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I want a 'clean break up'

LostGirl11

By LostGirl11
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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LostGirl11 Established Member

LostGirl11

Posted
Posted (edited)

My ex finished with me via text, he was cold and nasty. But I don't want to leave things like that, he was special to me and I just hate the idea of leaving things on a bad note, even though it was him that was nasty and disrespectful.

 

I keep thinking up things I want to say to him. I'm actually giving myself headaches from fighting the urge!

 

Is it worth breaking NC for?

Edited by LostGirl11
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

No.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(10 characters)

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LostGirl11 Established Member

LostGirl11

Posted
  • Author
Posted

It would be for purley selfish reasons. I want to do it to make ME feel better and to feel more at ease. It wouln't be for him.

 

Hmm...

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Then it definitely won't work.

You'll feel worse, particularly if he doesn't respond favourably

 

Nothing is worth breaking NC for - particularly when the other person was unpleasant about it.

 

if you're seeking closure - it never, but never comes from the other person.

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aisuru Established Member

aisuru

Posted
Posted

There is no such thing as a clean break up.

 

You're not going to find any closure from him.

 

Time to take care of you.

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LostGirl11 Established Member

LostGirl11

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Then it definitely won't work.

You'll feel worse, particularly if he doesn't respond favourably

 

Nothing is worth breaking NC for - particularly when the other person was unpleasant about it.

 

if you're seeking closure - it never, but never comes from the other person.

 

You're right.

 

I just hate leaving things like this :( I keep getting myself worked up over it!!

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted

Absolutely not. It's a terrible idea. So you break NC and strive for a "clean" breakup -- whatever the heck that means -- and then what? Odds are it won't go the way you want it to go (if you even have an idea) and you'll be saddled with more questions.

 

Things are meant to end badly. If they didn't end badly, they wouldn't end at all.

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LostGirl11 Established Member

LostGirl11

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Absolutely not. It's a terrible idea. So you break NC and strive for a "clean" breakup -- whatever the heck that means -- and then what? Odds are it won't go the way you want it to go (if you even have an idea) and you'll be saddled with more questions.

 

Things are meant to end badly. If they didn't end badly, they wouldn't end at all.

 

I just want to wish him well, say good bye, to take care, ect. That's what I meant by 'Clean'

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
Posted

If you reply at all, you look like the needy jerk who can't cut contact.

 

Let him be that person.

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LostGirl11 Established Member

LostGirl11

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If you reply at all, you look like the needy jerk who can't cut contact.

 

Let him be that person.

 

Reply to what?

aisuru Established Member

aisuru

Posted
Posted
I just want to wish him well, say good bye, to take care, ect. That's what I meant by 'Clean'

 

 

Uhhh, so he broke up with you via text and quote "was cold and nasty," yet you would like to wish him well and say goodbye?

 

He doesn't deserve that. You deserve better.

 

If you want to look needy and show him you have zero respect for yourself, then sure, go ahead.

BustedUpInside Established Member

BustedUpInside

Posted
Posted
You're right.

 

I just hate leaving things like this :( I keep getting myself worked up over it!!

 

If you're anything like me, you're the kind of person that really needs things to end on an amicable note in any encounter. Thinking that somebody out there is actually actively disliking me is really upsetting and I always try to think of ways to make amends or put forth my case.

 

Unfortunately, in this scenario, you won't every to be able to get that closure that you are looking for. Your ex will either ignore your text and you will be in the exact same situation that you are in now, except now you will be waiting for a reply for awhile

 

or

 

Your ex will write back and suck you back into an emotionally draining exchange that will inevitably end with harsh words again because people that don't argue well always end tense conversations this way, and you will be in the exact same situation that you are in now.

 

I think in a lose-lose situation like this the best thing you can do is hand write a farewell letter (you could also type one on here. There is a section for it) and get all your feelings out and then leave it up to the universe. He doesn't have to read anything for you to feel better. You can still get your closure by admitting any faults, promising to do better in the future, and then closing the door on this chapter.

 

Sorry you are feeling so bad about it though :( Take two aspirin, drink lots of water and try to have a relaxing evening. You will feel better soon! :)

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candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
Posted

to his nasty text.

 

IMO, you have build a false image of his better self and it's that better bf you miss and you want to say good bye to. The thing is... he's not real, you made him up. Your real bf was nasty and broke up by text. So, you need to break up with your imaginary bf at the same level as you've build your image of him... at an imaginary level.

 

the best thing you can ever, I mean ever do, is not to respond. NC. Trust me, it will itch him. And the longer you stay NC, the better you'll do.

 

chin up and don't give in !!!

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aisuru Established Member

aisuru

Posted
Posted

 

Sorry you are feeling so bad about it though :( Take two aspirin, drink lots of water and try to have a relaxing evening. You will feel better soon! :)

 

And vodka. Lots of vodka. :o

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Sneaky Established Member

Sneaky

Posted
Posted

He sounds like a bad person, don't give in. I am in a comparable situation and want to apologize to my ex about how I handled the breakup. It’s driving me crazy to think that she hates me at the moment. But neither of us should give in.

 

I really don’t have much advice, I can only say what seems to help for me is just typing what I’d like to say in Word and then just deleting it. It helps to get it out of my mind.

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Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
I just want to wish him well, say good bye, to take care, ect. That's what I meant by 'Clean'

 

Doesn't change my response in the slightest.

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
And vodka. Lots of vodka. :o

 

I thought we settled this... Whiskey, not vodka! Makers to be exact!!! :p

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aisuru Established Member

aisuru

Posted
Posted
I thought we settled this... Whiskey, not vodka! Makers to be exact!!! :p

 

You are mistaken sir. :p

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BustedUpInside Established Member

BustedUpInside

Posted
Posted
You are mistaken sir. :p

 

Now let's not fight. I would be willing to imbibe several drinks from either category. Happy?

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aisuru Established Member

aisuru

Posted
Posted
Now let's not fight. I would be willing to imbibe several drinks from either category. Happy?

 

Newp. :love::laugh::p

flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted
My ex finished with me via text, he was cold and nasty. But I don't want to leave things like that, he was special to me and I just hate the idea of leaving things on a bad note, even though it was him that was nasty and disrespectful.

 

I keep thinking up things I want to say to him. I'm actually giving myself headaches from fighting the urge!

 

Is it worth breaking NC for?

 

you mean you're bargaining with yourself for a "valid" reason to break NC? sure, if you want to talk to him go ahead and do it.

 

is he going to care what you have to say? no, no he isn't going to care at all, because he dumped you. nothing that you have to say to him is ever going to "one up" you and make him feel bad about what he did because he already stopped caring about what you say when he broke up with you.

 

write down your nasty thoughts in a journal instead.

  • Like 5
robaday Established Member

robaday

Posted
Posted

Been there done that. Never over-compensate, youll build resentment internally and at some point, the anger will build up....plus you let him know that its ok to treat people badly.

 

Walk, no actually run and dont look back. Hell come knocking and you wont care,

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LostGirl11 Established Member

LostGirl11

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If you're anything like me, you're the kind of person that really needs things to end on an amicable note in any encounter. Thinking that somebody out there is actually actively disliking me is really upsetting and I always try to think of ways to make amends or put forth my case.

 

Unfortunately, in this scenario, you won't every to be able to get that closure that you are looking for. Your ex will either ignore your text and you will be in the exact same situation that you are in now, except now you will be waiting for a reply for awhile

 

or

 

Your ex will write back and suck you back into an emotionally draining exchange that will inevitably end with harsh words again because people that don't argue well always end tense conversations this way, and you will be in the exact same situation that you are in now.

 

I think in a lose-lose situation like this the best thing you can do is hand write a farewell letter (you could also type one on here. There is a section for it) and get all your feelings out and then leave it up to the universe. He doesn't have to read anything for you to feel better. You can still get your closure by admitting any faults, promising to do better in the future, and then closing the door on this chapter.

 

Sorry you are feeling so bad about it though :( Take two aspirin, drink lots of water and try to have a relaxing evening. You will feel better soon! :)

 

Yes, this is exactly it, I hate leaving things on a bad note, not just with ex's, with anyone! It just makes me really sad. Just the kind of person I am I guess. Far too soft! Far too soppy and I care about people that don't deserve it.

 

To be honest, I wouldn't want a reply. I'd be more worried about him replying than not replying. I would feel at ease just by saying what I need to say and leaving it there.

 

Well I didn't contact him, and I'm not going to. No matter how much I want to. You can't all be wrong...

  • Like 1
Exitleft Established Member

Exitleft

Posted
Posted

I say don't do it. I also hate ending things on a bad note and after giving my ex more than a second chance she just turned around and told me I meant nothing to her and now I reopened the wound and have to start from scratch.

 

All this because she left 5 texts, multiple emails and kept calling for a week during our NC and I felt so bad that I was hurting her. Here I am yet again, hurting worse than before. Guess I'm a slow learner.

 

Don't do it. It's hard, but sometimes we all just have to accept that every now and again someone doesn't feel quite the same about us.

 

Take it easy, it will get better.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted (edited)
I just hate leaving things like this :( I keep getting myself worked up over it!!

 

He left it like this. Not you. You are attempting to regain control and leave on your terms. The problem is that he is the dumper, so it really can't be on your terms. You are giving this guy way too much power. You won't really ever be able to find closure and make a clean break.

 

It sucks, but it's life. I'm sorry. I think one of the hardest things with breakups is not being able to see objectively. We are all giving you the same advice, but you have trouble seeing it because you are too close to the situation. Emotionally detach sooner rather than later, and save yourself from more pain.

Edited by BC1980
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