Phantom888 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Now I'm beginning to regret saying, "I love you" too soon. It was last night after we had sex, and we have only had 2nd date. It felt natural to tell her last night, and I didn't expect any words in return. She reacted by covering my mouth and said, "Oh no...don't say that.... too soon....too soon." Then her reaction turned positive when I told her I loved her since the moment I saw her, which was true. I can't explain it. It happened so suddenly. I have never fallen in love so quickly. After a failed marriage and a failed engagement, the last thing I wanted was to fall in love so fast, but it just happened. But now I feel my position has been compromised, and I feel vulnerable and embarrassed. Has any relationship been destroyed or recovered from an early "I love you"?
pteromom Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Now I'm beginning to regret saying, "I love you" too soon. It was last night after we had sex, and we have only had 2nd date. It felt natural to tell her last night, and I didn't expect any words in return. She reacted by covering my mouth and said, "Oh no...don't say that.... too soon....too soon." Then her reaction turned positive when I told her I loved her since the moment I saw her, which was true. I can't explain it. It happened so suddenly. I have never fallen in love so quickly. After a failed marriage and a failed engagement, the last thing I wanted was to fall in love so fast, but it just happened. But now I feel my position has been compromised, and I feel vulnerable and embarrassed. Has any relationship been destroyed or recovered from an early "I love you"? Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... 2nd date? You should NOT have said it. I would actually do a little damage control... "You know what I said last night? I was just feeling all mushy after sex and let that slip out. Hope I didn't freak you out too much. I am enjoying getting to know you very much though, and hope you feel the same way." Something like that anyway... 4
ChessPieceFace Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I really don't recommend lying like the above posted suggested. That would be a big lie. It's unlikely that you're a master at deception, so she's likely going to know that it's not true and you'll make things worse. Just don't bring it up again for a while and try to act cooler about things. 3
TigerCub Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 In this post you make it sound all grim and uncertain but in this you seem ok with it. I say go with the more positive outlook. She cancelled her match profile after all this - so I think its all good. 3
Author Phantom888 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 I don't think it's fair that people should have to keep that feeling bottled up and not express it. I mean, I can't control what I feel. I just feel it! Plus I would not have slept with her if I didn't love her first. That's just my style. I have slept with women I did not love before, and I didn't enjoy the sex at all.
pteromom Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I really don't recommend lying like the above posted suggested. That would be a big lie. It's unlikely that you're a master at deception, so she's likely going to know that it's not true and you'll make things worse. Just don't bring it up again for a while and try to act cooler about things. It's not a lie though. He isn't in love with her yet, no matter how excited he is by her or the new relationship. Can't be in love with someone after 2 dates. 3
Author Phantom888 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 In this post you make it sound all grim and uncertain but in this you seem ok with it. I say go with the more positive outlook. She cancelled her match profile after all this - so I think its all good. I was really positive when I posted earlier, then I started reading all these horrible stories online... and then I got kinda freaked out.
pteromom Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I don't think it's fair that people should have to keep that feeling bottled up and not express it. Then express it... Just know that the consequence of doing so is that you might scare her away. It's not about keeping a feeling bottled up. It's about respecting the other person and letting a relationship build naturally.
Author Phantom888 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 It's not a lie though. He isn't in love with her yet, no matter how excited he is by her or the new relationship. Can't be in love with someone after 2 dates. That's not true. My parents fell in love on the 1st day of medical school, and dated for 2 years before they got married. They will be celebrating their 45th anniversary this December. I think their romance influenced my outlook, though I never experienced love so quickly until now.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Once you do the crime you do the time, you don't try and take it back. At this point you're stuck and it is what it is, there's no going back. Any explaining you try to do will just make you look like a j@ck@ss anyway. Just let it ride and don't say it again...the funny thing is with your prior history of an engagement and failed marriage, you're exactly the guy I would expect to say it. I think you're getting way too ahead of yourself...you don't love this girl man, I don't care what you tell me, you've got the rap sheet to show you are an impulsive guy (to me). I'd give her a breather is she pulls away a bit and if it comes up then explain to her that you were just feeling emotional in the moment and it just came out. You're not 18 anymore, try to at least take a little longer than 2 dates to say what you don't really mean but think you do because you're living in the moment...like everyone else! 2
todreaminblue Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I don't think it's fair that people should have to keep that feeling bottled up and not express it. I mean, I can't control what I feel. I just feel it! Plus I would not have slept with her if I didn't love her first. That's just my style. I have slept with women I did not love before, and I didn't enjoy the sex at all. it is good to express what you feel ...but.........you have to take into consideration the person on the receiving end of any expression that you give........you were honest....and i dotn think it has damaged your chances.......there is benefit to restraint and self control......if people were to express everything they feel as soon as they feel it.......it wouldnt be so good.......its a bit selfish...it takes into hand the fact it is what you want to do.......without time to process what you feel.....self control ....is good when first starting out in a relationship........even if you are head over heels........try and put yourself in another's shoes....before you trip those heels up..give it time...and patience........deb 3
soccerrprp Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I don't think it's fair that people should have to keep that feeling bottled up and not express it. I mean, I can't control what I feel. I just feel it! Plus I would not have slept with her if I didn't love her first. That's just my style. I have slept with women I did not love before, and I didn't enjoy the sex at all. You just contradicted your "style." So, you do sleep with women who you haven't fallen in love with? Too soon. I agree, if you truly feel that way then it is unfair to have to bottle it in, but it's also unfair that the recipient of that has to deal with the impact of such words soooooooooo soon and w/o reliable, nor meaningful way to collect her/his own feelings. So, don't be surprised if she's spooked. You need to work on self-control. Just be prepared....good luck. 1
pteromom Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 That's not true. My parents fell in love on the 1st day of medical school, and dated for 2 years before they got married. They will be celebrating their 45th anniversary this December. I think their romance influenced my outlook, though I never experienced love so quickly until now. Your parents may have instantly connected. They may have instantly been attracted to each other. They may have built a wonderful love and a beautiful marriage together, but they were not in love the first day they met. Love requires KNOWING each other. It requires knowing someone's heart and their patterns and what makes them laugh and what makes them cry. It requires full acceptance of who they are (which in turn requires knowledge of who they are.) Love can certainly bloom from what you are feeling though. The intoxicating excitement of possibility is powerful. I'm not trying to pee on your parade though. I am really happy you are so excited about your new relationship, and I truly hope it continues to build and that you have your own "we knew instantly" story. 7
soccerrprp Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 The emotional euphoria from having sex is likely the reason why you said those words. Get to know her and really figure out if it's really love or lust/infatuation at this point. 2
pteromom Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I agree, if you truly feel that way then it is unfair to have to bottle it in, but it's also unfair that the recipient of that has to deal with the impact of such words soooooooooo soon and w/o reliable, nor meaningful way to collect her/his own feelings. ITA. Knowing someone "loves" you this early is scary. It puts so much more pressure on building a new relationship. It also makes you scrutinize what you are feeling, and if you aren't feeling 100% the same way, it makes you terrified of breaking the other person's heart. Basically, it interrupts the natural flow of a new relationship. 4
KatZee Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Yikes... And from a girl's POV... that's really freaking creepy dude. You may be infatuated, excited about dating this woman, hopeful, have high expectations, but you absolutely don't love her. Please do not confuse any of the above with love, because it's not. If some dude told me he loved me the second time I hung out with him... I dono. I don't think he'd ever see me again. It just screams 'STAGE 5 CLINGER!!!!'
serial muse Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 (edited) Now I'm beginning to regret saying, "I love you" too soon. It was last night after we had sex, and we have only had 2nd date. It felt natural to tell her last night, and I didn't expect any words in return. She reacted by covering my mouth and said, "Oh no...don't say that.... too soon....too soon." Then her reaction turned positive when I told her I loved her since the moment I saw her, which was true. I can't explain it. It happened so suddenly. I have never fallen in love so quickly. After a failed marriage and a failed engagement, the last thing I wanted was to fall in love so fast, but it just happened. But now I feel my position has been compromised, and I feel vulnerable and embarrassed. Has any relationship been destroyed or recovered from an early "I love you"? I once said it too soon (although not as soon as you did!)...and the relationship didn't work out. But then, I didn't really know the guy very well when I said it (just about 2 months in) and it really was too soon to say something like that, because while I wanted it to be true, it wasn't, really. I just didn't know enough about him, and about us together, to know if I loved him or was just really, really feeling good at that moment. He was freaked out by it, and I can't say I blame him. I'm sure you felt something powerful, but thinking you love someone after two dates...well, if I were her, I wouldn't trust it, to be honest. You don't know her yet; how can you know you love her? I don't think you have to keep all of your feelings bottled up, but there are other ways to tell someone how much you're enjoying being with them - at that moment. "Love" suggests a kind of promise for the future, and how can you make such a promise so early on? Edited to add: I just saw your other thread and it sounds like she's going with it, though. So why are you worrying? Cancelling her Match account is a really good sign... Edited June 3, 2013 by serial muse 1
Author Phantom888 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Yikes... And from a girl's POV... that's really freaking creepy dude. You may be infatuated, excited about dating this woman, hopeful, have high expectations, but you absolutely don't love her. Please do not confuse any of the above with love, because it's not. If some dude told me he loved me the second time I hung out with him... I dono. I don't think he'd ever see me again. It just screams 'STAGE 5 CLINGER!!!!' I am the opposite of a clinger. I need space. so your rules don't apply. I think people are far too paranoid these days. Not to defend my actions, but I don't think it makes me look like im sick or anything.
Author Phantom888 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Edited to add: I just saw your other thread and it sounds like she's going with it, though. So why are you worrying? Cancelling her Match account is a really good sign... I think she is going along with it, but I feel bad that I inadvertently put pressure on the relationship. I texted her today telling her that I have no intention of putting pressure on her or rush things....and that I was being inconsiderate at the time. She responded: "Thank you...I needed that... I need things to come naturally and be able to trust them... I know last night was incredibly passionate and both of our emotions were running high...Your honesty and passion are amazing....I treasure that about you..." And this morning she cancelled her Match account. So she's not freaked out. She knows I'm not a crazy clinger. I'm glad she is more mature about it than me. Nevertheless, I still feel bad about what I said, even though in my world that's the best thing you can say to someone. 2
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Learn to be yourself. I can't believe the negativity! If a guy said ILY under the circumstances you did, I would assume he was infatuated, and overtaken by the moment, nothing more. If I felt infatuated as well, it would all be wonderful. We just have different definitions of love. Either way, I wouldn't be creeped out and leaving skid marks as I skittered for the door. It was simply sweet, cute, but largely meaningless. Now, if the next day, you started backpedaling and claiming you didn't mean what you said? Then I would be gone. You can't even sustain a feeling beyond the moment. That's scary! I don't want that level of instability in my life. Nothing healthy comes of it. 3
Star Gazer Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 That's not true. My parents fell in love on the 1st day of medical school, and dated for 2 years before they got married. They will be celebrating their 45th anniversary this December. I think their romance influenced my outlook, though I never experienced love so quickly until now. They, like you, fell in LUST, not love. You cannot LOVE someone until you really, truly know them, inside and out. You only know what the inside of her vagina is like, not her soul. 1
jolie_baby Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Has any relationship been destroyed or recovered from an early "I love you"? That's cute Destroyed? I don't think so...
Author Phantom888 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Think it's sweet when a guy professes feelings soon, so long as its sincere and he's not trying to butter me up for something. My current boyfriend said it on our third date, we will have our two year anniversary next week. If she's an honest girl who values love, dont regret it. My guy cultivates our intimacy by wearing his heart on his sleeve, I have never felt more wanted. The thing is, I'm that kind of guy. I do wear my heart on my sleeve. My last relationship the woman expressed her love after 2.5 months, and that was when I said it back to her, though I didn't really feel I meant it. I have NEVER said it first, that's my rap sheet. I guess women are not used to hearing these things sincerely. People say men use these words to butter up the women so they can sleep with them. But in my case, she suggested sex, and I felt how much she wanted me. So I seriously qualify to be an exception to the rule.
TigerCub Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I was really positive when I posted earlier, then I started reading all these horrible stories online... and then I got kinda freaked out. I understand. I do think that it seems to soon to love someone - but your feelings are your own and you shouldn't feel bad about them. And it is kind of silly how its all good to jump into bed with someone on a first or second date, but gosh forbid that we actually feel things for people! Every story is different and since this lady seems ok with it - I don't think you have anything to worry about. Enjoy being in love 1
Author Phantom888 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Learn to be yourself. I can't believe the negativity! If a guy said ILY under the circumstances you did, I would assume he was infatuated, and overtaken by the moment, nothing more. If I felt infatuated as well, it would all be wonderful. We just have different definitions of love. Either way, I wouldn't be creeped out and leaving skid marks as I skittered for the door. It was simply sweet, cute, but largely meaningless. Now, if the next day, you started backpedaling and claiming you didn't mean what you said? Then I would be gone. You can't even sustain a feeling beyond the moment. That's scary! I don't want that level of instability in my life. Nothing healthy comes of it. I agree with you. I did NOT backpedal, as that would make me feel dishonest. As stated above, I basically apologized for putting pressure on the relationship, and she understood fine. Frankly, I think she is hooked by my performance last night. 1
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