Denise_b Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Hi everyone, Just looking for some advice and/or support. I met my boyfriend online five months ago. We hit it off instantly. Over the last five months, I have noticed that he is very comfortable in our relationship, maybe sometimes a bit too comfortable. I see small issues all over the place, and a few big issues, but he is immature (feels picked on if you say there is a problem) and this makes it hard to talk about problems, so I am sitting here wondering if I should wash my hands of him or give him more time. He has been on compensation for three years since sustaining an injury at work, construction. He does not have a job, but continues to buy old vehicles and sell them for profit, under the table. Not sure what the legalities are or the insurance ramifications with the way he operates. But it has taken over his mind and it cuts into our time constantly and I cant help noticing that if he spent that much time and effort looking for a real job, he'd have one by now. He needs a job, even just for a normal routine other than sleeping in all morning and staying up late. I have a 9-5 job. When we first met, we were both enthousiastic about healthy eating and working out at the gym. He has a sweet tooth and has for months gone back to very bad eating habits. He doesn't eat all day and then has a huge supper and snacks in the evening....an entire slab cake from the bakery will only last 24hrs in his fridge, and I don't have any it's all his eating. He eats chocolate bars and cake and chips all the time....needless to say he is gaining a lot of weight. I think he is up to 20 pounds since met him. He can skip workouts and I sometimes wonder if his libido is also waning because of the size of his stomach getting bigger and bigger. He also has no self-control when it comes to money. Nuff said. He is 40 yrs old and owns NOTHING There are other little issues that get on my nerves (he can be bossy, a bit controlling naturally), but he seems to be trying to have a good relationship with me and he helps me with my yardwork, cuts my lawn for me, and I love certain things about him but not other things....I just can't help wondering....first of all if he is so lacking in self control, is he prone to be unfaithful to me (he is cute! and women like him). With these bad eating habits, will he be obese or diabetic down the road? Also, is a person on compensation prone to staying on compensation??? Will he ever get a job? What stands out the most in my mind is....if he is falling in love with me as he says he is....why doesn't he care if what he is doing ultimately causes me to leave him? These things are a turn off to most women...does he think I will just stay forever no matter how fat, unhealthy he gets and does he really think I will respect him for being indefinitely unemployed? The injury is well healed over and he is able to get back to work any day....really. I am not sure that he really cares what I think considering how comfortable he is getting. oh, what to do. ????
Delilah1623 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Lots of men are cute and faithful. Please read your post over again as though another person had written it. Then run.
jphcbpa Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 This is the phase in a relationship (5 to 10 months) where we start seeing or focusing on the "red flags". Just know that you cannot change him. Either you are going to be okay with what he does/does not do or you should move on. Unconditional love means loving someone without expecting anything in return. I suggest, focus on yourself, loving you and taking care of you. Let him be. Get off his back, get out of his way and get on with your life (3 alanon "gets")
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