larevuese Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and we have been doing long distance for 2 years. We live 7000miles away but visited each other about once every 6 months. My boyfriend has been really controlling throughout the first year of long distance, not letting me hang out with guy friends(that he knew too!), go to parties with people he knew, just hanging out in general made him upset. So eventually I just stopped hanging out. But the thing is recently for the past few months he started making friends and hanging out with them, and ofcourse I was fine with that. He eventually started going to parties. I didn't like that he never let me go, but I still let him go. Even to prom and the after party was for 3 days with people I dont even know. I just know he dislikes me going to parties with people he know. He lied to me about going running with a girl saying he just talked to her cause he saw her at the track but really they met up at his house and ran around. If i did the same, he'd be furious. Then finally a few days ago I asked him if I could go to a beach with guy friend since he is leaving soon and seriously there is nothing to worry about him, not to be mean but hes not really attractive but I've known him for 7 years and he doesnt have much friends other than me. Ofcourse my boyfriend says no. I wake up to him saying 'I'm going to (insert city name) with some friends.' and I find him tagged in vines(an app where you post 6 second videos) at a club and there were girls twerking and poledancing, even a girl with her bare butt out. So I confront him asking why it was okay for him to go to a club like that but not okay for me to hang out with a friend. He makes excuses like 'im here with 10 guys.' Seriously though? And to top that off I found a vine post with him holding/hugging a girls hips from behind and she is flat out grinding onto him... I confronted him saying 'I saw a vine post of you doing something I don't like. Did you do anything you think i wouldnt like?' He says no. I tell him. His excuse was that a few guys kept trying to dance with her but she didnt like that so he did that and that it was 'only for a minute' and that it meant nothing. I was really hurt by it, really... I've tried to end our relationship but he begs not to and that messed up and hes so sorry and that he cares about me so much and loves me so much and will never do it again. He has done alot for our relationship to be honest and I am so comfortable with him as he is with me. But I've always been the type to just not tolerate this sort of behavior(ive had a bad past relationship) and continuing our relationship didn't feel right for me because ill end up not trusting him, comparing myself to that girl, and I dont want to be tied down anymore from hanging out. He comes in a few days and I'm just so scared. Am I wrong for getting upset about this?
Carenth Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 This may sound harsh but your boyfriend is a total douchebag and you honestly should drop him like a bad habit. He doesn't love or respect you and he is not sorry for what he did. He is only sorry he got caught. He is a control freak trying to control who you see in your life. He does not have the right to tell you cannot hang out with your friends especially when he applies this ridiculous double standard where he goes out and grinds girls in clubs. You deserve so much better than a controlling, jealous and probably cheating boyfriend. I would be telling him it is over and not to come in a few days. You say you won't tolerate behavior like this but you are still with him. He will know he can get away with it as long as he apoligises profusely and begs for forgiveness and promises it will never happen again (until it does). You have every right to be upset and I would concerned if you weren't. 3
Taramere Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 As long as you're with this one you're going to encounter controlling and jealous behaviour with the added insult of him failing to practice what he preaches at you. When somebody mistrusts you despite you having done nothing to earn that mistrust, as often as not it's because they can't be trusted and they're projecting it onto you. As evidenced by your charming boyfriend. 2
todreaminblue Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 classic projection and misdirection, he doesnt trust you because he cant be trusted.....please find someone who treats you well, who you can trust, and who can trust you.......that is what you deserve to have this boyfriend you have is not for you, i think you know that...you are not over reacting..........hugs....deb 1
DannyMason Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I'm going to join the chorus here and suggest that you move on from this guy, OP. 1
Author larevuese Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 Thank you all so much for your honesty. I talk to my friends about it and they just keep telling me it's up to me so it's nice to here honest thoughts. I feel so dumb. He posted a picture on instagram and all these girls are like 'I'm going to miss you' and made me think of how much a never reslly knew him ans how non existant i must have been in his life over there. Aha I will be talking to him today in person and I will end our relationship. 4
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