dama739 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 This is going to be a long post...sorry...need to get this out of my head before it pops off my shoulders... Got divorced about 5 years ago - ex and I had been married for about 18 mos. Wound up getting pregnant on our honeymoon, and have a great son. Things went from bad to worse after we got married - no cheating, abuse, or that kind of thing - it just wasn't working. Kid comes along, great thing - our relationship goes further downhill from the stress...live and learn (but my kid was totally worth it). I started seeing someone shortly after the divorce, she naturally got pissed (even though SHE filed for the divorce and was repeatedly telling me how much she HATED me when we still lived together)...started telling me how I was an awful dad and that she would make sure our son knew it (even though I exercised my visitation, pay an exorbitant amount of support, am good to our son, etc.) I decide I don't even want to run into the ex at the grocery store, dinner, etc. - have a job where I can work anywhere, new girlfriend takes a job two hours away. I move with the GF because I'm at my wits end and feel like I need a change of scenery. Still see my son every other weekend, drive in to his town to take him to the eye doctor, dentist, holidays, etc. The whole time I'm making the commute - realize that it was my decision, so I never make the ex make the trek - I ALWAYS make the drive to pick him up/drop him off at her house/a place of her choosing. Still, during all this time, she feels the need to make sure to tell me whenever things aren't going as she feels they need to that I'm an awful father, I'm doing severe emotional damage driving him back and forth and it's not "quality parenting time", I moved away to be with my GF and that I care about her more than my kid, that he's going to grow up to hate me for moving away, that I should be doing this or that with my son (she pretty much tries to dictate what I do on my time i.e. she tells him to tell me that I need to take him to X or Y after I pick him up, b/c that's what she wants him to be doing), enrolls him in activities (that he doesn't enjoy or want to be in - he literally cries when he goes, no matter if the ex takes him or I do) just to make it more difficult for me to take him back to the city I now live in, etc. Basically, any time I don't do exactly what she wants, she starts being nasty to me, sends me derogatory texts/e-mails. Any time I'm bending over backwards to stay in town (i.e. I stayed in his town recently b/c she made plans on one of my weekends to take him to a Disney thing, even though I had already made plans to do stuff where I live). And I don't mind doing that, honestly because I know he enjoys it and that's what is important. However, it always seems like it's, "You can't go back to where you live because he has [insert activity] this weekend, and I'm not wasting that $$$ for him to be in the car for 2 hours each way" (mind you that I pay support and STILL pay for 1/2 of whatever she enrolls him in, on top of - you know, because I'm such an awful bastard...). On the other hand, if she has some kind of thing she wants him to go to, then he can miss whatever activity. I've threatened to take her to court multiple times, due to the fact that I know the state guidelines and nowhere in there does it say she can dictate where I live, that I can't take him out of the state, that she can tell me what to do during my time with him, that [insert activity] is reason for him needing to stay in his town for the weekend, etc. (Like I said, it'd be different if he enjoyed what he's enrolled in, but he generally doesn't. He only does it because he basically feels like he's being forced/will disappoint her if he doesn't.) Honestly though, I don't want to go through all that red tape - plus I have (what I think to be) a valid concern that she'll start (if she hasn't already) telling him that "Daddy just moved away because he doesn't care about you". Which hurts, because he's young and impressionable and I care for my son very much. I guess it just boils down to I need to grow a pair, take her to court, stop jumping to her every command, and be done with it...Thanks for listening to me yammer...
hotgurl Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 To be honest you are a part time parent. You see your kid only every other weekend. What is that 52 days out of the year? She is doing all the heavy lifting. And I can see her point about driving it is 4 hours round trip so you would have him in the car 8 hours for a weekend. What would you do with him? Do you want to see your son more. Why do you only have every other weekend. Most people I know do a 50/50 split. Do you talk to him while you are not with him? She shouldn't dictate what you two do together. As for the money yes you pay a lot but so does she kids are expensive. If you lived closer would you have a 50/50 split?
coaches24 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 To be honest you are a part time parent. You see your kid only every other weekend. What is that 52 days out of the year? She is doing all the heavy lifting. And I can see her point about driving it is 4 hours round trip so you would have him in the car 8 hours for a weekend. What would you do with him? Do you want to see your son more. Why do you only have every other weekend. Most people I know do a 50/50 split. Do you talk to him while you are not with him? She shouldn't dictate what you two do together. As for the money yes you pay a lot but so does she kids are expensive. If you lived closer would you have a 50/50 split? It would 8 hours for him but only 4 for the son as he isn't there when Dad drives down to get him and drives home after dropping him off. Sounds to me like the mom is the one causing emotional damage to the kids. She's making everything emotional and isn't taking into account what's best for the kids if she's threatening to let the son know what kind of horrible father he is. I agree with the OP of taking her to court. I would document everything and maybe even record her the next time she rips into him about what a terrible person he is. Ahe sounds like she is verbally abusive and I don't see how that can't show up with the kids. If the OP is fulfilling everything the courts have said he should than its his business where he lives and how far he has to drive to see his son and no one else really should say anything. It appears as though he is a caring father in a difficult situation. If it were me I would fight for more custody and use her abusive behavior towards the OP as grounds.
GuyInLimbo Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I'd take her arse to court as well. But I can't fathom moving that far away and having only every other wknd. I would never do that, no matter how nuts the ex was.
coaches24 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I'd take her arse to court as well. But I can't fathom moving that far away and having only every other wknd. I would never do that, no matter how nuts the ex was. Yea I dont think I could make that choice either but I dont know all the details of the situation so Im not going to judge. At least he is trying to see them. Alot of fathers (and mothers) just walk away completely. 1
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