LOSTnMT Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I was in a relationships for 15 years. During the course of this relationship we had a son who is going to be 14 this July. Last year in February I confirmed that my significant other (51) was having an affair with a felon (27) that was just paroled from prison for armed robbery and theft. https://app.mt.gov/cgi-bin/conweb/conwebLookup.cgi?docid=2071770 He was stealing money and guns from my home while I was out of town working. I ended up putting some software on my ex's smart phone so I could view their text messages, call logs and locations. I moved out and got a restraining order against this guy because he was threatening to kill me. I didnt want him around my son for any reason and she didnt care and even told me that I was a worse person than this guy. This escalated over the course of the year and this last January he kidnapped a person from a hotel and murdered him. Billings PD kidnap investigation turns into homicide case | KTVQ.com | Q2 | Billings, Montana Billings homicide suspect confesses to killing victim | KTVQ.com | Q2 | Billings, Montana I finally got this guy out of my sons life and lately I have been feeling lost and cheated by my ex. This didn't happen last year when all this was going on because my focus was on my son. I am having trouble sleeping, wanting to work and at times even continue on with life in general. I also have moved for work to a very remote location and have no friends or family around so I spend a lot of time by myself. Is this normal to have a delayed reaction to this relationship or is there something else going on that I may not recognize? I hurt and I feel so alone and that just isn't me. I am a very positive person I have more than enough confidence almost to the point of people that don't know me think I am arrogant. I just hurt and need some advice about what to do about this.
aisuru Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I am really sorry you're hurting. Delayed pain is no fun. I also think that is an awful lot of personal information (in the web links) that you maybe shouldn't have shared here.
Author LOSTnMT Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 I thought about that, but its all public record that anyone can find on the web so I did it to help people understand who and what I was dealing with. If the mods find it to be too much they can and should take it down. Maybe I was wrong in doing so....and if so I apologize.
aisuru Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Well, your breakup, with details like that, would be a shock to the system once the moment passed and things settled down. I wish I had something wise and ingenious to say. I just don't. Have you considered seeing a therapist? What have you done to take care of yourself and heal yourself?
Author LOSTnMT Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 I am not going to rule out a therapist, but its not really my style to deal with things like that. As for taking care of myself I have chosen to throw myself into work and I work very long hours. I also have been working out and riding my bike as much as possible. Other than that I am just hoping time will work this out. I am very picky about who I date or am attracted to so it takes a very unique circumstance to get me even looking at other women. I don't need or want that problem in my life right now with all thats going on. It's not fair to another person if I am where I am at right now.
flitzanu Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 wow. and here most of us have a hard time dealing with our puppy dog love breaking our hearts and the most WONDERFUL PERSON WE'VE EVER MET AND DATED FOR TWO MONTHS DUMPED ME type of problems. you had a seriously volatile relationship and serious things to worry about! kudos to removing yourself from the situation, and even as dangerous and crazy as it was, it's pretty normal to miss the familiarity. after such major issues though, i too would suggest some more serious advice from a professional that might be more helpful in sorting out the mess of thoughts you are undoubtedly having. cheers. 1
Author LOSTnMT Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 Thanks flitz I know what you are saying but the most wonderful person I have ever met I was with for 15 years and even though we had hard times and some problems I trusted her more than anyone I have ever known. I used to think that no matter how bad things got the one thing that was bedrock was our commitment to each other and our loyalty. I can be defined my my loyalty I will never waiver on that. It is a sign of integrity and the one true thing I can give another person. Now all of that is gone and I am up and down some good days and many many more bad. The one thing I never wanted to screw up was my sons life and now its completely out of my control. I do thank each of you for your words and thoughts, it helps more than you know. 1
flitzanu Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Thanks flitz I know what you are saying but the most wonderful person I have ever met I was with for 15 years and even though we had hard times and some problems I trusted her more than anyone I have ever known. I used to think that no matter how bad things got the one thing that was bedrock was our commitment to each other and our loyalty. I can be defined my my loyalty I will never waiver on that. It is a sign of integrity and the one true thing I can give another person. Now all of that is gone and I am up and down some good days and many many more bad. The one thing I never wanted to screw up was my sons life and now its completely out of my control. I do thank each of you for your words and thoughts, it helps more than you know. ackk, sorry, i missed one key line in that story, i was thinking the "he" was your ex, the one that committed all those crimes. i just caught the bit that "she" was having an affair with "him". still, wow. you've been through a helluva lot.
todreaminblue Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Thanks flitz I know what you are saying but the most wonderful person I have ever met I was with for 15 years and even though we had hard times and some problems I trusted her more than anyone I have ever known. I used to think that no matter how bad things got the one thing that was bedrock was our commitment to each other and our loyalty. I can be defined my my loyalty I will never waiver on that. It is a sign of integrity and the one true thing I can give another person. Now all of that is gone and I am up and down some good days and many many more bad. The one thing I never wanted to screw up was my sons life and now its completely out of my control. I do thank each of you for your words and thoughts, it helps more than you know. This is proof to me that people can change........that wonderful woman you met and spent nearly two decades with ...was not the same woman who decided a convicted felon was better than you.....the loyalty she had faded where you remained constant.........i feel for you i really do and your son who must be as devastated.....i was left after fifteen years with five children......for an affair that he had started at his work place..the pain fades...only time will help you.......and a confidence that it wasnt you who caved......who changed ....stay true to you...stay true to your son......and i wish you much love and happiness in your future with a woman who can be as loyal as you are....btw have you had any more threats from the dick....if he is on parole ....shouldnt there be consequences for what he threatened you with.....hugs....deb
aisuru Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Thanks flitz I know what you are saying but the most wonderful person I have ever met I was with for 15 years and even though we had hard times and some problems I trusted her more than anyone I have ever known. I used to think that no matter how bad things got the one thing that was bedrock was our commitment to each other and our loyalty. I can be defined my my loyalty I will never waiver on that. It is a sign of integrity and the one true thing I can give another person. Now all of that is gone and I am up and down some good days and many many more bad. The one thing I never wanted to screw up was my sons life and now its completely out of my control. I do thank each of you for your words and thoughts, it helps more than you know. Of course you're hurt. Somebody you placed that much loyalty and trust in went and dated somebody like that! OYE. I'm guessing you're sitting here trusting your judgment. And hiding in work. From one workaholic to another, that is not healthy. I know you don't want to do it, but a therapist may help. They listen, and prod you in a good direction. They're neutral and have no personal investment. Give it some thought. I can only imagine how out of control you feel, particularly for your son's life. Family therapy perhaps? Is your ex in the picture still? OYE. Sorry, that's all I got. 1
Author LOSTnMT Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 This is proof to me that people can change........that wonderful woman you met and spent nearly two decades with ...was not the same woman who decided a convicted felon was better than you.....the loyalty she had faded where you remained constant.........i feel for you i really do and your son who must be as devastated.....i was left after fifteen years with five children......for an affair that he had started at his work place..the pain fades...only time will help you.......and a confidence that it wasnt you who caved......who changed ....stay true to you...stay true to your son......and i wish you much love and happiness in your future with a woman who can be as loyal as you are....btw have you had any more threats from the dick....if he is on parole ....shouldnt there be consequences for what he threatened you with.....hugs....deb No more threats from him. He is sitting in jail on murder, kidnapping and 14 more felonies for robbing casinos in the area. He isn't going to be a problem anymore. Thanks again for all the input it makes me think in different directions than I normally do.
ANewton Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 There definitely is such a thing as a delayed reaction, the feelings you had for your partner do not disappear overnight even when we are faced with their actions. I still can't work out whether it is a healing or defence mechanism, but one thing I do know is that it fools us into a false sense of security, then it hits you. It is very hard, and it sounds like you really had other priorities, number 1 being your son, whatever you say, he does and will appreciate what you did for him, and you took care of him first because you love him, that part of you is still intact, you are not broken. There are mixed feelings, but number 1 now has to be to look after yourself. Wish you all the best.
Author LOSTnMT Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Today was and still is an incredibly hard day for me. I spent the weekend in the town where my son lives and went to his basketball camp games. He is such an amazing person and I am missing out on so much because of this. His mom was trying to keep him from seeing me like she always does and he wouldnt have any of it he just left the house called me and met me a block away to spend the weekend with me. On the 5 hour drive back to where I am working I just kept going over all of this in my head and I was all over the place emotionally. It is so weird that I can go days and weeks being fine and then I have days like today that really make me want to sleep and weap......ugh I cant wait for tomorrow
Author LOSTnMT Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Thanks Metal, you are probably right.
Author LOSTnMT Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 This part is finally over Simon Jacobson admits murder, kidnap charges in plea deal for life without parole
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