KatZee Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 So, this isn't a setback thread per se. Just sort of an update on the ex, etc. So yesterday FB decided to tell me who my ex's new girlfriend is. Everyone's blocked but she came up as "People You Might Know" based on mutual friends. So I log onto FB and I see a small thumbnail and I was like... "IS THAT MY EX?!" So I clicked it and sure enough, it was. Seeing the pictures actually didn't bother me at all. I'm not hurt by it, I'm actually newly seeing someone else at this moment and I'm turning into a loony bin on that front, but what DID bother me is that my ex was a complete and utter scumbag. A chronic liar. A cheater. No integrity, no morals. Allowed people to disrespect me. Disrespected my parents to their face... And HE gets promoted? HE gets a hot new girlfriend who's obsessed with him? HE gets this all amazing life? Bit of background, I just lost my job, and now I'm stressing b/c I'm not sure the guy I'm into, is equally as into me back. I'm sure by even uttering the word "Karma" Tara will be here in 5 seconds, but how does he get the world on a silver platter? And why does life seem to be taking a giant dump on me right now? I Just don't get it.
KathyM Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Well, if it's any consolation, that disrespectful scumbag who lies and cheats is on borrowed time with this new girlfriend. He may be putting up a good façade for her for the time being, but eventually his true colors will come out and that relationship will end. Women who are worth knowing don't put up with scumbag behavior, so when the rose colored glasses come off, she'll likely dump him. His true colors will eventually come out. Just a matter of time. 1
BustedUpInside Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Don't rely on social media to determine how your life compares to someone else. Facebook and other sites just showcase the best moments and don't show the day-to-day. As for your life not being exactly what you want, I am not going to give you some trite advice on just fixing it into whatever you want, but what I will say is that whenever I have times where everything seems to be going wrong, it has always been temporary and then things change and my life goes better than it was before the bad stuff started happening. I know it seems like life isn't fair and he should be suffering, but trust me, people like him will never be as happy as you. He is probably the kind of person who never appreciates what he has (evidenced by how rudely he treated a good person like you) and so his life will never be "good enough" no matter what. While you, after getting over this temporary setback, will have a great life filled with the love and happiness that always seems to elude your ex because he will never be able to get over his entitlement issues.
CelticGibson Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Social media, like Facebook, can help create an ideal world image for anyone. What you see is usually the best of a person. You don't see the moods, the boring daily activity, the issues that they choose not to share. I think it's possible that you are idealising your ex to the point that you think they have a much better life than you. Ask yourself this: If you were spending time with them, would it look so great in reality?
Author KatZee Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Yeah I mean what both of you are saying makes complete sense in my rational mind. However, I feel like this funk came out of no where and now I'm in that really naive mentality of "Did he change and become awesome with her now?!" And I've been fighting to tell myself all day that NO, it's all a sham, he's just buttering her up until she's not a new shiny toy anymore, and that eventually she'll see through him. (Hopefully.) She's also 24. Nothing wrong with being early 20's but he's going to be 28. Don't early 20's women have issues?
Author KatZee Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Social media, like Facebook, can help create an ideal world image for anyone. What you see is usually the best of a person. You don't see the moods, the boring daily activity, the issues that they choose not to share. I think it's possible that you are idealising your ex to the point that you think they have a much better life than you. Ask yourself this: If you were spending time with them, would it look so great in reality? I'm not really idealizing my ex at all. I don't want him, or his life, or want anything to do with him at all. It's just really annoying to me that I lose my job, I'm stressing about guys, and he appears to be living the high life. Yeah yeah, it's FB. It's just annoying. I wanted karma to rip his dick right off. No such luck. 3
KathyM Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Yeah I mean what both of you are saying makes complete sense in my rational mind. However, I feel like this funk came out of no where and now I'm in that really naive mentality of "Did he change and become awesome with her now?!" And I've been fighting to tell myself all day that NO, it's all a sham, he's just buttering her up until she's not a new shiny toy anymore, and that eventually she'll see through him. (Hopefully.) She's also 24. Nothing wrong with being early 20's but he's going to be 28. Don't early 20's women have issues? Depends on the person. Some are more mature than others, and have their life together more than others. Eventually, she'll see his true colors.
Author KatZee Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Yeah she comes off like a little kid though. The relationship is fairly new, I'd say 2 months old, and within the past week she's updated her profile photo like 4 times with a new shot of them, being all "My BFF!" "Other half! <3" Truly wanted to vomit. Attention seeker much?
Chi townD Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Hey, when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade! Okay, so you lost your job, maybe the next one you get is going to be sooo much better, less stress and more pay. You don't know! So, dust off that resume and be on the hunt. Get motivated! Look at this as an opportunity to WOW your next employer's. We are in charge of our own happiness! Take this opportunity and make something positive out of it! Go back to school! Take some classes! Occupy your time in a positive way! Forget your Ex. I'm sure his life isn't a bed of roses. Yeah sure, he got a promotion, but with a promotion comes more responsibility. So, he might be spending more time at the office and this hot new girl is going to resent it probably. So, no worries! He's her promblem now! You'll get through this, start thinking positive thoughts.
BustedUpInside Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Yeah she comes off like a little kid though. The relationship is fairly new, I'd say 2 months old, and within the past week she's updated her profile photo like 4 times with a new shot of them, being all "My BFF!" "Other half! <3" Truly wanted to vomit. Attention seeker much? She might be, but you should probably stop looking at the pictures. They are just going to drive you crazy for no reason. She doesn't matter. Who cares why he likes her? What is more important is how you're doing. How your life is going. Don't even worry about her or your ex. You are the important one. Your life is the focus now.
Author KatZee Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 They really and truly do not bother me. And I'm proud of myself. I'm actually glad I stumbled across them b/c now I know for certain. I'm over my ex. I'm just a typical Libra. Everything needs to be fair to keep my center balanced. And the fact he's prospering and life is dumping on me? NOT fair. Yeah. Life's not fair. But it's just the principle of the matter!!! lol
iouaname Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I think that's pretty normal to feel like that. Nobody wants to see or feel like someone who did them wrong is soaring. I can kind of relate! Things are tough for me, while my ex seems to be doing better than ever! It is what it is. I know there will come a time where things begin to go really well for me, so I just keep looking forward to that...
youngnlove89 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 She's also 24. Nothing wrong with being early 20's but he's going to be 28. Don't early 20's women have issues? Issues? That's a broad generalization, isn't it? It's more the person than it is the age. What matters is their level of maturity, their morals, age is irrelevant. Anyways, I know how you feel. I have an ex from 2009 who cheated on me and ruined my life. He is married to the woman he cheated on me with, has a kid, lives a happy life, always boasting on Facebook (I, too, occasionally stalk). It's not fair. You are right. They did us wrong. They were the bad guy, we were the good guy. So why do they get the high life? Because sh#t happens, life is hardly ever fair. There is no reason, it just is. What matters most is how you stand up after each fall, not how many times you fall. One good thing about life is having free will, we decide what to do with the little bumps in the road. We can moan, we can wonder, we can get mad or we can do something about it. 1
Author KatZee Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Issues? That's a broad generalization, isn't it? It's more the person than it is the age. What matters is their level of maturity, their morals, age is irrelevant. Not a broad generalization at all. It's already scientifically proven that the frontal lobe of a person in their early 20's is not developed. Male & female. It explains the sudden onset of GIGS, and just not having a clue what you want, or thinking you want something only to look back years later and be like... "wtf was I doing?!" It's because the frontal lobe responsible for "cause and effect" and "long term" and "consequence" just isn't there yet. She's sort of close, but in terms of trying to date someone seriously, I would never get with a guy who was 24. Things are way too susceptible to sudden change. With how you grow, and how you evolve... But it makes sense why he would date someone so much younger. He's emotionally stunted. He can't be with a woman because a woman would be on track for engagement/marriage. He can't handle that so he dates younger.
youngnlove89 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Not a broad generalization at all. It's already scientifically proven that the frontal lobe of a person in their early 20's is not developed. Male & female. It explains the sudden onset of GIGS, and just not having a clue what you want, or thinking you want something only to look back years later and be like... "wtf was I doing?!" It's because the frontal lobe responsible for "cause and effect" and "long term" and "consequence" just isn't there yet. She's sort of close, but in terms of trying to date someone seriously, I would never get with a guy who was 24. Things are way too susceptible to sudden change. With how you grow, and how you evolve... But it makes sense why he would date someone so much younger. He's emotionally stunted. He can't be with a woman because a woman would be on track for engagement/marriage. He can't handle that so he dates younger. Okay. Sure. I'd never get with a guy that young either, they are emotionally retarded. Well, most of them. But girls are different, girls want to get married young and have babies. It's proven by my Facebook wall!! Girls are more emotional and marriage minded than men I think. Most would rather settle down. But maybe the girl your ex is dating is different. Who knows. Still, what is sad is how this has fogged your mind. You shouldn't give a hoot about him. I shouldn't give a hoot about my ex-ex. Why do we care is the question?
Author KatZee Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Still, what is sad is how this has fogged your mind. You shouldn't give a hoot about him. I shouldn't give a hoot about my ex-ex. Why do we care is the question? I can be completely over someone, with someone else, in love and happy, but if asked about that last person I will still wish revenge on them. That's how I am. I hold grudges. I think it's a Libra thing. I'm very capable of keeping that alive without having it affect my life. I will never wish my ex well. I will never be happy for him if he's in a good place. I will never have nice things to say about him. I will never stop wanting karma to come and take him out. It's more of an ego thing too. You don't get to just do what you did to me, and then get away with it. That's not how s.hit works in my world. 1
youngnlove89 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 And as expected, there is always controversial chatter against a topic (front lobe topic) Human intelligence is not because of the frontal lobe as believed | Ancient Origins So, it really just depends on the person I believe.
Author KatZee Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 And as expected, there is always controversial chatter against a topic (front lobe topic) Human intelligence is not because of the frontal lobe as believed | Ancient Origins So, it really just depends on the person I believe. That link is talking about intelligence. I'm not talking about intelligence. I'm talking about the ability to make a decision; a LONG TERM decision based on weighing pros/cons and being able to recognize the consequences of those actions. You'll notice in teens/young adults that they behave impulsively without much regard to future consequence. It's not because they're stupid, or less intelligent than an older person, it's just that the frontal lobe capable of really UNDERSTANDING and grasping long term cause and effect is not there. That's different than intelligence.
youngnlove89 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I can be completely over someone, with someone else, in love and happy, but if asked about that last person I will still wish revenge on them. That's how I am. I hold grudges. I think it's a Libra thing. I'm very capable of keeping that alive without having it affect my life. I will never wish my ex well. I will never be happy for him if he's in a good place. I will never have nice things to say about him. I will never stop wanting karma to come and take him out. It's more of an ego thing too. You don't get to just do what you did to me, and then get away with it. That's not how s.hit works in my world. Sometimes to let go of things, you have to forgive. You are harboring these negative feelings while your ex has moved on. You aren't being fair to YOU. Forgiveness is a powerful thing my friend. Mustering up genuine compassion for those who have wronged us, instead of allowing anger toward them to eat away at us, is the course of action. Burying the hatchet brings peace to the soul. For the helluvit: Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness - MayoClinic.com
youngnlove89 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 That link is talking about intelligence. I'm not talking about intelligence. I'm talking about the ability to make a decision; a LONG TERM decision based on weighing pros/cons and being able to recognize the consequences of those actions. You'll notice in teens/young adults that they behave impulsively without much regard to future consequence. It's not because they're stupid, or less intelligent than an older person, it's just that the frontal lobe capable of really UNDERSTANDING and grasping long term cause and effect is not there. That's different than intelligence. I don't think so. Intelligence is knowing what is right and wrong, it's being responsible, it's knowing your consequences, it's behaving properly and not impulsively. I don't think the opposite of intelligence is stupidity, I think it's just inexperienced. The frontal lobe is the part of the brain of humans (and mammals) that is responsible for our intelligence. Up until now it was believed that because humans have a more evolved frontal lobe compared to other mammals, that is the reason for human intelligence, behavior, advanced thinking and other complex functions. I'm not here to argue the whole lobe thing because that is going off topic. I'm just here to help you.
Tree_Salmon Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Some people are just scumbags, frontal lobe or not. 7
Author KatZee Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Sometimes to let go of things, you have to forgive. You are harboring these negative feelings while your ex has moved on. You aren't being fair to YOU. Forgiveness is a powerful thing my friend. Mustering up genuine compassion for those who have wronged us, instead of allowing anger toward them to eat away at us, is the course of action. Burying the hatchet brings peace to the soul. For the helluvit: Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness - MayoClinic.com Yeah, I wrote this a longggg time ago. The only person I forgive, is myself. For staying with him far longer than I should have. This truly hasn't affected ME on any deep level. Some people are capable of forgiving those who have done them wrong, others hold grudges. I am the latter. Doesn't mean I'm negative, or impacted at all in my life. I'm actually the most positive person I know. My life is a party every single day and I love it. I'm just spiteful. He doesn't deserve goodness. He doesn't deserve to succeed or have anyone who is good. B/c he doesn't treat good people well. I don't think people who abuse others, and who hurt others intentionally should be rewarded and given things in life. That's where I stand. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 They really and truly do not bother me. And I'm proud of myself. I'm actually glad I stumbled across them b/c now I know for certain. I'm over my ex. I'm just a typical Libra. Everything needs to be fair to keep my center balanced. And the fact he's prospering and life is dumping on me? NOT fair. Yeah. Life's not fair. But it's just the principle of the matter!!! lol Ha!!! Yeah, try being a TRUE Libra (15th) and a deep left brain thinker. Some days I would rather just tear my brain right out of my head the try to 'balance' my thoughts. Seriously!! 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I can be completely over someone, with someone else, in love and happy, but if asked about that last person I will still wish revenge on them. That's how I am. I hold grudges. I think it's a Libra thing. I'm very capable of keeping that alive without having it affect my life. I will never wish my ex well. I will never be happy for him if he's in a good place. I will never have nice things to say about him. I will never stop wanting karma to come and take him out. It's more of an ego thing too. You don't get to just do what you did to me, and then get away with it. That's not how s.hit works in my world. This will tear you up, always keep you down and lead to negative patterns in RS's...
KPChick000 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Fb is a bitch, isn't it? I, too, had similar thoughts after checking fb last week. Why does he get to have fun/live a fab life with this new chick while I'm still grieving over him? It's not that my life is shabby or anything, but comparatively, he is "ahead" of me in this break-up. Of course, this is our ego talking, because we like to think that we should be the ones better off without our exes. I completely understand how seeing things on fb can throw us into self-pity. My ex is also seeing a girl who is 24/25. I think what you said about your ex could apply to my ex as well. I'm in my late 20s and while I wasn't pressuring for marriage or babies or anything, we were at that point (at 3 years) to think about moving in together, getting a place, etc. I don't think he was afraid of that, but financially I don't think he was ready to make the jump yet with me. I think sometimes he took the easy way out because she is younger, so he has time to think of "grown-up" stuff. 1
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