelings for someone and that happens. It tends to be the thing that gets you over them. Let it be.

[cavalier99]

Cool great for him! I still think your hot form the pic i saw. Why dont you start getting laid by somebody cool like me! Rock on! Cav

[Own Worst Enemy]

It's really terrifying me to think that the ex will meet someone who can give him things I couldn't, when I tried so hard. It makes me feel pointless. And I've been on a few internet dates, total disasters: one went well until he asked to borrow cash (after TWO dates); one got back with his ex before we met up; one snogged me and I never heard from him again; one told me this morning he met someone else before we even met up... Urrrgh.

 

It's so hard to meet nice men, and yet the world is stuffed with nice, THIN women. My ex will be beating them off with a stick, and I'll be saving up to send my cats to university ((((((

 

I don't think I've ever, ever been this unhappy, it's terrifying.

[denxnis]

Cool great for him! I still think your hot form the pic i saw. Why dont you start getting laid by somebody cool like me! Rock on! Cav

 

Stranger danger.

[Dundas]

My ex-girlfriend (20) and I (19) dated for nearly 3 years until she broke up with me for some guy who's like 17... 2 months ago. Even though we're only 7 months apart in age, she told me my age was a concern. I guess the 17 year old's age isn't a concern though?

She seems to be doing perfectly fine without me... even better, in fact. I'm starting to do better off without her, too. I'm feeling much more confident. I see her at work occasionally, and it seems she no longer cares about me whatsoever.

Yes, I still love her. But I've seen sides to her now that aren't attractive at all. She can be the sweetest girl you've ever known (for nearly 3 years) or she can be cold and selfish.

We were talking about moving in together and even kids a month before we broke up! Everyone's saying her and the new guy won't last. But it's been 2 months, they've known each other for 3 months - and I suspect that they WILL last much longer, too. Even though we're young, this is her 3rd relationship and the guy before me was for 2 years, too.

I am somewhat afraid she will start a family with him - I know it sounds crazy because of his age. But, then again, had I gotten her pregnant... she would've dumped me anyhow. I'm sort of glad I didn't! Right before breaking the news to me, she told me a couple times "Girls are so smart who get pregnant and then dump their boyfriends, because then they know they'll always have them!" Thank God I dodged THAT bullet! Hopefully she puts her new boyfriend in that trap once she's done with him, though! That would make me very happy!!!