Is this all in my head?

[Hockeyguy19]

Hey LS faithful, I hate this rollercoaster ride of emotions and like someone said earlier today, this day feels odd and I find myself thinking of her alot today. I had to see her dad today, he was fixing my truck (her brother backed into it and he fixed it) and I guess it brought up lots of emotions in me. The biggest thing I'm struggling with is the thought that I lost "the one" Yes I made bad mistakes in the rs and said things to her that were hurtful and mean but I apologized and we got past them (or I thought we did, she said they still bother her and she doesn't think she will ever forgive or forget them) but that was in the first year and for the next 2 years I tried to show her I cared. It wasn't enough tho. But getting back to my question, is the one real? Is this all in my head? I think she was the one but maybe it's only because she's gone? I dunno, I'm having a rough day/night, I miss her alot right now and I guess I'm just looking for support/suggestions/comments, anything you guys and gals have, feel free to share it

[Ale khun]

Let me tell you something when my ex dumped me I felt that I have lost "the one" I was feeling really bad and trust me my past RL wasn't that long but you know what they say .. It's not about the time that last but the intensity of it , so I had a really bad moment trying to figure out all the RL and thinking about all the mistakes and fights but you know , I saw him last night and what he showed me are his true colors and I don't like them , why ??? Well he is not the one ! It still hurts like hell and like I said before mornings sucks the most because sometimes I miss him and all I do it's think of him . Probably what u feel its just a mix of emotions because you saw her family , and somehow you feel that need of being with her . I think it's normal after all you spend years with her and its not going to be easy to let all that memories go . Just try to focus in something else it's not easy because I found it hard sometimes but ill promise you that soon you will find "the one" you just need to be ready and emotionally available .

[SimonSerenade]

Sounds like your having some issues getting over this. Sounds like your real issue is down to blaming yourself and living in regret, trust me a lot if not ALL people on ls live with this and it prevents them from moving, all the what ifs, thing to remember here is that you gave it your all and no matter what you didn't walk away, yeah you might of said some messed up stuff but who doesn't?, I'm sure everyone has at some point in an argument with there other half, I know I did but I apologised just like you and to most sound of mind people that's enough, I'm sure she said some messed up bs to you and you forgave it and forgot all about it.

 

Maybe it's just a woman thing but they remember every little thing and they will bring it up at any given time they possibly can, I vaguely remember my ex saying some really nasty stuff and I mean REALLY nasty stuff and I can't even remember what the nasty stuff was now lol maybe it's just nature but don't beat yourself about it, you did all you could and had good intensions and in the end that's what should be remembered and that's the reflection that should be shining on you right now.

 

Like for example right now your considering her to have been the one and that sure as hell puts her in a better light than she's shining on you, she sounds a little self absorbed, my ex is probably right in there right now for the bitch of the year award and despite that I won't remember her for being a nominee I'll remember her for all the good she was and for all the love and happiness she brought to my life but underneath she was still all that bad stuff, all that bad stuff I don't think about but it's there.

 

Maybe this girl was the miss right now and not the miss one forever, I think hard times are a test and unfortunately she failed that test and missed out on a good thing but one day you'll meet the one that won't turn and walk away, the one who'll see times through with you, good and bad, the fact she's gone should give you your answer.

[Hockeyguy19]

Let me tell you something when my ex dumped me I felt that I have lost "the one" I was feeling really bad and trust me my past RL wasn't that long but you know what they say .. It's not about the time that last but the intensity of it , so I had a really bad moment trying to figure out all the RL and thinking about all the mistakes and fights but you know , I saw him last night and what he showed me are his true colors and I don't like them , why ??? Well he is not the one ! It still hurts like hell and like I said before mornings sucks the most because sometimes I miss him and all I do it's think of him . Probably what u feel its just a mix of emotions because you saw her family , and somehow you feel that need of being with her . I think it's normal after all you spend years with her and its not going to be easy to let all that memories go . Just try to focus in something else it's not easy because I found it hard sometimes but ill promise you that soon you will find "the one" you just need to be ready and emotionally available .

 

I think your right, I love her family, they made me feel so welcome and they were awesome to me. It was tough seeing her dad. She has shown her colours too over the past 2 months, very cold and heartless with comments and things she's done, and it's hard to process. She was important to me and I still feel she is (stupid pedestal) but I'm nothing to her. I hate the memories (well not really, just how they make me feel) and I wish sometimes they would just go away. I don't know when I'll be ready, or where ill find her. I think I just need to stop looking for someone or something, and enjoy me. Ugh this Monday sucks lol

[BustedUpInside]

I am so sorry that you are struggling. It is terrible when these thoughts come up because all they do is make you question your future.

 

I think you might want to try thinking about this from a different angle. What if there was no "one". What if there were just a series of people that you are compatible with, some more than others. This relationship didn't work out, but the next one might so you should move on and try with somebody that you are better suited with.

 

That might not work for you though, so let's go with what you think. Let's say that there is the "one". Obviously, this girl is not it. If she was, you guys would be together because that is what the "one" means. You would be inexplicably drawn together despite any and all diversity. So, by being hung up on this "not the one" you are actually hindering your progress in finding the person that you are meant to be with.

 

Either way you look at it, I think you know that the best advice is to keep moving forward. You are wasting time on someone when you could be investing that energy into making yourself the best version of yourself and therefore deserving and ready for the person that you are really supposed to be with.

 

You can do this! Be kind to yourself and stay strong!

[Ale khun]

I think your right, I love her family, they made me feel so welcome and they were awesome to me. It was tough seeing her dad. She has shown her colours too over the past 2 months, very cold and heartless with comments and things she's done, and it's hard to process. She was important to me and I still feel she is (stupid pedestal) but I'm nothing to her. I hate the memories (well not really, just how they make me feel) and I wish sometimes they would just go away. I don't know when I'll be ready, or where ill find her. I think I just need to stop looking for someone or something, and enjoy me. Ugh this Monday sucks lol

 

I know lately for me Monday Tuesday Wednesday....etc sucks but I keep pushing myself to find a way to survive and move on to the next day . But you know when he left me I was trying desperately to "replace him " and I went out with in a few dates , I was fooling myself , when I was home after the date I used to miss him more and cry and cry thinking of him . Now I rather be home or with friends but I don't seek for company anymore I will know when I'm ready

[Hockeyguy19]

Sounds like your having some issues getting over this. Sounds like your real issue is down to blaming yourself and living in regret, trust me a lot if not ALL people on ls live with this and it prevents them from moving, all the what ifs, thing to remember here is that you gave it your all and no matter what you didn't walk away, yeah you might of said some messed up stuff but who doesn't?, I'm sure everyone has at some point in an argument with there other half, I know I did but I apologised just like you and to most sound of mind people that's enough, I'm sure she said some messed up bs to you and you forgave it and forgot all about it.

 

Maybe it's just a woman thing but they remember every little thing and they will bring it up at any given time they possibly can, I vaguely remember my ex saying some really nasty stuff and I mean REALLY nasty stuff and I can't even remember what the nasty stuff was now lol maybe it's just nature but don't beat yourself about it, you did all you could and had good intensions and in the end that's what should be remembered and that's the reflection that should be shining on you right now.

 

Like for example right now your considering her to have been the one and that sure as hell puts her in a better light than she's shining on you, she sounds a little self absorbed, my ex is probably right in there right now for the bitch of the year award and despite that I won't remember her for being a nominee I'll remember her for all the good she was and for all the love and happiness she brought to my life but underneath she was still all that bad stuff, all that bad stuff I don't think about but it's there.

 

Maybe this girl was the miss right now and not the miss one forever, I think hard times are a test and unfortunately she failed that test and missed out on a good thing but one day you'll meet the one that won't turn and walk away, the one who'll see times through with you, good and bad, the fact she's gone should give you your answer.

 

Yeah I'm having a hard time with this and I do blame myself for alot of things, but I know she's not innocent in this either. It's definitely preventing me from moving on, I need to let it go. She said soooo many nasty things to me, but I forgave them, I let them go and chalked it up to anger. I wish she could have but she didnt. I treated her very well, but not enough for her to stay. I feel in the dark while she's in the light with her new RS. It's a tough pill to swallow and it hurts alot. That's my answer, I know, she's moved on, she left. She couldn't stay with me through stressful times and support me. I was stressed and upset but I was happy with her. She wasn't happy, couldn't stay or talk about things to help us get back to where we wanted. Man she sucks. Maybe she was miss right now, I dunno. I think my thinking is too cloudy to see it right now.

[Hockeyguy19]

I am so sorry that you are struggling. It is terrible when these thoughts come up because all they do is make you question your future.

 

I think you might want to try thinking about this from a different angle. What if there was no "one". What if there were just a series of people that you are compatible with, some more than others. This relationship didn't work out, but the next one might so you should move on and try with somebody that you are better suited with.

 

That might not work for you though, so let's go with what you think. Let's say that there is the "one". Obviously, this girl is not it. If she was, you guys would be together because that is what the "one" means. You would be inexplicably drawn together despite any and all diversity. So, by being hung up on this "not the one" you are actually hindering your progress in finding the person that you are meant to be with.

 

Either way you look at it, I think you know that the best advice is to keep moving forward. You are wasting time on someone when you could be investing that energy into making yourself the best version of yourself and therefore deserving and ready for the person that you are really supposed to be with.

 

You can do this! Be kind to yourself and stay strong!

 

I'm trying to stay strong! I have good days and bad days, and man those bad days are terrible. I agree, there might not be the one, just a bunch of rs to figure out what you want and what you don't. She ticked alot of the want boxes, but also ticked some do not ones. I think I need to remember those boxes, she wasn't perfect. She was just a woman. There are lots of them. She wasn't the one if I look at it like that, she couldn't stay through the diversity, she turned tail and ran, to someone else. I need to keep moving forward one step at a time, baby steps and put this emotional energy into me, not thoughts of her. It's so hard to find the motivation these days, I need to get my head straight. She brain ninja'd me good, my head and my heart are so beat and exhausted. But I'll get through this.

[Hockeyguy19]

I know lately for me Monday Tuesday Wednesday....etc sucks but I keep pushing myself to find a way to survive and move on to the next day . But you know when he left me I was trying desperately to "replace him " and I went out with in a few dates , I was fooling myself , when I was home after the date I used to miss him more and cry and cry thinking of him . Now I rather be home or with friends but I don't seek for company anymore I will know when I'm ready

 

Man, we are in the exact same place. I try to date, but it goes horribly. I get so anxious before I get there and then spend the date comparing them to what I had, it's so wrong. I'm trying way to hard to fill that void because I'm lonely and it's bad. I get home and I just think of her, thinking how easy our first dates went and how smoothly it flowed, how much it felt right and the attraction was there. I haven't felt that once, I think it's too soon and I'm going about the wrong way, online trying to find that replacement. I need to let it come to me, the ex and I met randomly and out of nowhere. I just hate being home alone, it sucks so bad! I do get out with friends, play baseball twice a week, but most of my friends have gf's, wives etc and I feel left behind. I know I shouldn't compare, and that my time will come, but I have no patience right now. I just need to relax..

[SimonSerenade]

Yeah I'm having a hard time with this and I do blame myself for alot of things, but I know she's not innocent in this either. It's definitely preventing me from moving on, I need to let it go. She said soooo many nasty things to me, but I forgave them, I let them go and chalked it up to anger. I wish she could have but she didnt. I treated her very well, but not enough for her to stay. I feel in the dark while she's in the light with her new RS. It's a tough pill to swallow and it hurts alot. That's my answer, I know, she's moved on, she left. She couldn't stay with me through stressful times and support me. I was stressed and upset but I was happy with her. She wasn't happy, couldn't stay or talk about things to help us get back to where we wanted. Man she sucks. Maybe she was miss right now, I dunno. I think my thinking is too cloudy to see it right now.

 

I doubt this new rs will work out for her, she has issues, I just don't think there quite as tied to you as you might think they are, every ex I've been with has always failed the next relationship there in, mostly because guys just didn't put up with there bs, I'm still convinced my ex found someone else and that's why she left because her feelings sort of turned off over night but either way, she couldn't stand by hard times, stress and sadness is a part of life, she should of seen it through with you, someone will do that for you one day, you might not see it now or even for a long time but it will happen, I never thought I'd meet my ex after the break up I had before her, just goes to show.

[Hockeyguy19]

I doubt this new rs will work out for her, she has issues, I just don't think there quite as tied to you as you might think they are, every ex I've been with has always failed the next relationship there in, mostly because guys just didn't put up with there bs, I'm still convinced my ex found someone else and that's why she left because her feelings sort of turned off over night but either way, she couldn't stand by hard times, stress and sadness is a part of life, she should of seen it through with you, someone will do that for you one day, you might not see it now or even for a long time but it will happen, I never thought I'd meet my ex after the break up I had before her, just goes to show.

 

Yeah I dunno if it'll last with him and her, they are moving super fast. She has a tendency of clinging on to someone who shows interest and will make it work because she can't be alone. Who knows if this guy will put with her ****, it's not my problem though. She made that clear. My ex did leave me for someone else, she flipped that switch over night and we were done, 3 years down the tube. I hope one day I meet someone great, who can be there for all the happiness and the hard times. I'm so skeptical right now, she ripped my heart out and threw it in the trash. I think I just need to be with me and repair me. I'm glad to see you were able to move on and let someone else in, my walls are definitely up and higher than ever right now

[intherealworld]

Yeah I dunno if it'll last with him and her, they are moving super fast. She has a tendency of clinging on to someone who shows interest and will make it work because she can't be alone. Who knows if this guy will put with her ****, it's not my problem though. She made that clear. My ex did leave me for someone else, she flipped that switch over night and we were done, 3 years down the tube. I hope one day I meet someone great, who can be there for all the happiness and the hard times. I'm so skeptical right now, she ripped my heart out and threw it in the trash. I think I just need to be with me and repair me. I'm glad to see you were able to move on and let someone else in, my walls are definitely up and higher than ever right now

 

Man, where are the guys like you that appreciate a girl who sticks by them in hard times?!?! I need to know where to find guys like you...I just wasted 6 months of my life on someone who I thought was turning out to be 'the one" so when he got diagnosed w a semi serious illness just a few months into the relationship I stuck by him even when he couldnt move from his bed for weeks on end. I had every reason to leave but I didnt because I have a big heart & care too much. When we met he was looking for a serious commitment, yet his reason for leaving was because it was getting too serious & he's not at a place in his life for that right now. & defriended me the day after the BU. Sigh.

We've aired it all out now but it still hurts...i always wonder at what point did they stop caring while I was still blindly holding on. I know it was only 6 months but I'm going through the whole "I'll never find someone as good" phase rt now. I'm just trying to hope that there are guys out there like yourself that wouldn't let a girl that would have their back like that go.

Edited June 4, 2013 by intherealworld

[SimonSerenade]

Yeah I dunno if it'll last with him and her, they are moving super fast. She has a tendency of clinging on to someone who shows interest and will make it work because she can't be alone. Who knows if this guy will put with her ****, it's not my problem though. She made that clear. My ex did leave me for someone else, she flipped that switch over night and we were done, 3 years down the tube. I hope one day I meet someone great, who can be there for all the happiness and the hard times. I'm so skeptical right now, she ripped my heart out and threw it in the trash. I think I just need to be with me and repair me. I'm glad to see you were able to move on and let someone else in, my walls are definitely up and higher than ever right now

 

Trust me, it won't last, not under the circumstances she got into it, at first my ex couldn't be without me, she used to fear losing me, I don't know what happened to that, she just did a complete u turn but honestly, you can't make sense out of an irrational nutt job, I feel my ex isn't being honest with me right now, we got back together which lasted a whole of 10 or so days, I can honestly say I did no wrong and she was back to grasping at straws to end things again, she went to Liverpool an awful lot when she was off work and didn't really talk to me aside from 1 or 2 phone calls, just the odd tiny text near midnight, pretty sure she found someone else, I hope Liverpool get relegated next season lol.

 

Maybe your ex was grasping at the same straws to somehow justify what she did, there's no way you saying nasty things to her trumps her leaving you for another guy, none of this is your fault, just remember that and one say someone will cherish you for the great person you are, looking back now, my ex before this one wasn't worthy of what I brought to the table and despite having a kid with her I got over it eventually and met someone else and despite this relationship not working out either, it's nice to know I can feel those strong feelings of love again for someone else, my latest relationship was a year and a half, she wasn't there when I needed her, I've been really sick for the last few months, really bad stomach problems, she bailed, the one before her left for someone else just because i apparently said hurtful things, these kind of women just ain't worth the time of the day.

 

I hope you feel better soon and your right, you should work on you, I had to do a lot of soul searching and really spend some quite time with myself to be in a place where I could be in a relationship again, first and for most you need to accept this situation as hard as it is and be happy that your not in the same messed up mind set she is in and when your ready you will meet someone else and hopefully she'll be everything you never even knew you wanted.

[Hockeyguy19]

Man, where are the guys like you that appreciate a girl who sticks by them in hard times?!?! I need to know where to find guys like you...I just wasted 6 months of my life on someone who I thought was turning out to be 'the one" so when he got diagnosed w a semi serious illness just a few months into the relationship I stuck by him even when he couldnt move from his bed for weeks on end. I had every reason to leave but I didnt because I have a big heart & care too much. When we met he was looking for a serious commitment, yet his reason for leaving was because it was getting too serious & he's not at a place in his life for that right now. & defriended me the day after the BU. Sigh.

We've aired it all out now but it still hurts...i always wonder at what point did they stop caring while I was still blindly holding on. I know it was only 6 months but I'm going through the whole "I'll never find someone as good" phase rt now. I'm just trying to hope that there are guys out there like yourself that wouldn't let a girl that would have their back like that go.

 

Well I'm in Canada and thank you for the kind words. I believe in relationships and the work that's needed to be put in. I'm sorry your ex was an ass, and didnt appreciate all the work you put in and the time you spent with him when he needed you. People can be so heartless at times. They usually stop caring months before they dump us which is why it's so easy for them to move on and walk away. I'm in the same phase right now, missing them and thinking no one will ever be as good as them. It sucks. I'm hoping to find a girl like you who will stick through the good times and the bad ones alike. I hope some day I find that person.

[ddlovexx]

I just want to say one thing... there is no "the one."

 

Read this... helped me a lot: There is no One. |