nugget_718 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 So it's been almost a month since my LDR bf and I mutually agreed to BU. The last 9 months has been one hell of a roller coaster ride for me as far as frustration and disappointment due to his extensive traveling for work that led us to not fulfilling the once a month visit. Of course the little charade last month when he had lied to me where he was didn't help our situation. We have been on LC right after the BU, mostly initiated by him and he has since invited me twice to join him on his business trip to which I both declined. I feel like we both need the break after all that had happened within the last 9 months...seeing each other only 3x as oppose to every month, not spending the holidays together, not being there for my bday and for my biopsy, the big charade...I could go on. Last Friday, while we were messaging each other, he had asked if I was holding a grudge because his promise to swing by here that weekend is once again cancelled. I said no, I expected it. He was very emotional and was being sentimental about our present situation and he says he was wondering what could have been happening if his trip to see me had push through. Not to sound bitter or negative but I responded along the lines of....we will still be in the same situation...you're still running from one country to the next and you're promises to swing by to see me will be broken again due to another customer emergency but he shouldn't worry about it because that has been his routine for the past 9 months and I stopped expecting long ago. He apologized for yet another disappointment and he says he will try harder to be here next time so we can talk face to face and figure out if we still want to give it another go. Part of me (the sappy, weak human being part) wants to work it out and see if we can try again but the practical side of me says NO. For as long as he is in the same company and the same position, the same problem will be there. He will still travel extensively for work and my choice is to either join him when I can or not see him for longer periods of time. I should also add that I still do love him but that love has been diminishing around the holidays last year due to the reasons I mentioned above. Any insight/advice will be appreciated.
justwhoiam Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 The sappy and weak part of you might take over in the short term, but the practical side of you will win over time. Just bear that in mind. So whatever you decide short-term will be reversed in the long run. And you'll have wasted a lot of time. Unless you radically change your way of reasoning. That implies you accept his work, you trust him, you keep loving him and you are ready to follow your heart at all time.
Author nugget_718 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 The sappy and weak part of you might take over in the short term, but the practical side of you will win over time. Just bear that in mind. So whatever you decide short-term will be reversed in the long run. And you'll have wasted a lot of time. Unless you radically change your way of reasoning. That implies you accept his work, you trust him, you keep loving him and you are ready to follow your heart at all time. Thanks for your response Justwhoiam. Trusting him is not an issue. Yes, he may have betrayed my trust for a bit last month but come to think of it, during the 22 months of togetherness, that was about the only time he had done that and his reason for doing it was acceptable and applicable to the circumstance at that time. Don't know if that makes sense. I think my biggest fear of giving the RS another go is to go through the roller coaster of emotions due to disappointments. The logical side of me would counter that fear and would take things as they come instead of planning things that may not happen at all which causes the disappointment to begin with. I guess my reasoning is all over the place.
FitChick Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Since his situation hasn't changed, neither will yours. Unless you break it off or make it clear to him that you will be dating others and he should do the same. He will have a hard time finding any woman to put up with this, unless she is married or someone he meets in an airport bar. Watch the DVD Up in the Air. Tell him to watch it.
Author nugget_718 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Since his situation hasn't changed, neither will yours. Unless you break it off or make it clear to him that you will be dating others and he should do the same. He will have a hard time finding any woman to put up with this, unless she is married or someone he meets in an airport bar. Watch the DVD Up in the Air. Tell him to watch it. We actually both watch that movie . But I get what you're saying. The only possible change he can make is if he hires a guy to take up the EU region. He says he has an open requisition for that so let's see what happens. Meantime, I think I will drag out the "break" much longer until I see any change.
Omei Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 (edited) I think you're being kinda unfair putting so much strain on this man who likes you to pick between pretty much you or his job, and ill tell you now. There wont be a "change" he needs to work to live and will prob keep working that job until something else comes up. Sometimes in my LDR I have waited up to 8 months for a visit because of how work go's. If you can't be happy while he works this job then I would give it up. Because unless you plan to pay his bills its not going to change. If you really do! want it to work you said join him! do it? Edited June 5, 2013 by Omei
Author nugget_718 Posted June 5, 2013 Author Posted June 5, 2013 I think you're being kinda unfair putting so much strain on this man who likes you to pick between pretty much you or his job, and ill tell you now. There wont be a "change" he needs to work to live and will prob keep working that job until something else comes up. Sometimes in my LDR I have waited up to 8 months for a visit because of how work go's. If you can't be happy while he works this job then I would give it up. Because unless you plan to pay his bills its not going to change. If you really do! want it to work you said join him! do it? Omei, believe me, I have dissected this relationship over and over again and the logical side of me knows what you are saying. Making him choose between me and his job is not an option and I won't for the life of me, make him choose. This is both our first LDR relationship so we don't really know the dynamics of it and didn't foresee the hardship of being apart. We walked into this relationship thinking that we are both mature enough to know the ins and outs but we know now that we are way in over our head. From the get go, I know that he is in sales and whether we are together, living in the same house or not, his job will take him away at least averaging a week a month and he was forthcoming about this. Actually, I know about his job nature because we are in the same industry but that was not enough preparation for me as far as coping with his absence. Having said that, yes, I need to be more understanding and be more accommodating of his schedule because this is his job. He wasn't cancelling visits to pursue some other personal things. I just need to learn to be more patient I guess.
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