what is he thinking..did i do something?

[Melissa7611]

Hi everyone..it's been a couple of months since i 've been on. But i was wondering if amyone out there could give me some advice....

 

Here it goes...in July i began talking to this guy online. Not a big deal. We would chat and IM each other everyonce in a while. It wasnt a real big deal. Well suddenly, we began to talk more and more online. I didnt really think much of it. I wasnt interested in him and thought he was just a funny and nice person to talk to.

 

Well, sometime in mid August, we began chatting alot...he is going thru a divorce right now. He is in the army and was deployed to Iraq. When he came back in May, his wife of less than one year had left him. According to him, this was all out of the blue. She stated that she didnt love him anymore..etc..etc. So..anyways, he really dislkikes her and the feeling is mutual. She doesnt want to talk to him and she moved back to her home state and is out of his life for good. He has dated several girls ..2 i think since Her. Both times though, the girls got too attached after only like 2 weeks or so...it completely turned him off. And he wasnt ready for such a commitment.

 

Anyways, one day we are chatting and he asks for my number. I hestitated a bit..not sure if i wanted to give it to him. Eventually i did. He calls me immediatley after i give it to him. Well from there..it goes. We talked everyday, sometimes 3, 4 times a day for hours ..just about everything. It goes on like this for like 2 weeks. I know what he looks like because i had seen his profile...very cute. He didnt know what i looked like yet, but i promised i would email him a picture as soon as i could. At this time i was in the process of moving and i didnt have any pictures of me lying around. So...we talk and talk for hours everyday.

 

He then tells me he is going to be in Atlanta for a month (Sept) for the army. He tells me i should go see him. Hmmm..i thought about it for a while and said sure..why not. I had no reason to feel uncomfortable with him. We make plans to see each other on Labor Day weekend. It doesnt work out cause of the hUrricane (i live in Florida). I then change my plane ticket for 2 weeks later,...again doesnt work out/. I had to have my appendix taken out. Finally, i went up last weekend for 3 days.

 

Of note....through all of this we continue talking. everyday, for at least 2 hours at a time. He calls me at night and we talk and we wish each other good night. By now, he knows what i look like. I send him 2 pictures. He says im cute.

 

All through the conversations he talks aboout how he likes me, my personality, my sarcasm, my witness, my cuteness and he tells me i am the only girl he can actually hold a conversation with. Of note...he tells me he hates talking on the phone...but he likes talking to me. He is a very straight forward person, no beating around the bush, if he doesnt like something or someone he tells them. He doesn't like games, etc.

 

He also mentions how he hopes that this turns out to be something that can last. Surprises me...comming form him. He is very sarcastic and cocky. Very full of himself. But that is what turned me on to him.

 

Well, we saw each other this past weekend...had a wonderful time. Went out hung out with his friends. I stayed at his apartment with his roomate and him. And yes, we slept in the same bed, messed around but nothing else. That is until Sunday night. We did sleep together. After hanging out with some of his friends and drinking. We ended up going to bed and yep..we did it. Through all of this, he tells me that he has a beautiful girl, and how he loves my body, and how he can see himself dating me for a while. I was taken back. I did not expect that.

 

Well...to finish up. He drops me off at the airport, and we hug and i give him a kiss goodbye. I tell him i had a good time, and he said he did as well. He asks me to call him when i get home. However, he wont be abel to answer, because he is on base, and he doesnt get calls on his cell there.

 

I call him when i get home, figuring i wouldnt hear form him till the evening. He doesnt call. I call him at 8:30. He picks up talk for 5 minutes ..says he'll call back in 1 hour never does.

 

Tuesday rolls around, i call him in the afternoon. He is on the way back to base from doctor. Talks to me for 5 minutes ..says hes getting to the airbase..and he;ll lose me. he'll call me back later in the evening. He never calls. Of note, through all of this he was also busy buying a new car. Driving to dealer, bank. etc.

 

Tuesday evening..im on line and so is he. I surprise him and we talk for a few. I tell him im going to call him. He picks up and we talk for a while. We fight at the end...because im so pissed that he hadnt called me..i dont tell him that. He says he is getting frustrated with me because i am being confusing and all. We hang up all pissed.

 

Wed rolls around, no phone call. I email him tell him im sorry for being bitchy...no respomse.

 

today, is here and now i dont know what to think.

 

This post is long ..im sorry but i need help!

[Lainie]

How do you know this guy really is in the army? I've dated a few military guys and the ones i met were pigs. They like to have a girl in every port. They f**k like you wouldn't believe. IT sounds like maybe he had an internet fantasy and it came true. Game Over. Sorry if this sounds harsh, I don't mean it to be. But what he's done to you has mad me really bloody angry. What a jerk.

 

What do you mean he has a girl? So the whole divorce story he told you was crap?

[Melissa7611]

Lainie,

 

He actually is in the army. I know this because i met all of his friends..they are all in the army. Plus...he talks with so much army lingo...it s crazy. i ask him what everything means and he tells me. I know what division he is in. I saw his uniforms in his closet. i saw all his gear, trust me he is in the army. I know that is a fact. He took me by his post. I saw some some pictures they took while in Iraq.

 

When he said he had a girl...he meant me. I was with him and he was caressing me telling me..he had a beautiful girl, with a beautiful body and he could see himself dating me for a while.

 

Im just really confused. He really wanted me to come and i really wanted to go as well. I was a bit skeptical cause i wasnt sure. He isnt a man of many words..thats for sure. I have to ask him alot of things. But he does have his momments and thats what surprises me.

 

He's a very tough guy..u know the strong silent type. And he was a gentlemen when i was there. He didnt force himself on me. He wasnt overtly touchy feely. He let me do what i was comfortable doing.

 

 

Im just lost, he was very sweet to me, made me dinner and breakfast, woke me up to study on sat, Im in college..and i had a big exam on monday. He let me study alot and when i was ready we went out. He didnt complain once.

 

I just dont know...he told me tuesday night he had fun and he had a good time and that i was irresistable. He said i met all his standards...jockingly he said it.

 

Once we began talking tuesday night, it was as if everything was fine. Then it all ended like crap. Because of me...being annoyed . Finally he said, i'll call u tom. and he never did.

 

Wed...rolled around ...around 9"30 i called him. left VM. He didnt call me back. Then i went online and i saw he was on..i sent him an IM...he didnt respond. So i told him...u must be pissed or something. I told him i wont bother you.

 

That's that. I can tell u this much...im just confused.

 

And...he asked me to go to a wedding with him in February???

And....he said he was going to come down and see me as soon as his schedule let him. This was planned from 2 months ago and he we also mentioned it on Sunday night. He said that was the first thing he would do.

 

Now im not so sure. What the hell changed since i left?

[Lainie]

Hi Melissa,

I don't know what's going on either. I'm confused too. I'm sorry. Maybe he just freaked out, and is obviously handling the situation VERY badly. Maybe he felt the feeling for you that he originally felt for his wife, and all the pain he's been through with that and the divorce spooked him. I just don;t know. I would love to know how men think, it would help me out so much, I'm utterly confused myself. There is nothing that you did wrong, so dont feel any guilt. I don;t know if this guy will come around and tell you what is on his mind, hopefully for your peace of mind, he will, but otherwise, you just have to be strong. TAke care....

[fredrolin]

I would say that he just used you to get laid but you say that you talked on the phone with him for hours a day, everyday, for weeks.

 

No guy is going to put in all that time with the intentions ofhaving just one night of sex.

 

My guess is that he didn't like you when he finally met you in person but figured "what the hell, she is good enough to f*ck" and now he is done with you.

[Melissa7611]

Lainie,

 

Thanks for the advice. I know it is confusing. it is beyond me.. What i do know is that i already tried calling him yest. and IM'ing him. He ignored me..so im not going to chase after him at all. Im not going to call him today. He knows better. HE knows that i wont call him over and over. I have told him that.

 

It;s just so confusing. Good to know that im not the only one confused by all this. IT just pisses me off. Why say all that stuff and then...poof...he starts acting all weird. Im not the one that said any of those things to him.

 

I hope he does call..one thing is for sure...Im pissed. I spent money for a plane ticket to see his ass, and he knows this..i told him..;;You better be worth it.! he said he was.Then he said..hey...i'll be doing it soon enough too.

 

Whatever..i would have never gone to great lengths to see him if i knew all this crap was going to happen.

 

Well..thanks again....for listening and responding. I appreciate it.

 

I have many things to do to keep my mind off of him. So much studying and stuff.

 

I cant help it though...im tempted..but im not going to call. Im not a stalker!!!

 

Melissa

[Melissa7611]

fredrolin,

 

Now what would be the point of all that. He is a good looking guy and trust me he could have any girl he wanted.

 

When i got there. he was very sweet. He knew what i looked like. I had sent him 3 pictures. He told me i was cute. When i got there..he said i looked cute. He grabbed my hand in the car and was caressing me and rubbing my head and neck. Very gently. It was like we had known each other for so long. He was the one caressing me, and telling me all these things on friday, sat and sun night. Not me. All i asked him was if he was glad i came and if he was having fun.

 

Believe me...if he didnt want anything to do with me....he would have told me. He is a very straight forward guy. No bulls**t type. He doesnt like to play games. I know this because he has told me and i see it in him. I saw it in him this weekend. He would have told me if he didnt think it was going to work.

 

That is why i am so lost now...on Tuesday night..i asked him if anything was wrong, because he seemed kinda quite. He started to get real annoyed by me asking that...cause he kept saying...nothing is wrong. He said i was confusing him.

 

So im just wondering...what the hell has gone on in his mind since i left that has him acting so differently.

[fredrolin]

I still believe that something turned him off about you after he saw you in person.

 

Years ago I used to lie my a$$ off to get laid. I told chicks what they wanted to hear.

 

I am sure his intentions were genuine going into this thing but after meeting you in person something went wrong.

 

Or he just met someone else. or he is insane.

 

keep us updated.

[Melissa7611]

maybe something did turn him off about me...i dont know...i just think he would have told me..or at least told me by now. Im not sure. I dont know what to think. Maybe he has just cahnged his mind. He knows me very well and he has said that he would be very honest with me and i have asked him to be as well. We both had relationships that went wrong before.

 

I dont know. Maybe he is crazy. He knows better than to lie to me. Whatever..i guess. if he doesnt call me today or tomorrow. his ass is getting a call from me...he owes me an explanation after all the crap i did to see his stinking butt.

 

Thanks again for the advice.

 

Why are guys such pains?

[Barby]

I think possibly people are trying to be nice about saying this...maybe he got what he wanted from you and since it's no longer something he needs to "chase" he isn't "chasing" anymore.

 

 

You were in contact because he was getting to know you, building up to a "meeting" and well....a sexual encounter. He's had both so maybe he's moving on because it's possible that maybe that's all he was after.

 

After all YOU went to see him, NOT the other way around.

 

 

Then again maybe he's just been really busy...

[Lainie]

Hi Melissa,

Hang in there champ! You must be strong. This is definitely not a great way to start a relationship. Not on such shaky foundations. He has to sort himself out first. Not you. DO NOT chase him. If he figures this out and lets you know, then good, for your own peace of mind, but if he doesnt, then dont bother with him. He needs to be coming back to you to explain. I'm trying hard not to be so cynical, you should hear my story!! Sorry, back to you. I think some guys just think with their dicks first. Maybe this is what he did, i don't know. It seems like he put in a lot of effort though, this is what confuses me. Some guys say anything to get you to sleep with them, but this guy seemed a little genuine. However, maybe he needed a shoulder to cry on and that was you. I think he's scum for just disgarding you like this though. You are worth so much more than that. If there is no reason for this behaviour, then maybe he's a psycho. You don;t need this crap at any rate! Focus on the things that make you happy for now and try not to let this deflate your self esteem. I think maybe you were conned because you have a good heart. But just hang in there and talk to us!!

 

Take it easy!

[Melissa7611]

Lainie,

 

 

Thanks again. I dont know what i should do? I appreciate everyone's advice. But i feel even more lost now. I dont chase after guys. i have learned my lesson from past experiences. I have not chased him. He asked me to go..wanted me to go...why go to so much work to get me to go. He could have any girl he wanted. Im not exactly living an hour or two away. I mean come on now..I never said things to him that he said to me. I was trying to protect myself. And now im the one getting all screwed up. My life was fine before him. Well..im not calling him. That much i have decided. But i do know one thing. he owes me an explanation. It's not like i live right next door. I spent money to go see him. He at least needs to tell me what went wrong in his mind. Should i call him in a couple of days for this explanation. I feel like i at least deserve that. I was being strong, now i feel like crap. Maybe he did just use me...

[Melissa7611]

Hey all...its me again...still no change...

 

But..did i mention that he bought me victoria secret lingerie. He had told me he had bought me an outfit and i would get it when i got there. I might add...i saw the outfit at the store...the whole thing cost over 100.00

 

Pretty expensive gift...dont u think for a quicky little weekend. Plus i wore it On Sat. Night and when i didnt wear it on Sunday night..he was surprised...He said i looked really good in it. I said dont worry i'll wear it again...can i wear it with someone else? He said..you better not..that's for me...So...why go to all that work..spending alot of money on just a quickly little thing. ???

 

Just something else to think about.

[whichwayisup]

He's a very tough guy..u know the strong silent type

 

He could have just quietly freaked, realizing how much he felt for you and the whole distance thing and not being together as much got to him?? Just a thought.

 

Some guys can't be really touchy feely after a while. Just give him some time to adjust, react and think. I'm sure when he is ready and able he will contact you. Try not to assume the worst quite yet. He could really just waiting things out abit before talking to you.

 

Good luck!!

[Melissa7611]

Whichwayisup,

 

Thanks for the advice. I just dont know. i am trying to not think about it much. It's hard but i still havent heard from him.

 

I forgot to mention that yest..i did try calling him...he didnt pick up..i didnt really think it was much of a bid deal..since i wasnt sure yet about what was going on. I mean i never really called huim often..unless i told him i iwas going to, he was waiting for me or he called me and i couldnt talk.

 

So i called him left vm around 9:00 pm..no response. Then i went online around 9:15 and i saw he was online...i sent him an instant message and he did not respond..i told him i guess he was still pissed or something and that i wouldnt bother him.

 

So no response....and on tuesday night...i sent him an email..something i never have done before. I told him i was sorry for being a pain in the butt and that i was just having one of those days were everything was pissing me off. I told him that i was sorry..and that he should know i am not normally like that,

 

I joked around a bit more in the email like we always do when we talk. And guess what? NO response...i dont think i really expected one.

 

So..here i am....no response or anything. He has never ignored me before. I have talked to him everyday for hours. Im not sure what he is thinking.

 

I know he is going through a divorce and all and i just wonder why he would go through all of this work and then be like this with me.. Maybe im just jumping the gun. Im not sure. Maybe he just used me. Everything just doesn't add up.

 

Like i said...he is a very straight forward person and when he is mad or pissed at something or someone he tells them. I asked him on tuesday night if he was ok and i must have asked him several times. I told him if anything was wrong would he tell me. And he said yes. I said are u sure...he said yes. I said o.k. He has had to tell many of girls that they are getting too attached or things arent working out. So if that is the case....im waiting. I think i deserve that much. He told me that if he didnt think something would work he wouldnt beat around the bush.

 

 

So..here i am...trying not to think about it...For now im fine. Im thinking if i dont hear from him by sat..should i call him..demand an explantation from MR. Straight foward...Mr. No play games...cause he says that's all women do.?

 

Im not sure...i think i deserve an explanation eventually. I just dont like knowing.

[JoL]

He is being really unfair, you have every right to be upset at him! Honestly, if he really wants to keep you in his life he has a funny way of showing it!

You need to make it clear to him how you feel (whatever that may be)...if he doesnt respond or react, then i think you have your answer...even though it is a very cruel way to blow someone off.

 

Sorry he is being such a jerk, but it happens..

[Melissa7611]

joL

 

thanks for your reply. I know he is being unfair. it ticks me off...i mean..this is out of nowhere...mr. honesty, mr. no bulls**t is not living up tp his words.

 

Do you think i should wait to call him..asking for an explanation? Im not a crazy girl..who is going too go nuts on him..im not going to call him and track him down. I ws thinking of waiting till Sat. or something. i think that's long enough..and if he doesnt respond..ill know what a b*****d he really is.

 

He's online now..and im seriously tempted to IM him..so i know if he wanted to he could easily call me.

 

Well..he fooled me..its' the not knowing that makes me sooo mad!!! I would much rather know,,whether good or bad..ya know?

[SoleMate]

$100 is not much to spend on a weekend of sex. After all, you paid for your plane fare!!

 

he tells me that...he can see himself dating me for a while.

After hearing that, I would tell him where to stick his bayonet. Sheesh.

 

He gave you a lot of WORDS and you believed them. Next time hold out for actions. And make HIM pay to come and see you - you should NOT travel to see an Internet love, IMO.

 

Sweet talk and sweet caresses cost him nothing, although it appears this experience has cost you something. My advice: Be aware that he will NOT be returning your calls, and redefine the whole thing as an intentional one-time fling.

[Melissa7611]

SoleMate

 

i guess so...words words words is all he gave..and he usually gives none..which surprised me. Actions..he had alot of those this weekend. He says he prefers to show how he feels..instead of saying it. Whatever...i get it now.

 

I was so reluctant at going...cause i wasnt sure where it would lead. Now i guess i know...waste of time and energy.

 

Oh well..I still think he deserves to give me an explanation. Like i said...i'll try sat...im sure i wont get nothing..but ill try for the last time. I have been good...not calling him today or anything and i wont tomorrow either. He needs to know that i am fine without him

 

Melissa

[Merin]

Melissa, Well I can understand how aggravated and frustrated you must be feeling..

 

My boyfriend is in the Marine Corps.. and I read your story of whats happened.. I wish I had something encouraging to say to you regarding this guy..

 

One thing I've noticed is that in almost every post you've said that he is a straight forward person, how he tells it like it is.. how he doesn't like games.. However, he isn't being straight forward, he hasn't told it like it is.. and he is playing games.

 

Sadly I cannot tell you how many guy and girls I know that are in the military and they are very VERY much married. They get away from home to a new duty station often away from thier family (yep this includes the wife) and they start feeling really single.. I've seen it a million times. They will LIE to these girls and tell them they are either NOT MARRIED when in fact they are.. or they tell them that they are GETTING A DIVORCE hmm news to thier wife.. OR they tell them they are seperated but they consider "seperated" to mean hey we don't live in the same state right now.

 

Not all guys in the military are like that.. but I'm going to tell you straight up, a lot of them are. Ever heard the phrase "what happens on deployment stays on deployment"

 

Yes he should give you an explanation.. but you know what, I doubt if you will get one.. and even IF you do get one, it won't be an honest one.

 

I'm willing to bet this guy ISN'T divorced. I know this isn't what you want to hear.. and I'm sorry.

 

Don't sweat him anymore, he clearly isn't worthy of your time and effort and continuing to do so will only serve to make you feel bad.

 

As you said, you were fine before you met him, and trust me you will more than fine without this kind of bulls*** in your life.

[Melissa7611]

Hey there....thanks for the advice!

 

But..he called. He wasn't ignoring me. He said he got the message i left him on vm last night...and the Im i had sent him. He said he passed out around 8pm. he had a long day on the base and when he woke up it was real late.

 

He got sent to Minnesota to travel with the president.He left early this morning. His unit does that often. He had an early flight and had to do sweeps all day. He said this was the first opportunity he had to call me.

 

So..all is well..i didnt say much to him...cause i figured it;s not his fault. He cant help it.It's the way it is in the military.

 

I did mention to him that i was in a bad mood the last two days...and he said oh yeah...he said you were in a sh***y mood on tuesday too. I said yeah...and then he said why would u think i was mad at you? I said..i dont know. I was just being stupid i guess. We had a good conversation..everything back to normal.

 

And i know he is getting a divorce..he is in the middle of it now...it will be finalized in december. I know cause we were talking about it when i saw him this weekend and he recieved papers in the mail from his wife's lawyer. So i know its true. Plus..all his friends were asking him how it was going and when it would be all over.

 

Trust me..he is really in the middle of the divorce.

 

Thanks for all the advice...i appreciate it very much. Alot of people have said dont trust guys in the military or such..and all i can say is...im being cautious....as of right now...i have learned my lesson on jumping to conclusions and i am going to be on gaurd...

 

Thanks again for listeaning to me

[Merin]

Originally posted by Melissa7611

Hey there....thanks for the advice!

 

But..he called. He wasn't ignoring me. He said he got the message i left him on vm last night...and the Im i had sent him. He said he passed out around 8pm. he had a long day on the base and when he woke up it was real late.

 

He got sent to Minnesota to travel with the president.He left early this morning. His unit does that often. He had an early flight and had to do sweeps all day. He said this was the first opportunity he had to call me.

 

So..all is well..i didnt say much to him...cause i figured it;s not his fault. He cant help it.It's the way it is in the military.

 

I did mention to him that i was in a bad mood the last two days...and he said oh yeah...he said you were in a sh***y mood on tuesday too. I said yeah...and then he said why would u think i was mad at you? I said..i dont know. I was just being stupid i guess. We had a good conversation..everything back to normal.

 

And i know he is getting a divorce..he is in the middle of it now...it will be finalized in december. I know cause we were talking about it when i saw him this weekend and he recieved papers in the mail from his wife's lawyer. So i know its true. Plus..all his friends were asking him how it was going and when it would be all over.

 

Trust me..he is really in the middle of the divorce.

 

Thanks for all the advice...i appreciate it very much. Alot of people have said dont trust guys in the military or such..and all i can say is...im being cautious....as of right now...i have learned my lesson on jumping to conclusions and i am going to be on gaurd...

 

Thanks again for listeaning to me

 

Just to clear this up... I'm NOT saying don't trust guys in the military, I'm saying don't trust a guy who tells you how wonderful you are, how he can see being with you, how he doesn't like games... and then flake out, not call you or respond to any emails or phone calls... that isn't just being in the military, that is regardless of what he does.

 

I'm happy that you're happy.. and I don't want to bust your happy moment... but when he was online and you IMED him... why couldn't he respond then? I know and fully understand that when you're in the military that when you are sent out for any reason, it can be that fast... but I also know that with cell phones, text messaging, land lines, IM, email, snail mail, telegrams... it is pretty hard if not impossible to get a message out to someone IF you really want to.

 

Best of Luck in the relationship and I really hope it works out for you.

[Melissa7611]

He didnt answer me when i sent him the IM because he was passed out..sleeping. He got my Vm late last night had to get ready to leave early in the morning.

 

I rememnber him telling me once before...when i travel with the president and im doing sweeps i cant answer the cell phone.

 

So...he finished late today...after doing the sweeps and all. I should mention...his unit works with the secret service.

 

Thank you for being so concerned. Trust me...I am on the gaurd right now. Regardless of how i jumped to conclusions..i am just going to be careful anyways.

 

He told me again that he had a good time this past weekend..and we laughed and joked around like always...

 

Thanks again..I dont think there is anythign wrong with what you are saying..i appreciate your honesty. Thanks again. I'll keep u all posted on everything.

[Merin]

Originally posted by Melissa7611

He didnt answer me when i sent him the IM because he was passed out..sleeping. He got my Vm late last night had to get ready to leave early in the morning.

 

I rememnber him telling me once before...when i travel with the president and im doing sweeps i cant answer the cell phone.

 

So...he finished late today...after doing the sweeps and all. I should mention...his unit works with the secret service.

 

Thank you for being so concerned. Trust me...I am on the gaurd right now. Regardless of how i jumped to conclusions..i am just going to be careful anyways.

 

He told me again that he had a good time this past weekend..and we laughed and joked around like always...

 

Thanks again..I dont think there is anythign wrong with what you are saying..i appreciate your honesty. Thanks again. I'll keep u all posted on everything.

 

Best Wishes Melissa;)

[SoleMate]

Best wishes and good luck to you. I hope all your dreams come true.