serial muse Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Despite that, we've remained in light contact and kept each other "in the loop" of major events. I occasionally gave him advice about how to progress in his career, or helped him with his resume. Not much more than that. Contact decreased from daily to a couple times a month. I do hear you...but honestly, even this much voluntary contact from you is much too much now. You can't help him this way; he's made that clear.
big bear Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 OP take a deep breath and think if the money is worth it. Yeah, you might loose a lot but it gives you the freedom from a pesky ex. Just tell him if next time you both need to speak on anything it will be only after you get your money. Most likely you won't hear from him again. I am no doctor but stress is not good in pregnancy i.e. common knowledge.
Author Arabella Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Whatever. He was an a-hole. You were with him. You gave him the money. Now he is in the sh**er. What do you want? For us to tell you what a wonderful, entirely blameless and generous person you are as you take your broke-ass ex-schmuck to court? Do whatever you want. Just don't expect the seal of blameless awesomeness. That's a nice spin you put on it. But didn't really pay attention to what I wrote, did you? He's not broke. He has a full-time job, and lives with his mother. So I'm supposed to let the schmuck walk away with 13k of my family's money when he's working a full time job and has NO financial responsibilities? Hell no.
Author Arabella Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 You are becoming more and more passionate about a man you are suppose to be over. This is partially why your guy wants you to give it to a lawyer in order to distance yourself from it. He can read between the lines you won't give up on this since you are still in love on same level and angry about it. You could end up sacrificing your child's health and the health of your relationship for 13 grand. What's more important? You misread my reaction completely. This kid means nothing to me. I left him, I rejected his attempts to get back together for a year, and I've never regretted it. There are no positive feelings left in there for him. In fact, he's changed so much I don't even like who he has become as a person. However, I'm a very principled person. As time has gone by since our break-up, I've see all the ways in which he took advantage of me and my father. That's why this gets to me. I work very hard for my money, and it bothers me to no end that he would get away with taking all this from me and not have to repay it. Sure, some things I can't help anymore (live and learn, right?) but this money, I can still do something about. He's no victim, trust me.
serial muse Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 The hell? Pound of flesh? Wow, nothing like creating melodrama out of someone else's life. To sum up: The OP has a freeloader ex who owes her a LOT of money and is bitter that she's moved on, and she's wondering how to get the money back even though she feels sorry for him. Seems to me that adding any other layers to it is, frankly, about projection. No, I wouldn't just "forgive" $13,000 from anyone who isn't immediate family, and I'm willing to bet, naysayers, that none of you would either. You're just enjoying a spot of the old pile-on. Fun! OP, I suggest you ask for the thread to be locked; it sounds like your question was answered and you're moving on with things. People are just sniping now because they have nothing better to do. 1
Author Arabella Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 (edited) The hell? Pound of flesh? Wow, nothing like creating melodrama out of someone else's life. To sum up: The OP has a freeloader ex who owes her a LOT of money and is bitter that she's moved on, and she's wondering how to get the money back even though she feels sorry for him. Seems to me that adding any other layers to it is, frankly, about projection. No, I wouldn't just "forgive" $13,000 from anyone who isn't immediate family, and I'm willing to bet, naysayers, that none of you would either. You're just enjoying a spot of the old pile-on. Fun! OP, I suggest you ask for the thread to be locked; it sounds like your question was answered and you're moving on with things. People are just sniping now because they have nothing better to do. I get the feeling that some of the people here are a little bitter about their own lives. Like you said, I wonder how many of them would actually just let go 13k and move on. I've gotten all the feedback I needed and decisions have been made. Thanks for your feedback and support! Edited June 11, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
serial muse Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Oh please. How is this supposed to be helpful to the OP? I do agree with you that it's a nice example of the problem with the social climate here. Do I think this one's about gender? Not necessarily, except that I do think that bitter guys see a woman asking for help and perceive it, not as a chance to understand her particular issue and comment on that accordingly, but as a chance to let loose their own personal animosity toward people in their lives - women - who they feel did not do right by them. Never mind that it goes toward a perfect stranger. Never mind that they haven't fully read her posts on the subject to get a thorough understanding of what the situation is. I wasn't coddling the OP - I said that she had to take some personal responsibility too. But there is a world of difference between what I said and the personal attacks below, which frankly don't reflect the OP at all - I suspect they have more to do with the authors' personal experiences and need for an outlet for vitriol, a common issue here at LS. Do I think the OP can't handle it because she's a woman? Of course not. Do I think you're full of it when you say you're just trying to help? Of course. Calling you out on it doesn't mean I am protecting the OP; I'm just tired of the constant BS people interject into threads for their own satisfaction. So, yeah, I wholeheartedly agree that this is a prime example of the social atmosphere problem here: To wit, how threads get derailed by peoples' inability to let go of their own stuff and do anything that actually resembles being helpful. You want help with your issues, start your own thread. No, just the OP's amazing's sense of moral superiority and self-centeredness. Listen cupcake, snip But don't pretend you are some magnificent example of empathy, kindness and righteousness. Do you like your pound of flesh warm or cold? Whatever. He was an a-hole. You were with him. You gave him the money. Now he is in the sh**er. What do you want? For us to tell you what a wonderful, entirely blameless and generous person you are as you take your broke-ass ex-schmuck to court? Do whatever you want. Just don't expect the seal of blameless awesomeness. honest truth if i was him i'd hire a lawyer and as soon as you sued me. file for bankruptcy and that's that. may even help in in the long run when all his debts get expunged. and then HE can finally move on with his life. and maybe even laugh about how easy the process was. NO COURT in this day an age will make a man break his back and live on the street because of some petty civil suit that could force him out of house and home. Yes, all of that was SO HELPFUL and DEEPLY IRRELEVANT. Sigh. 1
TheGuard13 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 That's a nice spin you put on it. But didn't really pay attention to what I wrote, did you? He's not broke. He has a full-time job, and lives with his mother. He was broke enough that he "needed" $13,000 post haste. He has a full time job that is apparently minimum wage. So if he gave you, say, an entire year of his wages, he could pay you back. Well, that seems realistic. What are the odds that this guy has no other debts, payments or expenses that that money would be needed for? I get the feeling that some of the people here are a little bitter about their own lives. Like you said, I wonder how many of them would actually just let go 13k and move on. Hmm, good point. That said, how many people here do you think would be silly enough to lend $13,000 (much of which is someone else's money) to someone who has demonstrated himself to be irresponsible in the first place, and then to expect that money to actually be paid back? Oh please. How is this supposed to be helpful to the OP Sometimes people need to hear what they want to hear and sympathy. Sometimes they need a kick in the pants. Ultimately its her decision to make, but if she wasn’t conflicted about it, she wouldn’t have posted this thread to begin with. 1
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