ConfusedT Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 WHY is it so hard for me to let this man go? I broke NC and went to the beach with him and his kids (& mine) to go swimming because he said the "kids" should spend time together... No, he didn't apologize either!! When I was with him, it was the HAPPIEST i have been since we broke up, but when I didn't hear a thing from him, i feel like im at day 1 allll over again!! I know I shouldn't even allow him to be around me after what HE did to me & put me through, but i literally missed the living hell out of him SO MUCH! and being with him just made me feel happy.. even though thats sound stupid as hell!! What the hell is wrong with me? Why the hell am i allowing this? why did i allow it? I need some real, truthful, blunt answers to help me never do this again...
BustedUpInside Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Ok, I am going to be harsh because you asked for it. Did you really think this was a good idea? What did you think was going to happen? That he would see you and fall to his knees in gratitude because he just had an epiphany that you two were "meant for each other". Did he ever even act like that when you guys were in a relationship? Why on earth would you expect him to change into a loving person now that you are broken up? Also, you need to get over this whole idea that he was your soulmate. There is no such thing. Even for argument's sake, let's say there is soulmates. He obviously wasn't yours, because if he was, you are giving him every opportunity to be with you and yet he still chooses not to. How long do you want to spend getting over this guy? To be honest, every time you contact him, respond to him, hang out with him, you are just adding more and more time to your healing process. And not even time where it is ok, like at the end where you are just sort of depressed. No, you're adding time to the really sucky part where you cry all day long and can barely get out of bed. The worst part? YOU are doing this to yourself! No one else is hurting you. Why would you do this to yourself? If you saw someone hurting another person in a similar way, you would call the police for assault! Ok, that's enough reality check. Just try to get back on track now. You can take control of your actions and decide that you can be away from your ex. You don't need him, and he doesn't get to tell you what is good for your children anymore! Good luck and I hope you are able to be strong from now on 6
aisuru Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 What's sadder to me is that you're taking your children on this ride... I hope you figure out what is best for you. and your children. 3
Author ConfusedT Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Ok, I am going to be harsh because you asked for it. Did you really think this was a good idea? No, I didn't but when he brought up the "kids", I felt bad... :/ What did you think was going to happen? That he would see you and fall to his knees in gratitude because he just had an epiphany that you two were "meant for each other". No, I didn't think that either. I don't know what I thought, maybe I was more hoping for an apology than getting back together. I love him but I don't want him, I'm just still hurt if that makes sense... Did he ever even act like that when you guys were in a relationship? Why on earth would you expect him to change into a loving person now that you are broken up? No he never really did. Maybe in my face he portrayed it, but definitely not what he was doing behind my back.. And towards the end, no not even what he was doing in my face was relationship like. Also, you need to get over this whole idea that he was your soulmate. There is no such thing. I don't know why I think we were meant for each other. I have such a delusional perception of love that I think anything is better than nothing when it's NOT!! How long do you want to spend getting over this guy? I wanted to be OVER him already.. I know it brought me right back to day 1 when i was over a week already!! Exactly, it took him ONE phone call for me to be back in his loop. I guess I wasnt strong enough!! I know, I am so disappointed in myself for doing this to me and the kids. I am not curled up in my bed this time, but I am hurting and it's ridiculous because I did do this to myself. The kids loved each other, so its hard..
dreamliver7 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I guess you built up expectations of some miracle rather than letting the meet be for it's actual purpose of "letting the kids being together".And what do they say about expectations - The source of all trouble and misery. Don't beat yourself too much about all this now. What's happened has happened. And I agree with BUI on the soulmate topic, you end up giving undue respect to the person. And I'm sure your kids need you mentally and emotionally stronger than other kids. So think about it either ways, you need to take stock of YOU and avoid being in emotionally challenging scenarios... atleast until you feel emotionally and mentally stronger and have no expectations in the future. 2
Author ConfusedT Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 I completely agree. I do need to focus on me entirely and I am trying to. I can probably go an entire month without speaking to him, in theory, because I wont need to bother him about our shared bills until then!! Im trying my hardest!! I hate that I left him and Im the weak one.. SUCKS!!
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 If I were in your position, I would realise that I had hopes for my ex. You sound like you really care about him and have feelings for him still. Unless he is begging to be with you, then I would say that he does not really want to be with you. It is sad that the kids were all friends, but kids tend to make other friends as they grow older, and I am sure both your kids will move on and make new friends! It may be hard for the kids at first, but they will find new friends. They will get over this. As for you? Well, unless he makes it clear that he wants you back, and that he is also a worthy guy to be with, then I would have a think about why you benefit from talking to him. Good luck.
Author ConfusedT Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Definitely not a worthy guy, if you read any of my posts.. I think something tramatic must have happened to me early in life to have such a delusional view of what love is i guess, im just not sure what it is and therapy doesnt seem to pull it out of me!! I do love him and its weird, it's not me trying to be with him because i really dont want to, its more of me wanting him to apologize or even recognize what he did and try to right his wrongs for me as a person, not to fix our "romantic relationship", its hard to explain... sighs and no he isnt lifting a finger to do anything at all... And yes, kids do find new friends but if he wouldnt have initiated the convo, i wouldnt have..
Simon Phoenix Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Focus your energy on your children and stop the dog and pony show with your ex.
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