Author iceisles Posted October 21, 2004 Author Posted October 21, 2004 An update: It's been 10 days now without any word from the ex. Either she doesn't care about me anymore (most likely) or is also doing NC (not as likely). Her birthday is in 3 weeks, and unless she pulls of some kind of miracle between now and then, she will not be receiving an e-mail and/or phone call from me on that day. I know it's rude to blow off someone's birthday, but it's not nearly as rude as blowing off 3+ years of friendship and over a year of dating. It's amazing how some people just throw away relationships because they are afraid to confront or work on the issues that ended them.
SoleMate Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 It's not rude to ignore her birthday. You're simply maintaining a dignified silence.
Author iceisles Posted October 21, 2004 Author Posted October 21, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate It's not rude to ignore her birthday. You're simply maintaining a dignified silence. I'm sure she won't be rushing to the phone to call me on my birthday in December. And actually, I feel great about that. Finding a new love interest is the best thing that could have happened to me.
Mary3 Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 I am sooo proud of you ! It feels good to actually see a future...for all of us who hoped and prayed and then we came here and realized we needed to get on with our lives....thats great that you are considering a new person in your future Keep reading here ! I know I do and it helps tremendously
Author iceisles Posted October 22, 2004 Author Posted October 22, 2004 I'm not sure if this new venture will work or not, but I feel great about exploring other options. Even if it falls through, I will continue to feel liberated from a relationship that was nothing more than an anchor to my self-esteem and emotions.
Author iceisles Posted November 1, 2004 Author Posted November 1, 2004 She hasn't called or e-mailed me in 3 weeks, and I couldn't be happier. Halloween is her favorite holiday, and I'm sure she's wondering why I didn't bother to even send her an e-card. She will be even more curious when her birthday rolls around in just over a week. NC has worked flawlessly for me, and I can't believe that I wasted so much time on her before executing it. I really hope she never contacts me again - I have moved on and seriously hope that she has also.
head/heels Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 you dont need her friendship! dont confuse want her as a friend with something more since you would never seek out a friend who would treat you like that...gf or not... low class mistake and one that she will justify in her head so that she doesnt feel like the horrible person she is or has shown lately....she wont take responsibility for what she did since it will be hard for her to face her problems and what she did....she has no remorse so i think that = not a very solid person i dont know about you but i prefer to have solid, time-tested friends that will be there when the going gets tough and the **** is hitting the fan...not sleeping with someone bc she doesnt think that the guy who worshipped her really thought she was pretty! sickening huh? keep trucking and dont settle for less than your worth!
innocntlisy1981 Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 hmm i think no contact is a great idea thatway if she loves u enut hand wants to get bak shw will try.u will be suprised at how quikly she decides to bother with you.also sorry to tell ya but when sum1 sais they need space its a nice way of breaking up with you but stil have u hang around so if they change there mind
Author iceisles Posted November 1, 2004 Author Posted November 1, 2004 I read her faster than Dr. Seuss. "Your phone will only ring while you are on a string. When I see my new love works, I shall fall off the face of the Earth!"
Author iceisles Posted November 3, 2004 Author Posted November 3, 2004 Well, low and behold she called tonight for another sobbing "Dear Abby" session. It's sooner than I wanted, but I guess I'll be her friend. I can accept that because no contact helped me become a lot stronger and helped me get over her. I don't want her back and hope that she doesn't think that I may one day want to get back together. Why does she keep calling me, though? She broke up with me, and "we" are over. I will be here for her because I have moved on and have a new love interest, and because she is legitimately suffering from major depression and I am a little concerned. I also don't believe harboring anger and resentment does any good over the long-term. I will forgive her despicable behavior prior to our demise, but I will never forget those details. I'll stay friends on a "she only contacts me" basis, but that's all she's getting. I guess I will send her an impersonal e-card on her birthday next week, but I am definitely not getting her a gift of any kind despite her sincerity this evening.
Author iceisles Posted November 3, 2004 Author Posted November 3, 2004 Double post deleted - sorry, folks.
Author iceisles Posted November 4, 2004 Author Posted November 4, 2004 Don't take this as me wanting to get back together with her, but she may be telling the truth about not seeing anyone. She wants to leave home for awhile (things are not good there), and surely the residence of a new love interest would be a possibility. And yet, she says she has nowhere to go. And plus I don't think she'd be calling me if she had someone else to talk to. If she's still keeping me on a string, it's a thin one because I've made it pretty obvious that I moved on with my life. It appears the scales have shifted some to her actually wanting a friend during her darkest hours, and I don't mind making myself available in a limited capacity.
Author iceisles Posted November 4, 2004 Author Posted November 4, 2004 Do you folks think there is any harm in being there for her as long as I've moved past the relationship? It isn't my nature to turn someone away in their darkest hours, especially when they clearly are counting on me for help. I'm only planning to listen to her problems when she calls (usually every 2-3 weeks) and give the best advice I can. Do you think that's reasonable enough? Despite what she did to me, I still feel the need to help her through what is a very troubling time in her life. I just don't want to help so much that she gets the wrong idea about me wanting her back.
Scott S Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles Do you folks think there is any harm in being there for her as long as I've moved past the relationship? It isn't my nature to turn someone away in their darkest hours, especially when they clearly are counting on me for help. That's something you would need to decide for yourself. Only you know how well you can manage your feelings. If you have indeed moved on, & can be satisfied with being a platonic friend of sorts, & you believe that you will not feel like you're being used, then I would see no harm in it. I still feel the need to help her through what is a very troubling time in her life. I just don't want to help so much that she gets the wrong idea about me wanting her back. I believe you are very generous, forgiving, & magnanimous. Hopefully not to your own detriment. Unfortunate that more people are not like that.
Author iceisles Posted November 4, 2004 Author Posted November 4, 2004 I'll remain there for her in a limited capacity. I'll also send her a simple e-card for her birthday next week because I don't see the need for being rude. IMO, e-cards are good because they showed you thought of the person without going out of your way.
Author iceisles Posted November 9, 2004 Author Posted November 9, 2004 Alright, I'm all set to go on the e-card tomorrow. How would you folks advise I handle Thanksgiving? I guess the options are no card, an e-card, or a real card. If it's the latter, I'll need to get in gear and put it in the mail soon. Right now I'm leaning towards no card at all, but that may change.
Scott S Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles ... How would you folks advise I handle Thanksgiving? I guess the options are no card, an e-card, or a real card. I would send a real card. With a friendly but not maudlin message (i.e. Thinking of you, hope things are going well for you, have a nice holiday, etc). Thanksgiving is 2 weeks away. How far away is the card going?
Neally Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 WHere can affair of the heart resort to/or regret in life? I at this moment believe there may be a couple. A friend of mine who is so much more> That in an instant remains like never before. I refuse to play games of my heart or to remind BS or it shifts in overdrive. [lbeit no control of consequences of close related situations] If others are bothered by this, believe me, moreso of thine. We all may have inclinations that resort to ther than my own. Possible. a sad state of affairs and am sick of disgust patterns of such. Let it known; understood as long as I am able and willing I refuse to substantiate any foregoing affairs on in my current or future. And this lies with others that too, are connected or in love with my partner. Otherwise, the truth shall set them free. Goodness or Luck has nothing to do with my parting farewell. To those whom this may address, I have the best to condone to you as well, if this is your choice. I do not hide any ficticious renmants of self, the truth may hurt yes. This is not the intent. Nothing will ever, or I remain as true as to oneself. To those who dregs on, move on. To bare oneself for the purpose, may just remain...
Think of Me Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 Sincerly yours, yes we all must have those opinons of others or esle why would there be forums? I trust venting is allowed and opionated statements are just that. Be well and let the truth be yours or what else would? Thank you all for your patience and understanding and have a Great Day!
Author iceisles Posted December 10, 2004 Author Posted December 10, 2004 I decided to finally break NC last night, sending her a casual & informal e-mail to "check-in". I asked her how she was doing and just mentioned that I'd love to hear from her. I basically decided it was okay to break NC because I really don't care if she writes back or not. It certainly served its purpose, but now with the holidays here, I wouldn't mind being her friend. It's apparently a lot easier to put things behind you when you don't want someone back.
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