Why did he feel the need to do this?

[J_L_C]

WOW, just when I thought I was over the hump.

 

I haven't spoken to him in a long time and emailed him regarding something of mine I want back. I've asked many times over many months, but never got it. I know I shouldn't have reached out, but please, please, please, don't reprimand me for that because that is not what I need to say on here.

 

In his response, my ex decided to email me tonight to tell me that he is going to Venezuela to see a girl he met while on vacation a few months back. Apparently they are "in-love" and only met once. She is a resident of Venezuela and he is hoping she moves here. Is this guy for real? Am I the only one who thinks this is ridiculous? I dated the guy for a year and never would have imagined this type of thing for him. Talk about MAJOR long distance! It would have been one thing if they knew each other beforehand, but he met her there while vacationing and partying with his friends. He's 33 by the way. Does he honestly think this is going to work?

 

I'm bad because I felt the need to tell him how ridiculous and far fetched this seems. He's in love with someone he met once? He's flying there next week to spend 3 weeks with her. He wants to gain some 'clarity' over what the whole thing is. It's just nuts, that's what it is! He was pretty upset with me when I gave my view. I was blunt...I said it seemed desperate and ridiculous, and that it's just never going to work out.

 

I can't believe how desperate this guy is that he can't find someone in his own city, province or country and feels the need to so actively pursue a relationship with someone who lives sooooo far away.

 

Opinions?

[Suave]

Nothing is what it seens. I guarantee you his situation isn't as great as he's made it out to be.

[BustedUpInside]

Why did you give him your opinion? I guarantee that he probably just thinks you are jealous and didn't listen to a word.

[J_L_C]

I'm not really worried if he's jealous or not. He can think what he wants about that. I was just so taken aback, I was essentially laughing him in the face! He's living in a fairyland and if I didn't know he was 33, I'd have said he was just an impressionable youngin' with ZERO life experience.

 

He said he'd be honest with me and let me know when he starts seeing someone. Ummm, does that seriously qualify? He met her once! Now he's in love and is going to see her for the SECOND time. Oh and let's not forget they are " in-love". I honestly can't believe he's serious about this! Where is his common sense?!

[J_L_C]

I was honest with him...I said "you could have anyone in this city but you're so desperate you take the first woman to give you attention...in Venezuela!!"

 

In fairness to me, you don't know me. I've known this guy for a long time and a friend of his reached out to me tonight to say that my ex-bf is off his rocker with this and will I please drill some sense into him. His brother and parents are concerned because he's met her just once and already wants her to move here. You really don't know if you love someone after spending only a few days with them and talking on the phone the rest of the time. It's very superficial in what you know about each other.

 

The other thing is that he falls "in" just as fast as he falls "out". This is quite a leap of faith he is taking and what happens if she does come here and then boom, the bloom is off the flower. He's not using any common sense.

[J_L_C]

I couldn't care less if I am single and this has nothing to do with my post.

 

I am relating this to me for the following reason: when we met he fell in love with me fast...but we didn't know each other well when he said it and I thought it was too soon. Just like this girl. When we fell apart, it fell apart fast...because he met a new girl...and then another new one and so on. He doesn't know what love is and it makes me upset to look back on a relationship where I thought the love WAS real and meant something when REALLY he is just fickle and "in love with the idea of love". He doesn't know the meaning of the word and boy do I feel stupid for nearly throwing my life away for it.

[Leigh 87]

YOU'RE acting VERY desperate.

 

Sorry, but you have feelings for a guy (you must since you keep writing about him over and over again) who is not remotely interested in being with you. He was a jerk to you, and yet you STILL Write about him incessantly?

 

THAT is being desperate.

 

Now listen; I am SURE you're better than this! You sound like a nice person!

 

WHY are you so interested in a person who treated you like garbage?

 

If a person does not want to be around you and does not value you much, why do you want to have them in your life?

 

Why do you want to keep talking about a man who is a terrible person? Who jerked off when he broke up with you?

[J_L_C]

YOU'RE acting VERY desperate.

 

Sorry, but you have feelings for a guy (you must since you keep writing about him over and over again) who is not remotely interested in being with you. He was a jerk to you, and yet you STILL Write about him incessantly?

 

THAT is being desperate.

 

Now listen; I am SURE you're better than this! You sound like a nice person!

 

WHY are you so interested in a person who treated you like garbage?

 

If a person does not want to be around you and does not value you much, why do you want to have them in your life?

 

Why do you want to keep talking about a man who is a terrible person? Who jerked off when he broke up with you?

 

Because I loved him so very much and I never saw who he was and how hurtful he could be until the end. It makes me feel like for the RIGHT person, he will show all those good things about himself and won't ever show the bad that I got. If you aren't worthy, that's when you get the s hitt y treatement because he just doesn't care. I can bet this girl is getting all the good stuff I got while I was still "worthy" and I hate that I know this.

 

Maybe I should just slit my wrists because its the only thing that'll stop me and this constant, tiring thinking I go through.

[Leigh 87]

I couldn't care less if I am single and this has nothing to do with my post.

 

I am relating this to me for the following reason: when we met he fell in love with me fast...but we didn't know each other well when he said it and I thought it was too soon. Just like this girl. When we fell apart, it fell apart fast...because he met a new girl...and then another new one and so on. He doesn't know what love is and it makes me upset to look back on a relationship where I thought the love WAS real and meant something when REALLY he is just fickle and "in love with the idea of love". He doesn't know the meaning of the word and boy do I feel stupid for nearly throwing my life away for it.

 

 

 

He was NOT in love with you. Maybe he has a reduced capacity to love and he loved you as much as he could love a women. But girl, this man does not have it in him to fall in love.

 

IF he was in love with you, there is no way he would have been able to break your heart, and then jerk off while you cried your eyes out.

 

I am sure this girl is just a hot and cool girl he enjoys having sex with and talking to.

 

He said he fell IN love with you, and yet he easily left you and treated you like a piece of garbage.

 

I would not place much stock in him saying that he is "in love" with her.

 

POOR HER! She is wasting her time on a horrible man, where as YOU can go out and find a KIND and decent man.

 

I think your problem is, that you're really baffled at how he can say he is in love with you, yet be so cruel to you.

[J_L_C]

I'm not threatening. I'm seriously feeling this way. I saw two different professionals about this and even they couldn't get thru to why I'm not breaking this obsessive thought habit.

 

It all comes down to the person I thought I'd spend my life with. I believed him and everything he said and then he just took it all away--overnight! No warning signs, nothing. Read my Sherlock Holmes post. I never saw it coming. He was sweet, thoughtful, affectionate, and everything else that's positive but then he just threw me away like garbage one day. I'm worth nothing to him and likely never was. But he can go and be with some girl he met once and say he really and truly loves her?

[Autumn1890]

I read the threads from here from time to time but your thread caught my eye and I felt like I wanted to reply to it. For starters, I know it's hard, but sometimes we have to let the people whom we love the most go in order for the both of us to grow. It's hard. I'm going through that myself and tonight I'm sitting here taking myself of quite a few sites and deleting friends from others who don't serve my better good. As the old saying goes, when two people are in love and its complete, the relationship is whole. In order for it to be whole and weather all the good and bad both people have to be individually whole and happy and complete within themselves. That being said, there is something amiss.

 

It doesn't matter what you say at this point. I think yes it comes across as concerned even maybe with a little jealousy and jealousy is good to a point. I am glad though that you were blunt with him because at least he does know your feelings, but at this point let it go. Let him go. A friend of mine once said that we can still love and care for that person unattached even if there is no more interaction with them. Get it all out of your system, cry, get angry, punch the wall. Anger is ok. Some people see these "negative" behaviors as negative and unhealthy. I see them as gift from God just as gifts that are positive are good. You can't have the good without the bad. Everything has to be in balance. It isn't good to keep it inside. Go with the flow. Once its all over. You will feel much better. Unless it's personal pictures or something that belonged to you that was a family heirloom that he has, let it go. It's just material and can be re-purchased. All we need is good health, a roof over our heads, food to eat and water to drink. As for his new proposed girlfriend, it remains to be seen.

 

I met and married a man online from Morocco. We were together 7 years and married 6 of those years. He was one of the best men that I had ever met, dated and the first one I married. We did divorce last year because I just could not be in a relationship with him anymore because of the spiritual differences and the fact that he would not reason with being open-minded about all things. It was not do to the fact that I found someone else or he found someone else or that either one of us had cheated. Sometimes in relationships as we grow personally that relationship either grows along and complete with the two people and sometimes you just reach a maturation level where it can not be anymore. People meet folks from all over the world. With today's technology and the internet, it is all possible. It's not out of desperation. Things happen at a certain time and certain reason for everyone. It plays its part in our lives and sometimes for the rest of our lives and sometimes it ends so new doors can be opened.

 

i am very sorry that he did this but sometimes people do not know how to handle letting us down and explaining themselves because they lack the courage and don't want the confrontation. Just go on with your life as much as you can as I am too. Do the things that make you happy. Find a new hobby, exercise, etc and throw yourself into it. Sometimes they come back too - be aware of that be don't anticipate it.

 

Much peace to ya

 

Autumn

[Leigh 87]

Because I loved him so very much and I never saw who he was and how hurtful he could be until the end. It makes me feel like for the RIGHT person, he will show all those good things about himself and won't ever show the bad that I got. If you aren't worthy, that's when you get the s hitt y treatement because he just doesn't care. I can bet this girl is getting all the good stuff I got while I was still "worthy" and I hate that I know this.

 

Maybe I should just slit my wrists because its the only thing that'll stop me and this constant, tiring thinking I go through.

 

 

 

Honey, I am worried about you....... You sound super nice. You're a teacher right? That is a wonderful job. I am sure there are a lot of men who would love to be with a loyal women like you.

 

First of all, you need to see that you're so much BETTER than this guy!

 

I bet you would never hurt a man in this way! You are a better person than this man is. You deserve better than him.

 

You need therapy (I see a therapist twice a week myself).

 

My ex banged hookers and talked to literally HUNDREDS of women online. I KNOW how it feels to think that " hey, they treated me like crapp, are they just going to move on and treat the next girl like gold?"

 

NO. Sorry to say, that our exes are just he way they are..... Your guy jerked off while he dumped you and you were CRYING! He is disgusting!

 

I doubt either of our exes are going to suddenly change into better people because of a girl. They are just jerks.

 

And there are men out there who would genuinely fall in love with you, and who are decent men; they would not lie, cheat, or deceive you.

 

I will check up on your threads, I am actually really concerned about your wellbeing...

 

Look, I just got out of a 3 year relationship, I know how hard it is.

 

Take care of yourself please. You sound really nice.

[Leigh 87]

The only way.. And I mean literally the ONLY way for you to EVER move on and be happy in life, and forget about him, is to

 

- completely block him out of your life.

 

- never talk to him again.

 

....................Unless you seriously do that, you will probably never recover.

 

After months without him, and with therapy, you will hopefully be able to work on your self esteem and self worth, and see that your really awesome.

 

WITHOUT a guy to validate it. I too, am working on seeing how awesome I really am.

 

One day, when we are both feeling that we are really worthy people, a guy will just come along when we are least expecting it.

 

In the meanwhile, the only way to forget our exes, is to No Contact them.

 

I am about to implement No Contact shortly myself. I suggest you think about soon doing the same thing, if not NOW.

[Leigh 87]

I will tell you about my goal in therapy, and what my therapist is helping me to achieve.

 

- I want to feel completely happy and good within myself, so that my self worth is not tied to any man. I actually quiet like who I am and I do not feel that bad about myself that my ex did not want me, yet I am sure on a subconscious level that I am not aware of, I have a lot of damage that has been done to me. A therapist will help me process the events that happened to me, due to my exes jerk like behaviour.

 

Here is something you should think about:

 

- you need to feel really good about yourself, so that if a guy is a total jerk to you, you will be heartbroken yet you will not want him in your life anymore.

You will be able to say "wow he was a terrible person to me, he can go get stuffed!"

 

I hope you're okay.....

 

I am getting therapy twice a week as it stands, and I am not depressed or anywhere near as upset as you sound:(

 

I can benefit from therapy and so could you.....

[Simon Phoenix]

Oh boy. Where to begin. You should have never contacted him in the first place (as I told you) and it's literally none of your business and completely inappropriate for you to be making comments about his love life. You don't need to kill yourself, you need to get professional help and you need to figure out why you are obsessed with this loser. Because you are obsessed. Besides that, I have nothing to say that hasn't been said to you hundreds of times here. But please, get therapy ASAP. We can't help you on here. This is for people who are willing to help themselves. You aren't at this point and you need professionals to help you figure out why. We can't do that for you.

[J_L_C]

Hi everyone,

 

Despite everyone thinking your words of advice aren't heard, they are. I appreciate each and every contribution to my threads. I come on here because I read them when I'm have really hard times. I don't have much support in my daily life and I feel like I really get heard on here. For that, I thank you.

 

It's not that I don't want to change. I'm miserable and I do. But for some reason I can't let this guy go. As I said before I've only been in two long-term relationships. The first one was more of a friend than anything else, and I knew I'd never marry him. But with this recent ex, I had never been so sure of anything in my whole life. I feel a bit stupid for having trusted him so much and believed everything he said. Another thing is that he is an extremely insecure person when it comes to women. He actually went to a life coach for assertiveness training in the area of his confidence pertaining to women. He really is desperate to find love and because he dumped me, I feel extremely worthless. If such a desperate, love-seeking insecure man doesn't want me, then what am I? Am I really that unwanted that even a desperate man who will travel to Venezuela to find love when he had a good thing right here? It makes me feel like $hit.

 

The other thing is that he KNOWS what a hard time I've had with this breakup. I hadn't reached out in months and when I did, he decided to be so purposefully mean and throw in my face that he has fallen in love with someone else. That he'll travel to a different country to see her, when he only ever drove to see me where I live TWICE in one year. We only live 30 min away too. Why did he have to be so mean? He didn't have to say that to me when he really had no idea where my head was at. He continues to want to hurt me and I don't understand who he has turned into. Did I ever really know this person? Because that scares me.

[Exitleft]

Hi everyone,

 

Despite everyone thinking your words of advice aren't heard, they are. I appreciate each and every contribution to my threads. I come on here because I read them when I'm have really hard times. I don't have much support in my daily life and I feel like I really get heard on here. For that, I thank you.

 

It's not that I don't want to change. I'm miserable and I do. But for some reason I can't let this guy go. As I said before I've only been in two long-term relationships. The first one was more of a friend than anything else, and I knew I'd never marry him. But with this recent ex, I had never been so sure of anything in my whole life. I feel a bit stupid for having trusted him so much and believed everything he said. Another thing is that he is an extremely insecure person when it comes to women. He actually went to a life coach for assertiveness training in the area of his confidence pertaining to women. He really is desperate to find love and because he dumped me, I feel extremely worthless. If such a desperate, love-seeking insecure man doesn't want me, then what am I? Am I really that unwanted that even a desperate man who will travel to Venezuela to find love when he had a good thing right here? It makes me feel like $hit.

 

The other thing is that he KNOWS what a hard time I've had with this breakup. I hadn't reached out in months and when I did, he decided to be so purposefully mean and throw in my face that he has fallen in love with someone else. That he'll travel to a different country to see her, when he only ever drove to see me where I live TWICE in one year. We only live 30 min away too. Why did he have to be so mean? He didn't have to say that to me when he really had no idea where my head was at. He continues to want to hurt me and I don't understand who he has turned into. Did I ever really know this person? Because that scares me.

 

I am sorry. You're getting some tough love here but it's because people want to see you move on and improve.

 

I was in a similar situation where someone was very desperate for love but then ended up treating me like dirt but that is not a reflection on me and my worth.

 

It is difficult to deal with, it is hard to understand how someone can mean so much and it appears you meant so little to them but you won't ever find closure like this.

 

Like someone else said, you cannot possibly measure your worth against the actions of a worthless individual.

 

What he did to you was about him not you. You are worthy but until you start believing it and acting like it, you will still be trying to understand why he did what he did to you.

 

This is easier said than done because I am right where you are. I understand the questions you ask, but I know there is something better out there for you.

 

Really, feel better. I completely empathize and get where you are coming from. Take care.

[destroyed4sho]

Suicide threats are not cool. Get to a professional therapist ASAP.

 

Just some good snatch he thinks is worth a plane ticket.

He is making it more than it really is to make you jealous, he is pathetic.

[Simon Phoenix]

Once again you are looking at this whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of wondering what's wrong with you because this jackass threw you to the curb, you should be asking what's wrong with him because he had a golden ticket (you) that he gave away. The way that you look at this thing is completely f--ked and you need therapy to chip away at the massive self-esteem problems you possess. Because you have no self-respect and there has to be a reason why.

 

That being said, STOP CONTACTING HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was literally the stupidest thing you could do. As you've been told time and time again, nothing good comes from it. As crappy as you felt before, the way you feel now is infinitely worse. He's a douche, but he doesn't owe you an explanation for anything. If he wants to fly to South America to get it in, who cares. If he wants to pick up women on craigslist, who cares. Getting involved in that has nothing to do with you. Stop falling for his juvenile crap and stop opening yourself up to it by talking to him. It's just plain f-ing stupid.

 

So you picked a bad seed? Who cares, we all have. Stop letting one bad choice destroy your whole life. People wrong us, people do the wrong thing, people treat us like dirt from time to time. Continuing to dwell on it doesn't help things, it just makes sure that he's always defeating you. He got you once, don't let it continue. Stand up and be proud of yourself -- stop acting like a worthless bootlicker. Because there's more to you than that.

[J_L_C]

Just some good snatch he thinks is worth a plane ticket.

He is making it more than it really is to make you jealous, he is pathetic.

 

Do you think there is any truth to the fact that he is indeed "in love" with her? He was talking about hopefully having her move here.

[J_L_C]

Once again you are looking at this whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of wondering what's wrong with you because this jackass threw you to the curb, you should be asking what's wrong with him because he had a golden ticket (you) that he gave away. The way that you look at this thing is completely f--ked and you need therapy to chip away at the massive self-esteem problems you possess. Because you have no self-respect and there has to be a reason why.

 

That being said, STOP CONTACTING HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was literally the stupidest thing you could do. As you've been told time and time again, nothing good comes from it. As crappy as you felt before, the way you feel now is infinitely worse. He's a douche, but he doesn't owe you an explanation for anything. If he wants to fly to South America to get it in, who cares. If he wants to pick up women on craigslist, who cares. Getting involved in that has nothing to do with you. Stop falling for his juvenile crap and stop opening yourself up to it by talking to him. It's just plain f-ing stupid.

 

So you picked a bad seed? Who cares, we all have. Stop letting one bad choice destroy your whole life. People wrong us, people do the wrong thing, people treat us like dirt from time to time. Continuing to dwell on it doesn't help things, it just makes sure that he's always defeating you. He got you once, don't let it continue. Stand up and be proud of yourself -- stop acting like a worthless bootlicker. Because there's more to you than that.

 

That one bad seed was THE person I thought I was going to marry. THE person I thought had my back and loved me as much as he said. Now he's so desperate to find love, he's going to travel to South America? To see her for the SECOND time, but is saying he is IN LOVE with her and wants her to move here? Feels the need to rub that $hit all over my face?

[flitzanu]

WOW, just when I thought I was over the hump.

 

I haven't spoken to him in a long time and emailed him regarding something of mine I want back. I've asked many times over many months, but never got it. I know I shouldn't have reached out, but please, please, please, don't reprimand me for that because that is not what I need to say on here.

 

In his response, my ex decided to email me tonight to tell me that he is going to Venezuela to see a girl he met while on vacation a few months back. Apparently they are "in-love" and only met once. She is a resident of Venezuela and he is hoping she moves here. Is this guy for real? Am I the only one who thinks this is ridiculous? I dated the guy for a year and never would have imagined this type of thing for him. Talk about MAJOR long distance! It would have been one thing if they knew each other beforehand, but he met her there while vacationing and partying with his friends. He's 33 by the way. Does he honestly think this is going to work?

 

I'm bad because I felt the need to tell him how ridiculous and far fetched this seems. He's in love with someone he met once? He's flying there next week to spend 3 weeks with her. He wants to gain some 'clarity' over what the whole thing is. It's just nuts, that's what it is! He was pretty upset with me when I gave my view. I was blunt...I said it seemed desperate and ridiculous, and that it's just never going to work out.

 

I can't believe how desperate this guy is that he can't find someone in his own city, province or country and feels the need to so actively pursue a relationship with someone who lives sooooo far away.

 

Opinions?

 

why is it any of your business who he falls in love with or wants to date? he dumped you, your opinion has no relevance to him, and he obviously didn't ask for your advice. did you think he was going to appreciate you demeaning everything he's doing when you told him he's desperate and ridiculous?

 

have you considered focusing on your OWN life instead of worrying about his every move?

[Simon Phoenix]

That one bad seed was THE person I thought I was going to marry. THE person I thought had my back and loved me as much as he said. Now he's so desperate to find love, he's going to travel to South America? To see her for the SECOND time, but is saying he is IN LOVE with her and wants her to move here? Feels the need to rub that $hit all over my face?

 

So you were wrong. Big deal, we all are wrong at some point. Compounding it like you are doesn't accomplish a damn thing.

[Simon Phoenix]

Do you think there is any truth to the fact that he is indeed "in love" with her? He was talking about hopefully having her move here.

 

Why does it matter? And honestly, you wouldn't have known any of this if you didn't break NC. And it still wouldn't matter.

[Sunshine87]

OP,

 

I am sorry that you are hurting. But technological advancements have changed the dynamics of things.

 

I was dating a guy for over three years and we were planning to get married. We were pretty much family. He left me for a girl he was cheating on me with...she lives over 14 hours away from him while I live 3 mins away from him. They are currently engaged and plan to get married soon- this year or the next. When he had nothing, when he was broke and jobless I stood by him. My friends laughed at me because he just seemed to have no future. But immediately he became settled and made some money, I guess he had the money to fly her down and travel.

 

It hurt so bad. This guy lives three mins but chose a woman who lives 14 hours away, in another CONTINENT.

 

This happened last year. But I had to accept it and move on. I have not spoken to him since we broke up.... Except once. Life must go on.

 

You need to cut all contact and never look back. He is GONE. The fact that he is in love with a Venezuelan doesn't make him desperate. That is who he fell for.

 

I know how it hurts. Just today, I saw him drive past me. Just a few days ago, I heard he flew her down. I didn't seek this information. It came to me. But I warned my friends to stop giving me information about him. I forced myself to move on. I miss him a lot and I miss the future I thought we had. But it is over. You need to accept that. He is gone.

 

I really don't know what else to say but ten months is a long long time. Make it your goal to make some progress within the next month. The only person suffering is you. Stop hurting yourself. Hugs.