Depth Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 So here's the deal. My girlfriend has 6 exes and keeps in touch with all of them. However, I can guarantee that there is nothing going on between any of these besides friendship. Anyways, last week I told her that I wanted to see hangover 3 and I'm currently out of town so I told her to not see it with anyone. She said ok. Yesterday over the phone I find out that she already saw it when I brought it up. This has me incredibly annoyed that she didn't even inform me and I also find it rude and disrespectful. Granted. We've only been dating a few months, I still feel like I have a right to know that she wants to see it with one of the exes. She's a huge pushover and doesn't say "no" often because she just wants to be nice, but this is still an issue. Now I'm thinking of either 1. Saying hey babe lets say this movie on x day. When the day comes and she texts me, I'll just tell her how I already saw it. This way, it will get the message across (actions speak louder than words) 2. Discuss this and tell her how I found it rude and disrespectful that she didn't at least confront me about it (do this right after sex) 1
Author Depth Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 So here's the deal. My girlfriend has 6 exes and keeps in touch with all of them. However, I can guarantee that there is nothing going on between any of these besides friendship. Anyways, last week I told her that I wanted to see hangover 3 and I'm currently out of town so I told her to not see it with anyone. She said ok. Yesterday over the phone I find out that she already saw it when I brought it up. This has me incredibly annoyed that she didn't even inform me and I also find it rude and disrespectful. Granted. We've only been dating a few months, I still feel like I have a right to know that she wants to see it with one of the exes. She's a huge pushover and doesn't say "no" often because she just wants to be nice, but this is still an issue. Now I'm thinking of either 1. Saying hey babe lets say this movie on x day. When the day comes and she texts me, I'll just tell her how I already saw it. This way, it will get the message across (actions speak louder than words) 2. Discuss this and tell her how I found it rude and disrespectful that she didn't at least confront me about it (do this right after sex) IMPORTANT: she used to tell me when she hung out with exes but I made a "no talking about ex boyfriends" rule and ever since she doesn't mention it to me to protect feelings.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Which option do you think is more likely to result in a productive outcome?
MidwestUSA Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Do neither. Both options are childish, passive/aggressive, manipulative, punishment type actions. If you really want to see the movie, go alone and never bring the topic up again, unless it's a simple "That was a great movie, baby. I wish we'd seen it together". Then DROP it! Your relationship has much bigger issues than you feeling slighted. 8
Maleficent Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I'm curious as to why you felt necessary to mention she has 6 exes?
Star Gazer Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 How old are you? I remember this sort of issue about movies occurring when I was in junior high. If you're an adult, I agree with Midwest. 4
Author Depth Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 It's not so much about the movie as it is about the principle. This is the second time she's done this and I find it inconsiderate of her. I have to set my foot down, how is that immature?
Star Gazer Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 It's not so much about the movie as it is about the principle. This is the second time she's done this and I find it inconsiderate of her. I have to set my foot down, how is that immature? What's inconsiderate of her, exactly? That she'd already seen the movie when you said you wanted to see it and asked that she wait for you? Why does she have to see a movie for the first time with you?
Author Depth Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 What's inconsiderate of her, exactly? That she'd already seen the movie when you said you wanted to see it and asked that she wait for you? Why does she have to see a movie for the first time with you? She hasn't seen it when I asked her to wait, she saw it AFTER I told her to wait for me to see it with her.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Is this the hill on which you would like your relationship to die? For adults, there are more important things in life than missing a movie with a BF/GF a couple of times. Really, so what?!? I can't imagine complaining to my BF about something so insignificant! 3
MidwestUSA Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 She hasn't seen it when I asked her to wait, she saw it AFTER I told her to wait for me to see it with her. Okay, so your feelings are hurt. Mine would be too. Your ways of "getting even" are immature. You gotta simply say "Hey, I REALLY wanted to see that with you", and next time, pin down the exact date and time you're going to go. I am more curious about these SIX exes and why she hangs out with them. 1
simplyamazing Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 You should tell her that you can't accept her doing things without your permission, and that if she wants to be with you, she needs to seek your approval before doing anything. Time to put your foot down and show this woman who wears the pants. that's sarcasm. just incase it was missed.
Star Gazer Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 She hasn't seen it when I asked her to wait, she saw it AFTER I told her to wait for me to see it with her. And...? Do you think your proffered response to your hurt feelings is productive and will help foster a healthier relationship?
mammasita Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 The movie is inconsequential.....the problem I see is her 6 exes that she's still friends with. 1
Author Depth Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 Is this the hill on which you would like your relationship to die? For adults, there are more important things in life than missing a movie with a BF/GF a couple of times. Really, so what?!? I can't imagine complaining to my BF about something so insignificant! I'm 23 and she's 26. I want to be more mature and act her age but she does a lot of immature things like this and always tries to dominate (she knows she's older and richer so so kind of enjoys this) it's frustrating. Okay, so your feelings are hurt. Mine would be too. Your ways of "getting even" are immature. You gotta simply say "Hey, I REALLY wanted to see that with you", and next time, pin down the exact date and time you're going to go. I am more curious about these SIX exes and why she hangs out with them. Ok I will do that then. I don't know why she hangs out with the six exes. They have all been about 2 year long relationships before something goes sour. I find it odd she keeps friendships.
bobmarley Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 (edited) If you must do one of the above, go for option 2. BUT NOT AFTER SEX, GOOD GOD MAN! Why would you wait until she's vulnerable to talk about how she hurt you?! NEVER EVER EVER go the passive-aggressive route, always be direct about your feelings. Hurting someone because they hurt you never makes anyone feel better. To be honest, though, the no-talking-about-exes rule makes it seem as if you're insecure in the relationship in the first place. It seems restrictive and manipulative toward her, and it seems as if you're trying to control her. Try loving her from a place of joy and from a place of wanting to share with her rather than a place of insecurity or trying to keep her all to yourself. Edited June 5, 2013 by bobmarley 1
Star Gazer Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I'm 23 and she's 26. In another thread you said she's 28.
Galaxias Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 No, I think I get it. Remember in The Wedding Singer when Drew Barrymore asks Adam Sandler when he first thought his relationship with whats-her-face wasn't cool? And he answered that thing about flying over the Grand Canyon and she didn't give him the window seat? It's not a big deal in and of itself, but it's the principle of the thing. If it's no big deal that she went and saw the movie without him WHEN HE ASKED HER TO WAIT AND SHE SAID SHE WOULD, then why would it have been such a big deal for her to go ahead and wait? What was her rush to see the movie, anyway? Personally, one of the nicest things about seeing movies with my boyfriend is experiencing them together for the first time and having that shared memory. Why wouldn't his girlfriend want to create that memory with him? And, who did she go to the movie with? One of the exes, on top of everything else? I'd be livid.
Author Depth Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 In another thread you said she's 28. She's 28. Early morning typo on iPhone. My bad.
Hopeless80 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 It's not so much about the movie as it is about the principle. This is the second time she's done this and I find it inconsiderate of her. I have to set my foot down, how is that immature? You have to set your foot down? What does that even mean? She has to abide by your wishes whether she likes it or not? If my BF asked me (asked... not ordered) not to see a movie without him, I'd wait for him no problem. If he told me not to, I don't think I'd take to that very well. Nor would I take to him "putting his foot down" with me. I'm an adult and I'll do as I please thank you very much. As for your situation, if you're not as controlling as you're coming off as being in this thread, I'd just talk to her about it. You said you've only been dating for a few months so if you can't discuss something as silly as her seeing a movie without you, I don't know that your relationship has much hope for a future.
charlietheginger Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Give her freedom... In life people destroy what they love... When a flower is cut from the plant put in a vase In the kitchen its owner watches it die........ A beautiful bird has its wings clipped and put in a cage.... A tree has its branches cut away becuase the owner wants to..... Why must a beautiful flower be cut only die ? Why must the wings be clipped and the bird not able to fly ? Why must the trees branches be cut away from the sun? Its all about control..... Your afraid to lose her.... So you want her in your site, clip her wings and cut her Branches..... Why ? So you have control What happens when a puppy finally breaks its leash? It runs away..... You have two choices accept her the way she is Or let her go...... If you try to control her on a tight leash or cut her Wings she will fight you all the way and eventually Escape and never go back
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