Though I know what it is the probably the right thing to do but still seeking support

[Scale]

So my gf and I broke up in October and she felt it strong immediately and it took me a month as I was occupied with my MBA finals. However after a month, when I was done I got hit terribly hard. I believed all this while that we will get back and I had faith in the relationship. However, she said she takes very long to take a decision and once she takes a decision she never looks back. No matter whatever happens even if the world turns upside down or her parents tell her, she would not listen to anybody. I tried hard to get back till April. But I sensed that there was another guy. (We had decided to be friends always, no matter what and so we use to talk). She told me that there is this guy but she had told him officially. They dated for just 25 days apparently. She moved to another city in May for work as she was setting up her business. After break up, I let her live at my place from December as it was empty and I'm studying in the US (we were in ldr). I told my close friend to help her if she needs anything and that she does not know anybody here. She knew him as she had met him earlier and we all hung out together. I wanted help her out and wanted to do the best for her always and for her happiness.

 

From April I stopped asking her to get back as she was with another guy but we talked and she was very good frnz with my mom too. When my mom returned home she came and stayed with her for a week and she respects mom. All this while she use to hang out with my close friend and got to know other friends too in my area.

 

A week ago she told I think I have feelings for this friend and that Im sure he does too. So I she asked my opinion and I said it would mess up things too much for all and may be she is mistaken. She said I'm sure he does too and I want like an exclusive friendship but not relationship and one is open to date anybody if one likes someone. They both are in different cities but she will be back soon. I will also be back in september. She told me I cannot be in touch with you anymore and she cried alot the night she asked my opnion, said that she is confused. Once she told me I talked to him we decided to go ahead and I cannot be in touch and please let me have this as whatever I wished I'm getting from him. I never had a normal loving relationship and please let me have this, so I cannot be touch with you for some time as I feel somewhere responsible for you and my happiness getting ****ed. She knows that I love her like crazy and very very sure of her. But she is so confused. I'm shattered as my friend denied it but I cannot trust him either as I learned he manipulates since childhood. I'm shattered already with the break up and now this, I know I cannot do anything and got to leave it alone. I did all my best for her always and wish she could realize that and what I can do for her. What can I do ? I'm very hurt with this and I love her and getting emotionally beaten up.

[totallylost5040]

I am terribly sorry that this happened to you. This hasn't happened to me at all. Sometimes women can just tear open a mans heart. As a man its hard to go through that, because socially we are taught to be strong and emotionless.

 

But in my advice, this is a situation that you can't beat. No matter how you try. It's not going to be easy, I will admit that because I'm kinda going through the same thing. The ONLY thing you can do is just work at yourself and do what you do best. BE YOU. Don't make excuses, make sure you have a GREAT support team behind you that can back you up whenever. They'll understand what you are going through.

 

I know it feels like a betrayal (going through that now too) by two people, but there's nothing else you can do be try to keep yourself level headed. Make a big change in your life, look onto the horizon, I feel that works for me. I've planned vacations, got a promotion at work and I have some goals I want to get to physically, its been hard so far but its been working.

 

Make a list of goals and put them on the dashboard of your car or on your computer screen. Don't let anything stop you, build that PASSION for what you want to do, then your mind will be focused and nothing will stop you.

 

I hope that helps. Again, I'm sorry let me know if you need anything else.

[Scale]

Thank you. I know im trying to stay focused. I did not get a job here so doing odd jobs to make some.money before i return back in September. But im in NC with her and normal with my friend. Time will tell the truth.

My friends said she will come back but don't get hung up. She is totally confused and low on self esteem. I even told her that a month ago that guy now him. Do you think this sounds right. May be your messed up in your heart and feeling. I told tomorrow anybody will support you and you will fall for him. She says no he took care of me and he understands me. IIts just a after of time to understand someone. If you spend time with them and if they open up.

My friend also don't know saying the truth.She knows my entire life story Nd hardships I got.

We did not have any nasty break up. It was mutual and i always did it for her happiness and alalso let her live at my house n all. It hurts terribly. I want her her to self realize as she is very stubborn.

[Scale]

She a nice girl but very confused in the head. She did tell me she owe me the major impact and positive change i had in her life. But she is very stubborn and how to make her realise what she has lost.

[Scale]

please help folks say something. I don't know. I lover unconditionally. Stupid feelings.

[CC12]

please help folks say something. I don't know. I lover unconditionally. Stupid feelings.

 

I'm not sure what to say. I'm sorry you're feeling upset, but it seems that your friend has made her decision and she doesn't want to talk to you anymore because she thinks it's the best thing for her. You just have to respect her wishes and let her be.

 

Remember the fun times you had with her, but try to move on quickly. Life will go on without her. You'll be okay.

[Scale]

But with my friend. Do you think this is right. Who to blame?

[CC12]

But with my friend. Do you think this is right. Who to blame?

 

There's no reason to assign blame. These things happen and it's no one's fault, really, you just both had different ideas of what the friendship meant.

 

I will say, though, that I don't think she really did anything wrong to you. You decided to be her friend after she broke up with you, and it's just a reality that eventually she'd end up dating someone else.

 

And as far as her dating your friend? It's not ideal, but she's free to date whoever she wants, and so is your friend.

[Scale]

We were in ldr and we tried best. we had big plans together but she changed plans. i hate i nevergot enough time with her to show her my love. Could not go home in my program coz did not have enough money.

[totallylost5040]

Tough situation, really tough.... words can't describe it. I know how ya feel buddy.

 

Just take some time to evaluate the situation, maybe move? That could always help, it takes away the hope of you getting back together with her. Put yourself in a new environment so that you have to try and work harder.

[Scale]

ping ping....some more help thoughts n comments ?

[Scale]

We were dating for 2 years. n broke up in October.

[totallylost5040]

i would leave her be...... its like a death, accept it.

[TaraMaiden]

Scale.... starting another thread will not bring you different replies.

 

Duplicate threads are not permitted, and in any case, you will get the same responses.

Let it go, leave it be.

 

Enough, now.....

[TaraMaiden]

please help folks say something. I don't know. I lover unconditionally. Stupid feelings.

 

This is a lie.

you do NOT love her unconditionally!!

Quite the opposite!

You want certain things form her and find objection to her plans to date your friend! This is NOT unconditional.

 

Unconditional is "When you love someone, you will let them go."

 

You are hanging on to something that is long gone.

Over.

Finished.

 

Quit trying to prolong it.

 

It's OVER.

[Scale]

Its been more than 3 weeks now and I really want to contact her just normally. I feel a strong intuition that she still has feelings for me as she said I'm not doing this for you but I'm doing this for me. If she still has feelings and says like I feel responsible to you than why she behaving like that.

 

I'm in pain inside, trying to let go but cannot because I don't see sense. Must I just message her? I felt if I do so I will come across weak and disrespectful. I still love her to death. I may be stupid but I can't help it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Its been more than 3 weeks now and I really want to contact her just normally. I feel a strong intuition that she still has feelings for me as she said I'm not doing this for you but I'm doing this for me. If she still has feelings and says like I feel responsible to you than why she behaving like that.

 

I'm in pain inside, trying to let go but cannot because I don't see sense. Must I just message her? I felt if I do so I will come across weak and disrespectful. I still love her to death. I may be stupid but I can't help it.

 

No contact with her right now will be "normal". You are too wound up. Leave her be.

[Scale]

But I still miss her too much.

[Simon Phoenix]

But I still miss her too much.

 

More reason not to contact her. You are guaranteed to make a complete ass out of yourself in your current state. You need to work on you.

[Scale]

More reason not to contact her. You are guaranteed to make a complete ass out of yourself in your current state. You need to work on you.

Hmmm and how do i do that ? What am i trying to prove here ?

[Simon Phoenix]

Hmmm and how do i do that ? What am i trying to prove here ?

 

You aren't trying to prove anything. You need to make new friends, work out, pick up a new hobby, just move forward from this. There's really little you can do right now with the ex -- she's with someone else. You have to let her go and do her thing and move forward without her. If she re-emerges, then you can decide how to approach it.