jukeboxromeo Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 A little about our story: We started out as co-workers, I was to be her replacement at a job because she was moving out of state. I met her and was attracted to her from the start: she was pretty, smart, and a hard-working and honest person. Things I had been looking for in someone to date. Looking back on my past relationships and attractions she wasn't *exactly* what I had been dating as far as physical attributes but her personality attracted me more so. (That is not to say she is not attractive, she just didn't look similar to other girls I have dated.) Anyway, she moved a few weeks later, and we decided to pursue an LDR for the time being. I wasn't in the best of places where I was living (bad roommates, felt like the job I was in wasn't right for me) but I had a wonderful person who I spoke to every night, texted daily, only... She was 800+ miles away. So I gathered my things and I moved across a few states to be with her, and she let me move in after only having known me a few months. We moved out of the apartment we were in and signed a new lease on a place together. Immediately after we moved, it seemed like something went wrong. We weren't active sexually like we had been in the previous apartment, and we fought and nit-picked constantly. I am a clean person, I pick up clothes and put dishes away and can't stand major messes being left strewn about. We don't have much in common as far as interests, those being music, TV shows, I like video games, her not so much. Lately, which is to say the past 3 or 4 months I've been feeling lost in my own life, I haven't finished school, tried to join the military, just searching for something to hold onto and run with but I can't seem to grab a ledge. She says she'll support me in anything I want to do, but I feel like this is straining our relationship. To escape some of it, I've made new friends since I've moved (about a year ago next month) and I hang out with them frequently. I invite my girlfriend to come with us - but she usually turns me down and stays home, so I go out alone. Some of them are females, which I think is another part of our problem because she has trust issues from previous relationships, but these people are friends to me. They listen and give advice, but I think I need advice from people who don't know either of us, for unbiased opinions. I guess the question I'm asking here is, What do I do? Do I stay with this person who once made me happy, enough to move across the country from my family and everything I knew? I made the choice to move because I thought even if we didn't work out, it was a good change for me to be somewhere new, somewhere different where nobody knew my name and I could make a fresh start. And it was! I don't want to break this woman's heart, but after all this time of being together (over a year) I feel like she should be helping me complete my life, but she just isn't. It feels cruel to think about, because I care for this woman a lot, and don't want to see her hurt, but I don't know where to turn anymore. So I'm leaving it to you, dear readers. If you've gotten through my wall of text and are still reading, please. Lend me some advice.
CTP Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I think you need to get your life/career together first. You seem lost, and how can you be happy with someone else if you aren't happy with yourself? Also, ask yourself does she still make you happy? If yes/no, why? There's no point staying with her because you're scared you'll hurt her if you leave. It's just wasting both your times. Seems like you need to focus on yourself first, then find someone to share your happiness with. Being stressed with your career and love life just makes everything more miserable.. Hope that helps! 1
Author jukeboxromeo Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 It kind of did help. I know I need to work on myself, and it's going to be a long road ahead. I do have a plan for my own future, which is to go back and finish school. The problem is, though - we live together currently and neither of us can afford to find another place to live until our lease ends. She does make me happy sometimes, but I feel like a couple that is in love and happy together should not fight as often as we do. It seems like every week, sometimes more often, I'm mad about something or she's pissed at me. Little things like that should not get in the way of a relationship, that's for sure. It is never easy, yet it definitely should not be this hard. It absolutely makes me feel one-hundred percent better even just to write out what I'm feeling, because keeping it trapped up inside feels like it's eating at my soul. I know we need to talk and I probably just need to go and sort my life out, but it's not the right play with my situation right now.
CTP Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Maybe it's just a rough patch between you guys? My partner and I have been together for 2 years, and around the one year mark we were constantly fighting and I had my doubts like you.. But then I realized that we just got ourselves into a very boring routine and stopped trying to make each other happy. So we talked things out and promised to make more effort. Whether it be a date night here and there or a sweet text message during the day. It really helps bring back the spark in the relationship and reminds us both how good we can be together. I hope everything works out for you
Author jukeboxromeo Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Maybe it's just a rough patch between you guys? My partner and I have been together for 2 years, and around the one year mark we were constantly fighting and I had my doubts like you.. But then I realized that we just got ourselves into a very boring routine and stopped trying to make each other happy. So we talked things out and promised to make more effort. Whether it be a date night here and there or a sweet text message during the day. It really helps bring back the spark in the relationship and reminds us both how good we can be together. I hope everything works out for you Thanks. I thought it might be just a rough patch too, but I took more time to think on it. We've done the same thing - had long conversations multiple times about what needs to change and nothing has (on either end). Although she is a great woman, I don't feel she's the woman for me. I had to call it off because it wasn't fair to her to be strung along wondering how I felt. I feel a lot better, even though I do feel bad about the fact that I had to be the one to break things off. She and I now live in separate wings of the house for now, while we figure out what we're going to do about the rest of our lease. I appreciate your advice - and I also spoke with some friends of mine who had been there for me when we were arguing a lot, and they told me (although they are a little biased) that they thought it was the right play for me to move on with my life and focus on myself.
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