mfleck91 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 So a mutual friend was talking to my ex about me and she had a message for me: "She says congrats and good luck with the air force and that it just too much and too tough for her to talk to you but wishes u the best" This is the first message I've received from her since the BU almost 4 months ago. I'm lost. If its so painful for her to talk to me then to me that means she has doubts about the decision she made. She wants to be left alone so she can move forward. I wanted to talk to try to get answers. So I'm forced to leave her alone; she gets what she wants and I don't, I still end up the loser in all if this. And before anyone says anything, I'm not making breadcrumbs, I know this should change nothing. Sometimes I think I post on here too much...
Follower Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Lots of schools of thought on what you should and shouldn't do with these types of things. In all honesty i left my ex the **** alone and never asked for the answers, it eats my up that i never bothered "for her sake" you know what, if you want to ask her something just go ahead and do it. No point playing games, no point trying to be overly nice... Noone ever needs "space" people need human interaction and when we decided not to go out and get it its when it eats away at us. Make up your own mind, but im strongly in the camp of say what you mean and do what you say. 1
Author mfleck91 Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Precedent shows that even if I ask her something, she won't reply. She is very good at maintaining no contact for whatever reason.
lop98 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Sometimes it only takes discipline, not being cold-hearted... I think she just wants to heal. Once healed, anything can happen (you both either end up with other people or get back together or just move on for good, anything really)... and that's really for the best, being hurt like you both are right now would only make things worse in my opinion. 1
Author mfleck91 Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Sometimes it only takes discipline, not being cold-hearted... I think she just wants to heal. Once healed, anything can happen (you both either end up with other people or get back together or just move on for good, anything really)... and that's really for the best, being hurt like you both are right now would only make things worse in my opinion. I guess I just don't understand why she is so hurt. She is the one who ended it, she's the one who fooled around with someone else and is still with him, and she is the one who completely cut me off. I'm just having trouble making sense of it.
ThorntonMelon Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 If she really wished you the best, she'd tell you. If she wanted to seem like an upstanding person but whose words in reality don't meet their actions - they'd wish you the best through a third party. Sooner you are indifferent to her, the happier you'll be.
youngnlove89 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Aw Fleck, I'm sorry to hear that. But if she left you for someone else, the best thing to do is to let her go. I don't understand her intentions of messaging you because doesn't she know that will just hurt you more and you'd want to message her, especially her saying, "it's too hard"? What is her thinking on that? Right now, she probably thinks you will respond. I would have. But don't, I would ignore. Let her think that it didn't bother you. I'm not familiar with your story yet, I'm going to go read your threads and then I'll be back.
Author mfleck91 Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Aw Fleck, I'm sorry to hear that. But if she left you for someone else, the best thing to do is to let her go. I don't understand her intentions of messaging you because doesn't she know that will just hurt you more and you'd want to message her, especially her saying, "it's too hard"? What is her thinking on that? Right now, she probably thinks you will respond. I would have. But don't, I would ignore. Let her think that it didn't bother you. I'm not familiar with your story yet, I'm going to go read your threads and then I'll be back. Thanks. And I know she doesn't want me to respond. She has made it very clear that she doesn't want to have any contact with me.
maturityassets Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Just ignore it. Honestly closure is a bit overrated. I got it myself and all it did was expose my ex who she was the whole time. People don't change in relationships they just act as they always have. Sometimes we build images of these people in our head as being a certain way but when it turns out to be a facade it hurts. Been a month since I got closure and all it confirmed for me is that We weren't compatible in the long run, she has a bit of self-esteem and maturity issues, she needs attention, and that it was still an enigma to me as to why she felt the need to convince herself out of a relationship. Telling you right now, destroying that image of her as being the one for me is still tough. I just found her college admissions letter around the house today, still hard to see that stuff.
BustedUpInside Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 So a mutual friend was talking to my ex about me and she had a message for me: "She says congrats and good luck with the air force and that it just too much and too tough for her to talk to you but wishes u the best" This is the first message I've received from her since the BU almost 4 months ago. I'm lost. If its so painful for her to talk to me then to me that means she has doubts about the decision she made. She wants to be left alone so she can move forward. I wanted to talk to try to get answers. So I'm forced to leave her alone; she gets what she wants and I don't, I still end up the loser in all if this. And before anyone says anything, I'm not making breadcrumbs, I know this should change nothing. Sometimes I think I post on here too much... That must have been brutal! I do think it was a little immature of your ex not to be able to just give you the message herself. I think using a friend as a go between is sort of lame. That being said, I can understand why she would be too scared and hurt to talk to you. As much mean stuff as your ex has done, she is probably hurting too. Even if she feels that she made the right decision, she is human, and so probably has moments of doubt and weakness. She probably still cares about you too. She doesn't want to hurt you anymore by forcing you to have contact with her and worries about leading you on if she reaches out. You're right though, no matter what her reasons are, the outcome is still the same. You guys are broken up and you still need time to heal. Don't worry about posting here too much. I don't think that's possible. This site is here to help, so post whenever you need something
Author mfleck91 Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 What the hell are you supposed to do about all the memories? I don't know about you all, but I'm not capable of pushing aside 4 years worth of memories. They are happy memories that have been soured. Normally I would be able to look back at them and smile but not since the BU and I'm reminded of them everywhere I look. Its as if the last 4 years were just cut from my life and I don't know how to handle it.
fancy feast Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 What the hell are you supposed to do about all the memories? I don't know about you all, but I'm not capable of pushing aside 4 years worth of memories. They are happy memories that have been soured. Normally I would be able to look back at them and smile but not since the BU and I'm reminded of them everywhere I look. Its as if the last 4 years were just cut from my life and I don't know how to handle it. You replace them with new ones. I know nothing about the military, but if you're joining the Air Force you're going to meet a ton of new people soon. Use it as a fresh start. 2
lovelifexx Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 My ex broke up with me and also can't have any contact with me cause it's too hard. I feel for you. It has been a hell for me. Nothing makes sense. Im just working on accepting that I will probably never hear from him again. You will be fine, no better. Xx 1
marqueemoon4 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 What the hell are you supposed to do about all the memories? I don't know about you all, but I'm not capable of pushing aside 4 years worth of memories. They are happy memories that have been soured. Normally I would be able to look back at them and smile but not since the BU and I'm reminded of them everywhere I look. Its as if the last 4 years were just cut from my life and I don't know how to handle it. Maybe you can flip it and look at it as you got to spend 4yrs together, and now it's time for something new. I feel your pain though, I was with my ex wife for 8yrs.. a child and a marriage and she couldn't care less about any of it. It's out of our control.
Chi townD Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Air Force has the best looking girls in it out of all the branches of service....just saying....
marqueemoon4 Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 That's what's up. If nothing else you picked the best branch of the military to join.
aisuru Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Air Force has the best looking girls in it out of all the branches of service....just saying.... INDEED. Best looking men too.
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