AussieLady Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I think just keeping a distance might be best. She should know just how much I care at this point without me always expressing it and checking in. What do you all think? I guess that could be a general question about loved ones with health concerns, or who have kids with health concerns. How often should you check in without overwhelming them? I agree you should keep a distance, and I think deep down you know that too. She knows you care, but her emotions are not her priority at the moment her daughter is. I think the situation will either cement her marriage or she will see that it is not working and may contact you.
zevahc Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 What do you all think? I guess that could be a general question about loved ones with health concerns, or who have kids with health concerns. How often should you check in without overwhelming them? I think you know the answer also. She knows without a doubt you care. I am sure she got your text over the weekend but her mind is on her daughter. Just be there as a friend if she needs you. Until then just keep some distance and give her space. I went through a similar circumstance with my AP. She lost her mother. When she went through it there were moments when she just needed space. Others where she needed me. She was out of town the whole time. I just was available when she called. Oddly. Her H wasn't. Even when her mother passed he didn't change his plans. He left her alone instead of being with her when she needed him.
Author Clemenza Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Thanks, you two. I feel like such a selfish D-bag for even making it a little about me, but the honest truth is my whole motivation is that I've been worried about her daughter. Before that happened, I was actually looking forward to being out of town and having genuine NC for over a week. I think, in general, I have a hard time with understanding boundaries during tough situations. Even if it was my niece or a close friend, I would still be self-conscious about whether or not I'm being annoying when I try to show support. I'm not close to very many people, but when I do get close I feel VERY close. I feel like I always need to show my family, friends, significant others that I'm always there for support. I like to try to make people feel loved during tough times. Sometimes that makes me wonder if I'm smothering them.
zevahc Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Thanks, you two. I feel like such a selfish D-bag for even making it a little about me, but the honest truth is my whole motivation is that I've been worried about her daughter. Before that happened, I was actually looking forward to being out of town and having genuine NC for over a week. I think, in general, I have a hard time with understanding boundaries during tough situations. Even if it was my niece or a close friend, I would still be self-conscious about whether or not I'm being annoying when I try to show support. I'm not close to very many people, but when I do get close I feel VERY close. I feel like I always need to show my family, friends, significant others that I'm always there for support. I like to try to make people feel loved during tough times. Sometimes that makes me wonder if I'm smothering them. You are more like me than you know. I'm a very sensitive guy. That's probably why all my good friends are female. I care...often too much for people that I'm close to. Hence my current situation. I would almost rather hurt myself before I let her hurt. You sound like a good man. Keep your head up.
kamani Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 My regards for your good self control and loving heart. Change or vacate the job and make a move to get yourself out of this pain. This situation is very unhealthy for you, in every aspect. The risk of going back is always there.
Author Clemenza Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 I really wish I could just find another job and be happy with that decision. This is the best job I've ever had. I like what I do and my company values me. Plus, it would probably take a while to find a new job even if I wanted to. I'm able to work from home a little bit, and I'm really trying hard to schedule things outside of the office, so I don't have to be there all the time. I could actually do my job from home full time, but they like me to be at the office for some reason. I would have to get approval before moving my office home for good. This morning, she text messaged me to tell me her daughter is doing better, and that there will be more doc appointments to explore the root of the issue. I was so happy to see that her daughter is feeling better. Huge relief. I hadn't contacted her in 5 days, but it's still been on my mind.
zevahc Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I really wish I could just find another job and be happy with that decision. This is the best job I've ever had. I like what I do and my company values me. Plus, it would probably take a while to find a new job even if I wanted to. I'm able to work from home a little bit, and I'm really trying hard to schedule things outside of the office, so I don't have to be there all the time. I could actually do my job from home full time, but they like me to be at the office for some reason. I would have to get approval before moving my office home for good. This morning, she text messaged me to tell me her daughter is doing better, and that there will be more doc appointments to explore the root of the issue. I was so happy to see that her daughter is feeling better. Huge relief. I hadn't contacted her in 5 days, but it's still been on my mind. I hear you brother. I'm in the exact circumstance. It's tough. I'm on vacation right now and she is the only thing on my mind still. Truthfully that gets old...it's aging me.
Author Clemenza Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Her daughter's health has been on my mind, mostly. I'm actually enjoying being out of town and not having to see her. The forced NC, if you will. There's no animosity toward her, it just purely has to do with self preservation. Though, I'd be lying if I said I don't miss her. So it's a weird thing where I simultaneously miss her AND I'm grateful for this NC opportunity. Even though she did update me on her daughter, but I think that's more important than "us."
zevahc Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Her daughter's health has been on my mind, mostly. I'm actually enjoying being out of town and not having to see her. The forced NC, if you will. There's no animosity toward her, it just purely has to do with self preservation. Though, I'd be lying if I said I don't miss her. So it's a weird thing where I simultaneously miss her AND I'm grateful for this NC opportunity. Even though she did update me on her daughter, but I think that's more important than "us." Same way I've felt past few weeks with her on vacation, and now me. It is good having NC but I think about her continually
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