bananapancakes Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Sorry for the length of this but I could do with some advice. I was with my ex (Paul) for 3 years. For the last year I really wasn’t happy. It wasn’t anything he did or I did. He is a very nice guy but things were not working. I tried everything to make it work. Holidays, romantic things, trips to the seaside. I even moved in in the hope that it’d force it to work. I thought at first it was just a phase, but nothing worked and I continued being unhappy. I finally decided to move out and told him. He found someone who could move in to pay the rent. A friend from college (Barry). When this friend moved in I still hadn’t found a new place so I offered to help pay the rent and just stay there for an extra month until I found a place. At this stage things with Paul were pretty bad. We hadn’t had sex in about 8 months, we didn’t talk that much, didn’t spend any quality time together. He did want the relationship to work, but I was so far out of it and knew that I would be breaking up as soon as I moved out but it’d be on good terms and hopefully we could stay friends. As time went on, things with Paul stayed the same. He use to go to rugby training twice a week and basketball once a week and also would spend a lot of time working or at his brother’s house. (This wasn’t the reason for me wanting out. Things just got particularly bad towards the end, but he wasn’t a bad guy at all. He was always a very decent guy). Anyway, due to all the times Paul would be out, I started hanging out in the apartment more and more with Barry seeing as we lived together. I had no interest in Barry at the start but gradually we became friends. Barry and I had a lot of things in common. We were quite like minded and got on extremely well. We had such a laugh together and were very open with each other about everything… It didn’t take long until we were quite close to the extent that his friends and my friends both noticed some sort of sexual tension between us. What began as friends turned into flirting. We started flirting.. texting every day…. Bit by bit we started hanging out outside the apartment… I could feel feelings starting and I sensed that these feelings were mutual. We ended up kissing one night. I wasn’t drunk or anything when it happened. I knew what I was doing even though I knew it was wrong. I then decided to speed up my moving out and find a place ASAP. I moved out and broke up with my boyfriend shortly after. He took it quite badly which is natural considering how long we were together. But we left on good terms. Barry and I still kept in contact. We would text every single day and see each other every single day. I knew that what I was doing was wrong but I just enjoyed his company so much and felt so happy with him. Happier than I had been in such a long time. We hung out a lot. Did things like spoke to each other on the phone til 5am… It wasn’t long after I moved out that we ended up slipping into a kind of relationship. Barry felt just as bad about the situation as I did (probably worse even). He kept saying how we couldn’t keep doing this and that it was wrong and had to stop. But then we always ended up back together. We are now 9 months in. I’m pretty crazy about him. We both agree that it’s probably the best relationship either of us have ever been in. We are compatible in so many levels and get on so well. We are pretty solid apart from the situation that surrounds us. Barry in particular is finding it really hard. Since we got together his friend bumped into us one day as we were leaving a café. This is a mutual friend of my exs. That was about 7 months ago and none of his friends have spoken to him since. He is in a situation now where he has lost his whole group of friends and feels completely guilty about the whole situation. Although he is really happy with us and we are so close, the situation around us is making him very stressed and anxious. It’s even started affecting his sleep and work. I don’t know what we should do. I know that we shouldn’t be together in the first place. I know it’s wrong. But is there anyone who can give me some advice on what they think I should do?
FebruaryAmor Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 **** does Paul know you and Barry r talking?? im pretty sure he does ppl talk. is Barry's loyalty to ur ex more than to u??
Author bananapancakes Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Thanks for your reply. I'm not sure if he knows we are still talking but he probably does. Neither myself or Barry have really spoken to him since this has happened. It's not really a loyalty to either of us. It's more a matter of doing the right thing and not feeling guilty for doing such a bad thing. It's just a very difficult situation and neither of us really know what to do.
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