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Love triangle woes

Cman219

By Cman219
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Cman219 New Member

Cman219

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Hi everyone, i was recently involved in a love triangle between 2 other friends of mine

and have been stuck in a dilemma for quite a while now so i am in need of some advice. Since its complicated

im going to try and break it down as unbiasly (is that a word?) and simply as possible:

 

BACKGROUND:

 

People involved:

Me (guy), friend 1 (girl), friend 2 (guy)

*Girl and i are same age in 20's, other guy is over a decade older

 

Story:

All 3 met each other at same time several years ago. Girl and i were part of

a clique in a bigger group. She was in her first serious relationship of 3 yrs at the time

but developed feelings for me and i had the same feelings for her. But we both called it off because

we didn't want to ruin what she had with her then BF. But remained good friends for a couple years

and did a lot together. The other guy was friends with us this whole time as well but only

hung out with us on occassion as he was not a part of our clique. Last year the girl's

BF cheated on her and she broke up with him. All 3 of us started

hanging out together regularly. We both consoled her on the breakup, but i noticed the other guy

began flirting around with her, she reciprocated. I confessed to the girl that i still had feelings for her

and that i wanted to discuss the possibility of a relationship but wanted to give her time to grieve. She was iffy and wanted more time to grieve

on her recent breakup before making a decision; i agreed to wait. We ended up on a vacation with some friends where all 3 of us attended as well. During the trip

she gave me the cold shoulder and stuck with the other guy throughout the entire trip and flirted around with him and got a little physical.

Never kissed/made out or had sex though. I got angry and they both found out so the girl finally admitted to me she felt there wasn't chemistry

anymore so she didn't want to date me and that she actually didn't have feelings for the other guy.

However because the guy was involved, part of me felt it was because he was there. The other guy never apologized. So i continued to pursue

for half a year, meanwhile the entire time they continued to flirt around in front of me knowing how i felt. The other guy

started saying messed up things to me like "If i was actually chasing her you wouldn't even stand a chance". I let the girl know this

and she admitted that its messed up what he did but continues to stick around him and give him all her attention. I requested to her that

as a close friend of mine, i felt it necessary for her to not continue this type of relationship with him. She continues hanging out with him anyway.

 

So my question is, how should i sort this? Is it fair for me to ask her to discontinue her close friendship with this man? My personal belief

is that it is fair because she was also personally involved in the drama. And as a good friend of mine, she should respect the fact that the other guy

completely disrespected me.

 

**Extra info: To keep this unbias... the girl states that she stays away from me sometimes because i make her feel uncomfortable as in i am overbearing.

#2: I was single entire time, other guy has a gf but unsure when he had. Most likely soon after the trip we took. He is very secretive so none of us know who his gf is, never met her or anything.

#3. Other guy knew i liked the girl the entire time, even before the trip. He states he did nothing wrong and doesn't feel the need to apologize.

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
Posted

You don't have a right to dictate to your friend who she can be friends with. This guy is within his rights to pursue this girl if he wants to if he no longer has a girlfriend. I would suggest you back off from the pursuit, since she has told you outright that she no longer feels chemistry towards you. You could just keep her as a friend, if you wish, but pursue other women who would have an interest. This seems like a dead end for you with this girl, and your jealousy and demands are not going to go over very well with her. Just back off. I don't see any good coming from continuing to pressure or pursue her.

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Cman219 New Member

Cman219

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Posted (edited)

This type of situation has always been a grey area for me. Does every love triangle have to end up with someone losing? Btw, the other guy isn't interested in dating her but loves to flirt around with her whether its alone or when im there. And i believe he does it as a way to boost his own ego almost as if "yup, im the winner". He is still with his gf as i've heard him mention her a few times recently. There were times i was with her and he would come sneak up and try to pull her away with some sort of tactic, very annoying. I would think that if someone is truly a friend they would see im interested in someone and not try to ruin it, especially since they don't even have an interest themselves. But the fact that the girl knows this but continues to support his actions kinda irks me. This girl has repeatedly told me that im her "bff" and that she would miss me the most if she ever moved away. But i don't really see that.

Edited by Cman219
KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
Posted

Sounds like your "friends" have pretty lose boundaries if he is flirting with her while being involved with a girlfriend, and she is receptive to that while knowing he has a girlfriend. Sounds like the girl is not worth pursuing anyway, if she has such loose boundaries with this guy. I'd suggest you give up the pursuit. Doesn't sound like a relationship would work out with her.

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Cman219 New Member

Cman219

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You're absolutely right, thanks for your input Kathy. I guess i was mistaken to think they were truly my friends. I thought they were my close friends because of what and how much we've been through together the past few years. It was truly something special...

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

This isn't a 'love triangle'.

 

She's messing about, he's flirting with a much younger girl because it flatters him, and she naturally is attracted by the older, more mature guy and you....?

 

Sorry, bud.

 

You think you're in the picture - but you're not.

 

The "misfit" isn't him.

 

It's you.

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Cman219 New Member

Cman219

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How would i go about resolving an issue like this if i wanted to remain friends with them? Or do you all think this is beyond recoverable and i should just cut my losses and move on with my life? Its been pretty tough since i've graduated from college several years ago and i can already feel my social circle getting smaller as the years go by. Whether my former friends moved away, or found new lives or are just busy with their careers and relationships. I've already joined several social groups to try and make new friends but i really don't want to forget these friends because of how much what we've been through together.

shexy Established Member

shexy

Posted
Posted

Honestly, if I was in your situation, I'd distance myself from the both of them. She's obviously into the other dude, and he's into her (at least enough to know it's making you jealous).

 

I would just leave them alone and hang out with other friends, but that's just me.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
How would i go about resolving an issue like this if i wanted to remain friends with them? Or do you all think this is beyond recoverable and i should just cut my losses and move on with my life? Its been pretty tough since i've graduated from college several years ago and i can already feel my social circle getting smaller as the years go by. Whether my former friends moved away, or found new lives or are just busy with their careers and relationships. I've already joined several social groups to try and make new friends but i really don't want to forget these friends because of how much what we've been through together.

 

You rise above it.

Find another GF, spread your wings, grow a social circle outside the one you have - there's no law that states you have to limit yourself to 'one circle only' at a time.... do different things, join other groups... overlap, diversify.

 

And ignore their shenanigans. In a couple of years it will all seem so trivial, anyway....

jolie_baby Established Member

jolie_baby

Posted
Posted
This isn't a 'love triangle'.

 

She's messing about, he's flirting with a much younger girl because it flatters him, and she naturally is attracted by the older, more mature guy and you....?

 

Sorry, bud.

 

You think you're in the picture - but you're not.

 

The "misfit" isn't him.

 

It's you.

 

Exactly. here is no love triangle.

 

And probably your interest in her and the competition-like atmosphere you helped create for him are what is largely fueling their 'game'.

 

I would stay out of it, keep my distance, and their thing will fade away before you realize it. Probably she will also come back to you saying she still wants to be friends. But even if this happens, it wouldn't mean she will want a relationship with you.

 

Find yourself a different circle of friends will be the best thing you do for yourself in this situation. Best

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