JamVan Posted October 7, 2004 Posted October 7, 2004 My Girlfriend has recently gone through some major happenings (which I won't go into right now) in her life and it has resulted in her falling into a major depression. She is seeking help for this, but in the mean time she is very withdrawn and at times says very hurtful things. She comes back later and says she's sorry and doesn't mean them, but this is all really hard to deal with. I love her and won't give up on her, but she has asked for everyone to leave her alone and let her deal with things. She has told me she loves me, and does not have an issue where her and I are concerned, so I've stepped right off and am waiting for her to come to me. She called last night 4 times but I didn't hear the phone. The last time she called she left a message saying she's sorry for being such a B***h to me lately and could I please call her in the morning? SO I did and I could tell by her tone she was back down again. SHe stated she was drunk and didn't remember calling me. So I just said ok and let her go. I'm sort of at a loss of what I should do? I know I have to give her some space, but how do I do that and still be supportive? I don't want to lose her and she has said she doesn't want to lose me either, but she just needs to be alone at the moment as she's not happy with herself so how can she be happy with anything else??? Any help or suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Naive Posted October 7, 2004 Posted October 7, 2004 If she needs time to to herself to make things better then give it to her, but if she is getting drunk and making things worse maybe you should talk to her family and all of you can help her out, sometimes one person alone is not good or not enough. If she's going through something real hard make sure she goes to a therapist and do not leave her alone if it's not really beneficial for her. Sometimes people can't do make it better by themselves and they need to seek professional help.
Author JamVan Posted October 7, 2004 Author Posted October 7, 2004 She has been going to see a therapist and it sort of seems she's slowly coming around at times, but then the next day she's back where she started. Her friends and i have been talking behind the scenes and are keeping our eye on her best we can. She is even shutting out her best friend and acting the same towrds her as she is me. I'm not taking anything she says too personal. Her doctor wants to put her on anti-depressants, which I hope helps. Right now I'm really worried about her and miss her terribly, but as I said she wants to be alone. She has even been honest with me and said it's for the best right now, cause she doesn't want to hurt or take anything out on me which has been happening.
SoleMate Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Depression can be very cruel and destructive. It is essential that your gf get some serious, goal-oriented treatment that almost certainly should include antidepressants, and probably also cognitive therapy. Giving up the alcohol would help. Does your gf WANT to feel better? Does she accept that she is depressed, that she has a mood disorder? Just be aware that depressed people can be angry and volatile. She will likely blame YOU for most or all of her suffering. BTW - I have LOTS of personal experience, so please do let me know how I can help.
Author JamVan Posted October 8, 2004 Author Posted October 8, 2004 Yes she does want to feel better and has been seeking therapy. Actually she bought a book on cognitive therapy. Last night was the first time in two weeks she actually turned a corner. She has been so withdrawn from her friends and myself lately, but she called me to have dinner with her. So I cooked her dinner and she talked about what's been going on in her head. We talked for about 3 hours and it made a few things clear. At least I know what she is going through has nothing to do with me(us). She told me how much she loves me and wants to build a life, but that she has to be happy with herself first before moving forward...that I can be supportive of. I can actually see a light at the end of the tunnel now, but at the same time won't let myself get too far ahead of myself. It's really hard wtching someone you love go through something like this. You feel handcuffed when it comes to helping them and a lot of the times their anger gets taken out on you the person they care about. I'm learning and dealing with this as best I can, but would not wish this on anyone. Any other thoughts or suggestions are openly welcome. Thanks
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