Ale khun Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 (edited) I went out with my friends last night , you know the supportive group of friends who try to cheer you up all the time( girls night out ) I had a little to much to drink we were having a good time dancing laughing etc when I saw him in the same place just few steps from me , I don't know for how long he was watching us when I saw him my heart was beating really fast and I was shaking he approached us and say hi to me and gave me a kiss in the mouth like before , I couldn't move after that I was in shock , well he and his friends stayed the rest of the night with us , the music was too loud we couldn't talk much , it was late and honestly I was a little drunk but I was happy like in a trance but deep inside I knew that that moment it was going to be over and that the next day it was going to be just like before nothing was going to change , but still I was fooling myself thinking that I was able to handle my emotions and that I wasn't going to get hurt . What a lie !! . He offered to take me home and we went to my house he stayed the night with me , everything felt right and wrong at the same time , he was constantly checking his phone I couldn't see what he was doing , so I told him in a funny way , " tell her to text you tomorrow now you are with me " he just laugh about it and told me " I'm checking my FB , " but who checks FB at 2 am ?? we end up having sex , but I felt weird out of place and honestly sex wasn't good as I thought i didn't like it like before , I think I idealize the idea of him I didn't found him "cute" like before it was like having what you always wanted and then realize it wasn't what you expected. Just a weird feeling , anyways he stayed the night with me and I couldn't sleep at all next to him I spend the night thinking why did u leave me ?why you didn't want to try ? why can you be like before ? Why why ,why all night . I was sad really sad but I try really hard not to cry when he was hugging and cuddling me In the back of my head I was thinking "this is going to hurt " "this is going to be even painful tomorrow " and it really hurts I feel like s••t now I know that he is not going to text me or call me and if he does it will be in two weeks , I know he doesn't love me he's not going to change , he doesn't need me He's happy with his life now and I'm not , for me May was a horrible month every morning it's a daily struggle sometimes I cry driving to work , I cry at work and I have to hide so no one can see me . I really hate mornings I hate to have this sadness all the time while he is happy having fun , working , driving living , but now what bothers me the most is to know that I'm in square one again that it seems that I don't want to learn my lesson , that I've failed myself , I don't want to be the sad girl anymore , and I don't want to live another month like this again it's not worth it, I really hope that knowing what I know now and after feeling "weird " with him I can move on at the end he is not what I thought he was , it's a confusing feeling to explain but mostly in my crazy head I hope this is a new beginning , I have feelings for him but not that strong as before , it's amazing how time really helps when you let it work but please don't make my mistakes , it hurts . I'm sorry it's a long post I know but I needed to take it out of my chest , Edited June 3, 2013 by Ale khun
KPChick000 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Oh my, what supportive group of girl friends let you go home with him?! But, I digress... I understand how you're feeling. I went through it with an old ex of mine. I slept with him after the break-up and pretended everything was okay. But, afterwards I felt like crap because I knew we were not getting back together. It takes a lot of willpower to resist the familiarity and comfort of being with an ex, but you have to say NO. No matter how good the sex is or how good you feel in the moment of being in his arms, it is not worth the ****ty feeling in the morning after he is gone. Let this be a lesson and try to stay away from him next time! Tell your friends to stop you! We all learn and you will too.
Author Ale khun Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 (edited) Oh my, what supportive group of girl friends let you go home with him?! But, I digress... I understand how you're feeling. I went through it with an old ex of mine. I slept with him after the break-up and pretended everything was okay. But, afterwards I felt like crap because I knew we were not getting back together. It takes a lot of willpower to resist the familiarity and comfort of being with an ex, but you have to say NO. No matter how good the sex is or how good you feel in the moment of being in his arms, it is not worth the ****ty feeling in the morning after he is gone. Let this be a lesson and try to stay away from him next time! Tell your friends to stop you! We all learn and you will too. Well one of my friends is angry with me for what I did because she has seen me in my worst moments , but the funny or good part it's that I didn't like it , it wasn't good sex , it was awkward , I think that all this time after the BU I've been dreaming about him and the moment of being with him stupid i know but somehow I thought he was perfect this hurts like hell like you said specially this morning when he left I hate this feeling Edited June 3, 2013 by Ale khun
Recommended Posts