ThumbingMyWay Posted October 7, 2004 Posted October 7, 2004 I took this from another website. Its a males definition of the "Other Man". I thought it was an interesting take on who these men are.... [color=darkblue] I posted before about my belief that there is a collection of hardcore, serail, "other men" out there. Basically, they are guys who take pleasure in being the "other man," and who do it as often as they possibly can. I used to work with one of these guys, in fact. He was married with two kids. But he always seemed to have something going on the side. His basic mode of operation was to talk to a woman long enough to find out where she was vulnerable, and then to exploit those vulnerabilities. If the main problem was that her husband didn't pay attention to her...this guy became captain attention. If the problem was a lack of emotion or passion...he became Lord Byron. And..he had one other arrow in his quiver, the "my wife doesn't love me" sob story. There was a lot of credence to it: his wife probably DIDN'T love him much, because he was a scoundrel, a user, and a control freak. Time and time again, this approach worked. And I have to say, it baffled me: it's so blatantly transparent. But maybe that's because I'm a guy. My own WW experience with her OM went along similar lines: she began talking to him about the problems in our marriage and revealed an emotional need that he exploited. He also used the "why doesn't my wife love me" tactic to seal the deal. (I'm NOT saying that my wife isn't responsible - she is. But...I also believe there was a high level of manipulation that she either couldn't or didn't want to see.) Anyway, I'm interested in finding out if some of the rest of you have had similar experiences - and wether I am correct that there is a cadre of would-be, quasi-professional OMs ready to swoop down on our wives if we let down our guard. [/color] comments?
izzybelle Posted October 7, 2004 Posted October 7, 2004 yes, it think you're right. the further i try to remove myself from my situation with my exMM (and no i wasn't a wife, but i still feel played), and trust me i'm not very far removed at this stage, the signs of what you've said are all there. don't get me wrong, i really do believe he was and is a very warm and caring guy. but talk about the web that i felt pulled into. we talked a lot through email and on the phone and our connection seemed "too good to be true" --- should have been my first clue. how wonderful that i'd found someone who was perfect! i'd found my solemate! he told me at the beginning because i was just coming off a failed relationship that he had no expectations but wanted to see where we went. he sent me jewelry, he called, he treated me like a queen (i know that's a MM trick) he did everything he could to convince me that it was OK to fall in love with him, to give my heart to him so completely and so easily. every vulnerable aspect of my personality that i confessed to him, and i confessed them all, he was there for me assuring me that none of the insecruities were valid. and yes, i heard the sob stories. but funny how when his wife found out, things suddenly changed. in spite of the fact that "saving his marriage would be like moving the empire state building" and "all he saw were irreconcilable differences" and "all they were sharing was watching their marriage fail" he dumped me about as quickly as he could. and like i said, i wasn't married but i don't think the approach and tactics would have changed if i was. i know that part of any new relationship is learning about the person and trying to be that person they want you believe. that's part of the dating game. difference is that this game is only played out until someone gets caught or they get tired of it. and so many people get hurt in the process. do i still want to believe that what i just wrote wasn't really what happened to me? do i still want to believe him when he still says that he loves me? yes, but on the angry days....i'd love to tell him to take a flying leap off the empire state building that he compared his marriage to. are there women out there who do the same thing? yup... i know one of them. befriend married me, find out what's lacking in their marriage and ..... well similar stories, different gender.
overseas2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Check out the post by silverada if you want to see a real professional at work... Plus I think she could use all our support.
izzybelle Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 hadn't looked at her thread in a while. all i can say is WOW! you know how they have that (at least here in the states) a "do not call list" for telemarketers so they leave people who don't want to be bothered alone? maybe we should start a "do not date" list for people like him!!!
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted October 8, 2004 Author Posted October 8, 2004 Originally posted by overseas2004 Check out the post by silverada if you want to see a real professional at work... Plus I think she could use all our support. I have read her thread. Very sad situation indeed. Makes me sick to my stomach. These OM are a sick bucnh.....for the life of me I will never understand we someone would get involved with someone who is married.... My wife gets hit on all the time....gets compliments from men at work, at the grocery store, everywhere she goes. She loves the attention and thinks that they are just being nice and cordial, and for the most part they are....but I tell her that all men think about is SEX...bottom line truth. Even our MC has told her that this is a true statement of men in general. I think my wife is slowly starting to understand this.....that these men that hit on her, have an underlying thought of "what if?"...yeah they are being nice and funny with their small talk....but dont get fooled I tell her. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I think I have a point. Anyways, I know she NOR I will ever be able to stop these advances from OM.....but if she understands that men think the way they do, she will be able to be on her gaurd a little more. Just last night she told me, that she understand that I am her husband, that I am the one she is with, and I am the one she should accept compliments from as being true and honest compliments becuase I love her and she is my wife. And that the OM that hit on her should be taken and accepted as being simple flattery to her as a beautiful woman. Things are much better between her and I since "it" happen a few moths ago. And i can see in her eyes that she knows what she has in me as a man, a husband, a father and a lover. And I believe she wont ever jepordise that again....meaning she wont ever let the advances sway her thoughts of what the truth is.
only1life Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Isn't trust a strange thing? It's great when you have it, but you don't appreciate it then. But when it is broken, it hurts. And when it is needed and really wanted, it is the hardest to get it back.
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted October 8, 2004 Author Posted October 8, 2004 Originally posted by only1life Isn't trust a strange thing? It's great when you have it, but you don't appreciate it then. But when it is broken, it hurts. And when it is needed and really wanted, it is the hardest to get it back. LOVE, TRUST and HONESTY..... I thought I new what all these mean't.....if i only knew then, what I know now. 34 years old and just starting to understand their true meaning.....
whirleygurl Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 you describe a man who has no sense of who he really is. a charletan. he is ready to mold himself into some woman's fantasy at any time. there are women like these as well. i believe it is because they do not know who they really are and have no true identity. it hurts to have been an unsuspecting victim of an adulterer. to fall in love with someone to discover it is all illusion and that person you thought you loved and kept close to your heart always is not even real, but someone thought up in his own brain. an terrible lie. a sham. a ruse. it hurts to confront that person and watch his face change from loving and kind to angry and contemptuous because you finally realize what he is and want no further part of his insanity. to hear the ridicule in his voice. the complete lack of empathy. the hurtful things he says, each one a viscious cut to the heart. it seems they always end their "relationships" in this way. they cannot exit without leaving the woman completely destroyed. it leaves you bruised purple inside. unable to believe in love between man and woman as something good.
Devildog Posted October 15, 2004 Posted October 15, 2004 Yeah, I have seen some of these guys plying their trade as well. I think it is an ego boost for them. It makes them feel good that they could have someone else's wife or girlfriend at the snap of their fingers. They don't care about the devestation and ruin they leave behind.
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