Ex owes me money and he's bitter and difficult

[Arabella]

Quick background:

 

I broke up with my ex-fiance in March of 2012 after a very turbulent relationship that never really went anywhere. I became involved with a close friend a few months later, but my ex kept pining and wanting to reconcile for months. I turned him down. Things between my new love and got more serious as time went by, and this past March, we moved in together. At that point, my ex finally stopped trying to get me back. He also developed the most irrational hate for my boyfriend, who he feels is the one to blame for us never getting back together.

 

That said... Here's the issue now:

 

My ex owes me about $13,000 from a number of things I loaned him money for during the time we were together and afterwards. He always promised that he would do the honorable thing and pay me back, but I never quite believed it. In a moment of clarity, I drafted up and had him sign a very detailed loan agreement, in front of a notary. A few months ago he lost his job and stopped making payments. Per the loan agreement, he had a 4 week grace period before he entered default... but that has come and gone.

 

The contact has been sporadic since then, but we emailed each other occasionally. Mainly just idle chatter and me trying to give him career advice (he's in the same field as I, but he's much younger). We both were moving on with our lives. He recently got a job and we've been talking about it and when he's going to pay me (he just got his paycheck), etc.

 

Then things changed.

 

This past week, I found out that I'm pregnant, and my boyfriend and I are very happy about it. We plan to get married. Given that we announced all of this on Facebook, I figured that there was a good chance my ex might hear about it. I have him blocked, but a lot of people know both of us.

 

So, I decided to email him to let him know because I didn't want him to find out from someone else. I felt it was the respectful and mature thing to do.

 

Initially, he seemed to react maturely to it. He told me that he still cared about me and wished my child and I happiness. I thought things were going to be fine. He's always been very immature (hence why I left him), but I thought ultimately he'd do the right thing.

 

Then things went south. Within two days! He suddenly started talking to me rudely and trying to pull power plays on me. For example, he said he was going to deposit the check and give me this week's payment (after two months without payments), but he didn't. I asked him to send me emails and keep me up to date on status, but he won't do it. He then got upset because I texted him to ask about it.... when he's the one who failed to inform me in the first place.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

I know he's probably hurting. He wanted a family with me, at one point. My happy news must have stirred some old memories. But now I feel like he's directing all that hate he had for my boyfriend towards me. He's being rude, combative and unreasonable, but I'm trying to be patient and understanding.

 

However, this is causing me stress that is not good for neither the baby nor I.

 

According to the loan agreement he signed, I can call the loan due at any time, and give him 30 days to come up with the money. He won't be able to do so because he works a low-paying job he just started, and his family doesn't have a lot of money. My new fiance suggested I should get a lawyer, send him a notice of demand, and then ask the court to resolve the matter (probably have his wages garnished) and bill him the legal fees.

 

While I realize it's probably what's best for me so I don't have to deal with him anymore, I really don't want to do this. I feel like it will just make his life more difficult.

 

What do you all think?

 

-A

Edited June 5, 2013 by Arabella

[Cutiepie1976]

I absolutely agree with your fiancé. Your ex is using the loan as a tool to engage you and continue talking to you. Stop it.

 

Get an attorney and have the attorney take him to court for the loan and legal/court fees. Block him and ignore any attempts at contact he makes. He can deal with the attorney, not you.

 

Focus on your relationship and pregnancy, not on getting an immature ex to behave like a responsible adult. Accept as well, that you may never recover the remaining portion of the loan.

 

I think you are partially at fault for how this devolved. For a year, he actively tried to hold on and get back together. He hates your fiancé because he irrationally believes that, but for him, you would be together. He can't accept that it is him (the ex) and the fact that your relationship together was flawed that resulted in the demise of the relationship. Now you contact him because you are concerned about his feelings. Stop giving him cause for hope and mixed signals when he clearly has difficulty letting go. Most people hear about exes lives via others, not from the "concerned" ex personally updating him about romantic developments.

[Arabella]

I absolutely agree with your fiancé. Your ex is using the loan as a tool to engage you and continue talking to you. Stop it.

 

Get an attorney and have the attorney take him to court for the loan and legal/court fees. Block him and ignore any attempts at contact he makes. He can deal with the attorney, not you.

 

Focus on your relationship and pregnancy, not on getting an immature ex to behave like a responsible adult. Accept as well, that you may never recover the remaining portion of the loan.

 

I think you are partially at fault for how this devolved. For a year, he actively tried to hold on and get back together. He hates your fiancé because he irrationally believes that, but for him, you would be together. He can't accept that it is him (the ex) and the fact that your relationship together was flawed that resulted in the demise of the relationship. Now you contact him because you are concerned about his feelings. Stop giving him cause for hope and mixed signals when he clearly has difficulty letting go. Most people hear about exes lives via others, not from the "concerned" ex personally updating him about romantic developments.

 

The reason for my updating him as to my pregnancy is that we're very much still in contact. Until a couple of days ago, we were having brief conversations via email about career development. We've also kept in touch about family deaths (three on his side, one on mine) and other important events. Telling him about this seemed like the decent thing to do... because I knew it would affect him. But perhaps my good intentions were misguided?

 

We had been working out the loan payments for months before he lost his job without interference of a court, and I thought we could do this for the duration. But now he's just being irrational.

 

I do think that getting an attorney is the best solution, but I feel like I would be ruining his life. There is a huge age difference (7 years), and I have a great deal more of life and career experience than him. I almost feel maternal and protective towards him.

 

I emailed him this morning asking him to reconsider his behavior and start being reasonable so we don't have to make things more nasty. I really don't want to deal with neither him, nor a legal process

 

However, should I decide to get an attorney to handle this... does anyone know more specifically what the outcome might be? Does he have a way of entirely wriggling out of not paying me back? I suppose he could file for bankruptcy?

 

-A

[Arabella]

Whenever you loan to family or friends you should see it as a gift and expect not to get repaid.

 

Good luck getting your money. You are probably never going to see the entire sum even with all the legal wrangling you can muster.

 

It was never a gift, and we always had a clear understanding of that. He asked for it, and it was provided to him on the basis that he would one day pay me back. He always promised that he would, too.

 

My mistake for trusting him? Probably. But there was no misunderstanding as to the nature of the money, and I have a notarized loan agreement to prove it.

[Mint Sauce]

you were engaged, so obviously he imagined a family with you.

 

This news of you being pregnant must have been very hard on him, and on top of that he's struggling job-wise. It doesn't sound like he's got a lot going for him at the moment.

 

You loved him once. Remember that. Give him some slack. Some real slack. He can pay you back in 5 or 10 years when he's properly back on his feet.

 

Your current bf should stay out of this. I find it striking that you accept him telling you to lawyer-up against someone you once loved.

[TheGuard13]

I think the key point is that this is causing you stress.

 

So let it go. Defer the loan, or let it go entirely.

 

What's worth more? The health of yourself and your baby, or $13,000?

 

Loaning money to friends, relatives, or anyone, especially that amount, is a bad idea in general. If they could pay you back, they usually wouldn't need that loan in the first place.

 

You can't get blood from a stone. This guy doesn't have a job, and clearly can't pay you back. All the legal sanctions in the world won't change that.

 

Consider it an expensive lesson and learn from the mistake.

[Arabella]

Loan agreements can get whittled down in court. You can pretend it was a loan and he can pretend to repay you, but at the end of the day whenever you lend to family and friends it becomes a gift one way or another. One way is, assuming he repays everything, by the time you get all of the money it will be worth less than when it was lent due to inflation and there was no mention of interest on the loan to outpace inflation. Every day you are already losing money.

 

Actually, there was in fact interest compounding monthly on this loan after the 4-week grace period. Like I said, it was a very detailed several-page loan agreement ...

 

While I see what you mean, something in me just rebels against the notion of letting him get away with this.

 

you were engaged, so obviously he imagined a family with you.

 

This news of you being pregnant must have been very hard on him, and on top of that he's struggling job-wise. It doesn't sound like he's got a lot going for him at the moment.

 

You loved him once. Remember that. Give him some slack. Some real slack. He can pay you back in 5 or 10 years when he's properly back on his feet.

 

Your current bf should stay out of this. I find it striking that you accept him telling you to lawyer-up against someone you once loved.

 

I am cutting him slack by trying to be patient and understanding his pain... but how far should that really go? He can't possibly expect I'll put up with the attitude every time we communicate. Eventually, I'm going to have to put my foot down.

 

My boyfriend lives with me and he sees the stress this situation causes me... can you really blame him? He doesn't have any ill will against my ex. In fact, he's been extraordinarily patient with him, considering he's been verbally abused by him for a year. He just wants me to stop dealing with this so we can be happy, hence the attorney.

 

I think the key point is that this is causing you stress.

 

So let it go. Defer the loan, or let it go entirely.

 

What's worth more? The health of yourself and your baby, or $13,000?

 

Loaning money to friends, relatives, or anyone, especially that amount, is a bad idea in general. If they could pay you back, they usually wouldn't need that loan in the first place.

 

You can't get blood from a stone. This guy doesn't have a job, and clearly can't pay you back. All the legal sanctions in the world won't change that.

 

Consider it an expensive lesson and learn from the mistake.

 

He does have a job now... he lost it for a while, but now he's working a full-time position again.

 

I absolutely see the wisdom in this suggestion, but the notion of him getting away with this bothers me to no end.

 

Some of this money doesn't belong to me. It belongs to my father, who continued to front money for him so he could get the things he needed. I've paid some of the money back to my father, but this is mainly the reason why it bothers me so much...

[TheGuard13]

So your father loaned him the money?

 

Or your father loaned you the money and then you loaned it to this guy?

[Arabella]

So your father loaned him the money?

 

Or your father loaned you the money and then you loaned it to this guy?

 

A good chunk of the money came from my father, who lives in my country of origin. He knew my ex and liked him, and he wanted to help (he knew I couldn't at the time), so he kept sending cash to help out.

 

Back then, my father was in a much better financial position than we were. Now, the tide has turned, and he has been suffering some financial struggles... whereas I have progressed professionally and I'm doing quite well for myself. I couldn't really tell you the exact amount that was from my father, and the portion that came from me -- nor does it really matter because I send all my spare money over there to help him now.

 

The principal of the loan actually was close to $16,000... but he paid it down to about $13,000. The loan agreement was drafted up last summer when I realized my ex was becoming more bitter and angry and he could no longer be relied upon to do the right thing. I feared this day might come.... and apparently now it has :/

[clia]

You could easily spend more than $13,000 on attorneys' fees and court costs if you have to file a lawsuit. And even if you win, you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. You could spend even more money trying to enforce the judgment. And he could file for bankruptcy. Even hiring an attorney to write an aggressive letter to try and scare him into paying will probably run you at least $750 (a few hours of work). And some attorneys won't work without a retainer in place of a few thousand dollars.

 

In my opinion, your best bet is to just try to work something out with him, even if it isn't at as fast a pace as you'd like. Either that or write off some of the loss and take him to small claims court yourself.

[CarrieT]

get an attorney and have the attorney take him to court for the loan and legal/court fees. Block him and ignore any attempts at contact he makes. He can deal with the attorney, not you.

^^^^ this ^^^^

[TheGuard13]

I would just chalk it up to stupid tax and move on with my life.

[Arabella]

Had a brief email exchange with my ex today. He keeps saying he will take care of it and set up the automatic payments to the account (since he now has a job).

 

Frankly, I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Past experience tells me he's a pathological liar, has no sense of responsibility, and cannot be reasoned with. I think the only reason why he ever made payments before was to stay in my good graces. Since he doesn't care about that anymore, he's slacking off.

 

He keeps telling me he was on a date last night, and keeps emphasizing every time we speak, how little he cares about me. *Rolls eyes* Like I'm supposed to care? I'm happy, pregnant, and about to get married.... I just want my money back

 

And yeah, I do have a certain sense of justice nagging at me. This kid is 22 years old, and I wasted over a year and a half of my life "raising" him. I was there for him for everything. Taught him everything his parents were supposed to but didn't. My father helped him financially at his own expense. And now he's acting like I'm lucky he even wants to pay me back.

 

If he was less arrogant, I might be more inclined to work with him. As is, he's really just whittling away at my ability to be understanding and patient.

[Arabella]

How do you think it sounds to him when you talk about your happy life, marriage, and pregnancy? It sounds exactly the same way hearing about his date does to you.

 

Eh, I sent him one email about it to prevent him from finding out from the grapevine and being hurt about it. I hardly think it's comparable to him continuously being rude and telling me how "little" he cares. Kinda shows that's not the case. He's highly emotional every time he speaks to me and is incapable of being reasonable. This is most of the reason why it's stressful dealing with him.

[Arabella]

If stress is your most pressing concern you have two choices: forget about the debt or have a lawyer handle all of it.

 

That's pretty much what it has come down to. I'm going to wait a couple of weeks for him to take care of it like he said he would, and if he doesn't, then I'll find a lawyer to handle it.

 

Sad that this is what it has come to because he won't be reasonable. :/

[Maleficent]

Wow. I'm sorry you got through all of this. I once co signed on my ex's loan at a music store and when he failed to make payment (about a week after we broke up) they called me saying they didn't care what was happening between us - that he just wanted his money.

 

So I thought - never again.

 

That being said, I owe my dad a substantial amount of money and would never think to screw him like that...

[Arabella]

He is as reasonable as the circumstances dictate.

 

Oh? Refusing to pay back money that you owe to your ex and giving her a hard time all along is now reasonable?

 

Not in my world.

[Arabella]

You give a hard time when he is already in a difficult situation you'll get back a hard time.

 

I'm not giving him a hard time, I'm asking him to pay me back like he always promised he would. Not quite the same thing.

[Art_Critic]

If he defaults on the loan again after setting up automatic payments then my suggestion is to get a civil, legal judgment against him in court.

 

13k is a lot of money, even with an attorney it won't cost much to defend in court as there is a legal document already in place.

 

As a side note, telling him about your pregnancy in the fashion you did..(and so soon after finding out) to me shows you still have feelings for your ex in more than just a business partner.

Keep a lot of space between you and your ex, he is in your past now and it's time to build a life with your soon to be husband.

 

good Luck..

[Arabella]

If he defaults on the loan again after setting up automatic payments then my suggestion is to get a civil, legal judgment against him in court.

 

13k is a lot of money, even with an attorney it won't cost much to defend in court as there is a legal document already in place.

 

As a side note, telling him about your pregnancy in the fashion you did..(and so soon after finding out) to me shows you still have feelings for your ex in more than just a business partner.

Keep a lot of space between you and your ex, he is in your past now and it's time to build a life with your soon to be husband.

 

good Luck..

 

Thanks for the suggestion, Art_Critic. I'm going to give him some time and if he doesn't seem to shape up, I will find an attorney.

 

But, gosh no. There are absolutely no romantic feelings for my ex. I left this guy over a year ago... because his age made him an inadequate romantic partner. He lacked everything I needed, and couldn't imagine being with him for the long term. I became involved with my current man, and never looked back. Trust me on this.

 

I do, however, feel somewhat protective of my ex's feelings, despite the fact that he's been rude and inconsiderate to me. I also have a lot of resentment towards him that isn't fully resolved (but I'm working on). Over the last 6 months that we were together and beyond, I developed a somewhat maternal instinct over him, because I had to basically do everything for him. He was incapable of the most basic things any adult does. This is what killed the love I once had for him -- it was replaced by a whole different kind of feeling.

 

In fact, the reason why I've asked him to hurry up and set up the payments is so we can stop contacting each other altogether. Prior to this, we've gone weeks without talking, and I liked it that way. I have no desire to have him in my life, in any capacity.

[amaysngrace]

He's not going to be able to pay you back a lot at a time if he's just getting back on his feet in a low paying job.

 

Don't tell him what he needs to pay. Work with him and ask him what can he afford to pay you each week.

 

If he says some BS number like ten bucks call him out on it but don't go so far over his head on your demands that you won't see a dime.

 

I think you should put yourself in his shoes a little bit more and try to be more understanding. Don't ask for a third of his money every pay day.

 

If after working with him and being more understanding you still get nowhere, seek legal counsel.

[chrisftw]

according to you.

 

you're successful

make good money

are happy

have a new fiance/bf (who you tell you ex about with great pride)

are pregnant and about to get married.

 

and yet here you are pushing for your money back on some guy you once loved who has the following

 

a low paying job

no immediate hope for a future

damaged ego/self esteem because of you (lets be real here you could have handled this better)

bitter/sad/angry

 

did i miss anything?

 

honest truth if i was him i'd hire a lawyer and as soon as you sued me. file for bankruptcy and that's that. may even help in in the long run when all his debts get expunged. and then HE can finally move on with his life. and maybe even laugh about how easy the process was. NO COURT in this day an age will make a man break his back and live on the street because of some petty civil suit that could force him out of house and home.

 

perhaps instead of threats you should read up on local and federal laws. in fact fair debt and collection act is one you should look at.

[Arabella]

according to you.

 

you're successful

make good money

are happy

have a new fiance/bf (who you tell you ex about with great pride)

are pregnant and about to get married.

 

and yet here you are pushing for your money back on some guy you once loved who has the following

 

a low paying job

no immediate hope for a future

damaged ego/self esteem because of you (lets be real here you could have handled this better)

bitter/sad/angry

 

did i miss anything?

 

honest truth if i was him i'd hire a lawyer and as soon as you sued me. file for bankruptcy and that's that. may even help in in the long run when all his debts get expunged. and then HE can finally move on with his life. and maybe even laugh about how easy the process was. NO COURT in this day an age will make a man break his back and live on the street because of some petty civil suit that could force him out of house and home.

 

perhaps instead of threats you should read up on local and federal laws. in fact fair debt and collection act is one you should look at.

 

Wow, talk about misreading the situation!

 

My ex and I have remained more or less friendly throughout our entire breakup, until recently. He knows my current fiance not because I told him, but because my guy used to be an acquaintance to both of us before I broke up with my ex. Then my ex took it upon himself to go digging around (including stalking me here on Loveshack) to see what I was up to. Then he proceeded to blow up at me when he found out I had become involved with him.... like four months after the break up.

 

And that's only a small part of the things he has done. I could go on. At one point, I sought out counseling to deal with the emotional damage that he has caused ME before and after the break up. He's no little angel. My mistake here was not cutting him out as soon as we broke up. I continued to provide guidance to him and occasionally gifts of things that he needed (which I didn't tack on to the debt) because I felt sorry.

 

As for his financial situation... Let's be clear here as to what his real status is. This guy is 22 years old and lives with his mother and brother. He has no financial responsibilities aside from student loans he doesn't have to pay yet. He now works a full-time position. Why shouldn't he be able to pay me back?

 

On other hand, I am expecting a baby, which will definitely be a financial drain. And sure, I'm doing better in my career than he is, but I also have to pay rent in a very expensive city, bills, and on top of that, send any remaining money to my father, who is now struggling financially. He doesn't have any of that.

 

I don't see any issues with expecting him to pay me back, like he always promised he would.

 

I will work with him if that's what's needed for him to be able to repay me, but I don't think it's fair to expect me to just let it go.

[serial muse]

Wow, talk about misreading the situation!

 

My ex and I have remained more or less friendly throughout our entire breakup, until recently. He knows my current fiance not because I told him, but because my guy used to be an acquaintance to both of us before I broke up with my ex. Then my ex took it upon himself to go digging around (including stalking me here on Loveshack) to see what I was up to. Then he proceeded to blow up at me when he found out I had become involved with him.... like four months after the break up.

 

And that's only a small part of the things he has done. I could go on. At one point, I sought out counseling to deal with the emotional damage that he has caused ME before and after the break up. He's no little angel. My mistake here was not cutting him out as soon as we broke up. I continued to provide guidance to him and occasionally gifts of things that he needed (which I didn't tack on to the debt) because I felt sorry.

 

As for his financial situation... Let's be clear here as to what his real status is. This guy is 22 years old and lives with his mother and brother. He has no financial responsibilities aside from student loans he doesn't have to pay yet. He now works a full-time position. Why shouldn't he be able to pay me back?

 

On other hand, I am expecting a baby, which will definitely be a financial drain. And sure, I'm doing better in my career than he is, but I also have to pay rent in a very expensive city, bills, and on top of that, send any remaining money to my father, who is now struggling financially. He doesn't have any of that.

 

I don't see any issues with expecting him to pay me back, like he always promised he would.

 

I will work with him if that's what's needed for him to be able to repay me, but I don't think it's fair to expect me to just let it go.

 

I understand that you thought you were doing the right thing by offering compassion to your ex. But I agree with Art; it could be perceived as a mixed message, particularly from someone who really wants it to be. The trouble you're having is that you want both a business arrangement and something softer and more personal. Friendliness, if not actual friendship.

 

But when one ex is still hanging on to hope, that is actually not a kindness. The fact that he was online tracking your behavior is a giant signal to you to stop treating him as a friend, even. He can't handle it, and as the person who has moved on, it really is incumbent on you to get a strong read of the situation and recognize that it's time to be firm, not soft, and initiate no contact that is not strictly of a business nature. Again, I know you were just trying to do the right thing; but I do think it was misguided here.

 

That said, $13K is a LOT of money and he does need to be working on paying that back rather than sitting around resenting you, if only to take that giant step into adulthood that he clearly desperately needs to take.

 

It's too late now to take back your reaching out to him about your personal situation - but I would caution you not to do that anymore. At all. It's none of his business, and he needs to see you as a business associate at this point, not a friend and not an ex who tantalizes him with details of her happy new life from time to time. Cut out all personal interaction, come up with a new timeline for him to pay you back, and let him know that if he doesn't adhere, you will take him to court.

 

I'm sorry that it's come to that, but you both need to toughen up a bit now.

[Arabella]

I understand that you thought you were doing the right thing by offering compassion to your ex. But I agree with Art; it could be perceived as a mixed message, particularly from someone who really wants it to be. The trouble you're having is that you want both a business arrangement and something softer and more personal. Friendliness, if not actual friendship.

 

But when one ex is still hanging on to hope, that is actually not a kindness. The fact that he was online tracking your behavior is a giant signal to you to stop treating him as a friend, even. He can't handle it, and as the person who has moved on, it really is incumbent on you to get a strong read of the situation and recognize that it's time to be firm, not soft, and initiate no contact that is not strictly of a business nature. Again, I know you were just trying to do the right thing; but I do think it was misguided here.

 

I absolutely agree with you. I made the mistake of thinking that it was the right thing to do. And for a while, I was utterly convinced that this was true. His family comes from a very different background than mine, and I felt that nobody else in his life could provide him with the guidance I gave him regarding school, career and other life matters.

 

At some point, my desire to help my ex got very whittled down. He appreciated nothing of the things I did for him. He was arrogant, immature, and constantly disrespected my boyfriend. He would call him names almost every time we spoke. I would tell him that if he wanted to be in my life, he needed to be respectful. He didn't have to like him, but I was not going to tolerate the name-calling. He would agree but then the next time do the same.

 

When his phone broke, I lent him an expensive smartphone stating ahead of time that he could not keep it. He said he understood, but then he bitched me out when I asked for it back, and tried to convince me that I'd given it to him. I bought him some professional clothes for Christmas because he had none and couldn't go and find a job in our field without looking decent, and gave him a bunch of brand-new ties that my boyfriend was kind enough to donate... and he still kept up the insults! Mind you, these things I gave him were NOT ever included in the loan. They were well-intentioned gifts.

 

My boyfriend was actually okay with me doing all this for him at the time. He knew I am 100% devoted to him. His only concern was that it often affected me emotionally when my ex decided to pick a fight. This is why I eventually decided it was time to stop.

 

That said, $13K is a LOT of money and he does need to be working on paying that back rather than sitting around resenting you, if only to take that giant step into adulthood that he clearly desperately needs to take.

 

He really is very immature. The second we broke up, instead of trying to find a place to live that he could afford (was working full time), he moved back in with his father and let him take financial responsibility for him. Then he proceeded to crash his borrowed car and lose his job. When his father got fed up, he moved to his mother's, and continued doing the same thing for a few months, until now. That's why I have no sympathy in this regard. Once upon a time, he used to rely on me for support. Now he's doing the same with his family. At 22, really?

 

It's too late now to take back your reaching out to him about your personal situation - but I would caution you not to do that anymore. At all. It's none of his business, and he needs to see you as a business associate at this point, not a friend and not an ex who tantalizes him with details of her happy new life from time to time. Cut out all personal interaction, come up with a new timeline for him to pay you back, and let him know that if he doesn't adhere, you will take him to court.

 

He and I don't have that sort of friendly relationship anymore. A few months ago, right around the time I moved in with my boyfriend, I put my foot down and told him if he couldn't accept my new relationship and stop the insults, he couldn't be in my life. And I tried to follow through.

 

Despite that, we've remained in light contact and kept each other "in the loop" of major events. I occasionally gave him advice about how to progress in his career, or helped him with his resume. Not much more than that. Contact decreased from daily to a couple times a month.

 

I'm sorry that it's come to that, but you both need to toughen up a bit now.

 

I've been there for a while... now if he would only follow suit, I'd be all set.