JoL Posted October 7, 2004 Posted October 7, 2004 Okay, so this is the story: I have pretty strict parents when it comes to the dating game, even though im 21. They only want me dating guys of the same ethnic background. I have never dated someone of the same background though..thats there rule, not mine. Problem is, to avoid fights in the past i have hid my love life from them and just plain denied relationships to avoid conflict, they found out about a serious relationship i was having, but it ended a couple of months later (not because of them). they werent happy with it, but didnt really have anything bad to say about the guy as a person..just that they wish i could find someone of the same background. I realise now that hiding things is/was not the right thing to do as it just causes more problems and lies. My current bf of 9 months and i are having some seriously major issues in relation to my family stuff. I pretty much stopped hiding him from them and told them i was seeing someone when we had been together for about 6 months. They were calm enough about it, until they got the hint that we were fighting and things wernet goign so well..we werent just fighting about the parents issue, he was finding reasons to fight with me while i was overseas about a million different things. He made me cry hysterically in at least 3 different international airports. so the day i get back from O.S.: i take the car and disappear for several hours, i then tell my parents why i disappeared. My parents wernet happy about the situation- but not really overly angry or hysterical. during that time my bf and i were having BIG fights (they fights started to become about this issue), i was in tears, always running after him trying to make the situation better (at like 2am one night) he was saying awful things (verbally abusive) i was miserable trying to salvage the relationship. He wanted me to stick it to my parents and basically tell them to get f***ed and it was my life. I told him i had discussed the issue with them and they knew it was my decision who i dated. He said he wanted to see me do something BIG to prove to him that he was important..I was going out of my mind. Since then (its been a couple of months) my mother has overheard us fighting, seen me in tears, had me beg her to let me go and see him because he was making me feel emotionally blackmailed ("if you really cared you'd be here with me in my time of need...")...Basically she has seen me quite miserable and upset and knows its because of fights we had. My bf is not a bad person overall, he does love me a great deal and does a lot for me, i had told her this plenty of times and tried to make her understand that all couples fight...but she keeps saying he is bad for me and he's just making me miserable....on the flipside.... He keeps saying, if you could stand up to your parents and get through to them instead of just keeping the peace, then i wouldnt be getting upset at you, tell your mother its their fault we fight!...i basically tell him i understand his frustration- but the way he chooses to express it isnt healthy or fair on me. i tell my mum its my life and what i do with it should be up to me alone. Im going out of my mind here.. i feel like my bf wants me to tell my parents to get ****ed because they are manipualting my life.... my parents want me to tell my bf to get ****ed because he is manipulating my life...!!!!! I cant win! Im slowly going crazy!!!!!
Author JoL Posted October 7, 2004 Author Posted October 7, 2004 by the way, i should point out, this parents issue wasnt even an issue in our relationship until i went overseas..we were together for 6 months and he didnt mention it as being a problem not once.
Recommended Posts