SpiralOut Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I need to vent about this. I got a phone call tonight with someone I've known for over 8 years. We have been f*** buddies all this time. Over the past 4 years I haven't seen him as much. I stopped seeing him while I was in a serious relationship. We both have dated other people. He is in the army so he moves around a lot. I only see him when he's in town. We never used to talk much. Mostly it was just messing around. As we came to see each other less and less often, he began saying things to me about how he'd thought about me. I knew a relationship wasn't possible, so I brushed it off. I couldn't believe that he liked me in any way. Even if he did, I would just get hurt anyway. So I tried to not have feelings with him. Over the past year we started to email each other, and I began to feel more of an emotional connection. They were mostly short, casual, playful emails. Nothing deep or full of drama or anything like that. Every now and then he would say he was going to visit, but then work would end up sending him off somewhere. Tonight I got a phone call from him. We talked for over an hour. We have never talked on the phone like that before (aside from hey can I come over) and certainly not for an hour. He remembered all sorts of random things that I had told him over the years. I thought that he didn't remember any of it but he did. He showed a lot of interest in my life and we talked as if we were friends. He kept saying that he missed the good times we'd had. Eventually it became more. . . . well, he kept telling me that he thought about me a lot and wanted to know if I ever thought of him too. We talked a bit about our love lives and he said the only normal girl he dated was a girl who was kind of like me. He then said how he respected her. I'm guessing that was his indirect way of telling me he respected me too. Then he said something weird about communication. I don't know how to explain it, but it sounded like the sort of thing you only say to a girlfriend. He is supposed to be coming to visit at the end of the month. Apparently he has a gift for me. He said he might even end up being posted in my city. I sensed that he was being genuine but I'm not used to this. I couldn't express my feelings back. I felt overwhelmed by this total change in his behaviour. I don't want to get attached and get hurt but it's too late because I already like him. I didn't tell him this, but I think about him all the time. Thanks for reading this.
thatone Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Your only real option is to lay all that on the table and see what he does. 1
Author SpiralOut Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 Yeah. That's why I'm scared. I've been waiting for the chance to tell him how I feel and now that I'll get to do that soon, I am freaking out.
TheGuard13 Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 It's okay to be scared, apprehensive, etc. Doesn't mean you can't get the job done. 1
truth_seeker Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 You can't have a serious relationship with a F--k buddy. It will never work. 1
QforLove Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 The risks of not telling him are too great and many to write here. You won't loose someone you wouldn't loose anyway with the truth. Take an active roll in your life. That's living! 2cents 1
Author SpiralOut Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 I saw him this weekend. I let him know that I care about him. He still gives me mixed signals by telling me I'll find the right guy for me (so not him) but then telling me how much he thinks about me and misses me while he's gone. He also keeps talking about "the next time" we see each other. He's confused. He cares about me in his own way, and he knows that I care about him. It makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. At least now I can move on without feeling regret. He knows how I feel and if he changes his mind, he knows where to find me. I won't wait for him, though. Damn this sucks.
Author SpiralOut Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) I saw him last night. Last time, I had not fully admitted certain things. This time, we had an honest, straight-up conversation. He saw that I felt uneasy and kept asking me to tell him what is wrong. It all came out. Everything. He was awesome about it. All this time I had been worried that he would get scared off and want nothing to do with me anymore. Instead I see that he cares about me as a friend. I don't even like him romantically anymore. I see he is not the guy for me, but I care about him. I guess you could say I love him as a person, but am not IN love with him. He opened up and explained things. I see where he is coming from and I understand his intentions now. I feel a million times better. He even told me to text him with my guy problems and he will give me advice. I feel relieved. Edited September 3, 2013 by SpiralOut
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