MissBee Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Hi Elfie, So sorry for all you've been through. I really am. I can only imagine and it's not strange that in light of all that, this MM and A situation seemed appealing. I think there are lots of OW who have similar experiences: i.e. trauma and abuse and then a MM comes along, and seems to be providing love, care and a respite, and then the A doesn't seem as bad in comparison to all the other hurt/rejections/abuses they've suffered. Unfortunately, many times, the A is just another in the series of hurt, rejections and abuses. It can come as a mirage though; a seeming oasis in a desert of other harsh things. The affection, adoration, human contact etc. is of course appealing and it is no doubt easy to just let go and fall into it....however, most times, you're falling into something just as painful. I agree with the suggestion that you probably need to focus on yourself and do some grief counseling and other counseling, perhaps join a group and open your world up to making real friends. Those things will sustain you in the long term versus drowning your pain in a MM who chances are will only cause you MORE pain. MANY people use relationships as distractions from dealing with their pain/trauma/hurt...unfortunately, it NEVER works and often they just keep choosing one dysfunctional scenario after another, some of which may not appear obviously dysfunctional until they are in too deep. I would continue NC and throw myself into counseling and other activities to start building myself up for real instead of carrying on this charade with this neighbor. 5
Author Elfie Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Gosh so true MissBee and quite agree Lady G, truly spot on. Thank you so so much,. I don't know what to say, its so close to how I've felt, its like MB managed to get inside my head and put down what I've been trying to ecplain. Elfie x 1
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