starburst76 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I broke off my engagement with my boyfriend of 6 years after I caught him cheating with a cowroker. It wasn't the first time but it was the last!!! Fast forward two years later. He asked for a second chance to show me he was ready for committment and that he wanted to be with me. I took things very slowly. We started learning to be friends again and after another year of dating, We re-committed to each other. We also have two children together. So here we are two years later, discussing marriage and planning to move in together as a family. Yet he still refuses to add me on FB and is FB freinds with the woman he lived with while we were apart. I told him I felt this was disrespectful and hurt my feelings. He refuses to add me or delete her or discuss how his actions impact our relationship. If I even try to bring up how his behavior impacts our relationship he will go days without speaking to me. Also he is 38. IMO too old for giving the silent treatment. I feel like he's disrespectful, dismissive and emotionally immature. He says he won't add me because he wont allow me to make him do something he doesn't want to do. He says It's just FB and not that serious. I said OK then if it's not that serious what's the porblem with adding me? I beleive he conducts himself on FB like a sinlge man. He says I am just on a power trip??? WTF I am seriously already at the point of just calling it quits. I guess I just wanted another perspective to see if I'm missing something, being childish or losing my mind before I drop the axe.
2sure Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 If you thinking of committing to each other as a family with the children you have together....but you aren't close enough to be Facebook friends let alone have each others passwords.... Wha? No. Bail. 6
Eggplant Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 He says he won't add me because he wont allow me to make him do something he doesn't want to do.No, he doesn't have to add you. Adding you would be a demonstration of commitment and trust and having nothing to hide. He is choosing not to. He's made his move. Your turn now. You don't have to be with him anymore. 4
underwater2010 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Drop the axe....like yesterday. He has not change in any way, shape or form. 5
Spark1111 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Power trip yourself right out of there darling. Start talking to olf boyfriends and make sure you block him from your FB before you do. 1
96nole Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Seems to me that if someone doesn't have anything to hide, they won't mind being facebook friends, with their significant other. My ex-wife knew all of my passwords. I didn't care since I didn't have anything to hide. If adding you to his facebook is that big of deal to him, I would strongly expect there is another reason other than because he doesn't want to do it because you want him to. 4
Mr. Lucky Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I broke off my engagement with my boyfriend of 6 years after I caught him cheating with a cowroker. It wasn't the first time but it was the last!!! Fast forward two years later. He asked for a second chance to show me he was ready for committment and that he wanted to be with me. I took things very slowly. We started learning to be friends again and after another year of dating, We re-committed to each other. We also have two children together. What kind of father was he in the 2 years you were apart? Did he pay support? Have shared custody? Mr. Lucky
jnel921 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 He is still communicating with the OW whether you realize it or not.Shutting the door to you on FB or anything else is a red flag. If you marry him things will get worse. Let go and let god. 1
Emilia Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I think OP it's a shame you sell yourself so cheaply. 1
BetrayedH Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 His actions show that he still doesn't "get it." He betrayed you multiple times and isn't sufficiently remorseful enough to even be transparent? Sorry you wasted your time. Get out before it gets more confusing for the kids. 1
pteromom Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 He's an A-hole. As someone else mentioned... he doesn't want to add you because he doesn't want to be forced to do something he doesn't want to do... but WHY doesn't he want to? What's his reason for not wanting you as his FB friend? You need that answer. Tell him that by not answering that question, it causes you to fill in the blanks with worst-possible-responses. Because he has another girlfriend. Because he likes to flirt with a lot of women on there. Because he wants to hide you from certain FB friends. Because he's embarrassed by you. Because he wants to be publicly known as single. As Dr. Phil says, people with nothing to hide hide nothing. He's hiding his online life from you, and you are NOT crazy to wonder why. He needs to give you an answer. He needs to man up and add you as a friend and girlfriend. And if he doesn't, you have no choice but to assume he is hiding something and act accordingly. 1
SweetandHappy Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 You need to move on. If he has so little respect for you now, imagine what it will be like in 20 years. 1
Ninja'sHusband Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Don't have kids with this guy. He's already cheated multiple times? That alone is huge. I was married for 14 years and had a 9 yr old girl before my wife cheated and got pregnant. I didn't have any signs like that from the dating years. You do....and guess how I found the truth about how long her extramarital relationship was. I found the truth because I had seen their private FB conversation. I knew hew FB password. You can't even get him to add you . It may be a tough scary step right now, but just imagine when you've been married for 15 years and have 2.5 kids... RUN 1
latergater Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I broke off my engagement with my boyfriend of 6 years after I caught him cheating with a cowroker. It wasn't the first time but it was the last!!! Fast forward two years later. He asked for a second chance to show me he was ready for committment and that he wanted to be with me. I took things very slowly. We started learning to be friends again and after another year of dating, We re-committed to each other. We also have two children together. So here we are two years later, discussing marriage and planning to move in together as a family. Yet he still refuses to add me on FB and is FB freinds with the woman he lived with while we were apart. I told him I felt this was disrespectful and hurt my feelings. He refuses to add me or delete her or discuss how his actions impact our relationship. If I even try to bring up how his behavior impacts our relationship he will go days without speaking to me. Also he is 38. IMO too old for giving the silent treatment. I feel like he's disrespectful, dismissive and emotionally immature. He says he won't add me because he wont allow me to make him do something he doesn't want to do. He says It's just FB and not that serious. I said OK then if it's not that serious what's the porblem with adding me? I beleive he conducts himself on FB like a sinlge man. He says I am just on a power trip??? WTF I am seriously already at the point of just calling it quits. I guess I just wanted another perspective to see if I'm missing something, being childish or losing my mind before I drop the axe. Bull****. My ex wouldn't add me on Facebook because he was using it as an outlet to chat it up with other women and stalk Facebook for chicks. As doctor Phil says ... People who have nothing to hide hide nothing. If he was to add you he will probably change the settings so you can only see some of the content on his page. I'd be suspicious.
waterwoman Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 My considered opinion? He's a twat, an a-hole, an emotionally illiterate fool and not worth your time and energy. Your instincts are spot on. 1
Quiet Storm Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Do not move in with him. It will be so hard on your kids if you are finally together as a family and then you split up again. He's too immature, sneaky, single minded. He does not sound like he is ready to be a family man. He will disappoint you. He needs to show you withactions, not words, that he is ready for this. He is showing you he really is. Believe him. Don't let hope, possibility and wishful thinking lead you down the wrong path. Be realistic. A two parent, stable, happy home is optimal for kids. I understand you want your happy family, but he has to want it as much and take it as seriously as you do. He can't play house and still behave like a single guy. It will cause conflict & strife in the home.
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