Horrible playground mums.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I doubt it cost her more than a few bucks unless this was a lavish catered affair. Now if it were a wedding, yeah, those do cost big bucks per person.

 

Some people throw big parties for their kids birthdays, my aunt being one of them. I'm just saying calling to say "hey I'm so sorry this this and this happened and (kids name) can't make it" isn't that hard, it would take a millisecond and save the other mom a ton of trouble.

[pink_sugar]

Some people throw big parties for their kids birthdays, my aunt being one of them. I'm just saying calling to say "hey I'm so sorry this this and this happened and (kids name) can't make it" isn't that hard, it would take a millisecond and save the other mom a ton of trouble.

 

In this case, the OP didn't have her phone number. Bad on the OP, but the other mom acted way out of hand. I can understand some annoyance, but move on. lol

[pureinheart]

I'm 22 and my daughter is 5 (6 in sept). I'm the introvert type so I find it difficult to talk to some of the more..."loud" mums. I prefer to just wait for my kid and not have to engage in idle chit chat. Add that to the fact I'm 22, covered in tatts and on the alternative side I don't really fit in.

 

Anyway, my daughter was invited to another girls party, the mum approached me and asked if she would be attending. I said yes. Cool, all sorted.

 

The day of the party comes and I get a phone call, mum has been taken to hospital I have to make a 2 hour trip to look after my sister and thus my daughter misses the party.

 

Fast forward to today and as I'm walking to the school, the mum approaches to me and proceeds to have a go, saying I was rude for not texting her, that I cost her money and she would of invited someone else. I said I was sorry, tried to explain what happened (to which she said she didn't believe) and I offered to pay. Then she said she had spoken to the other mums about me.

I felt like a naughty little school kid and just wanted to cry.

 

Just wanted to know if I was in the wrong..I really don't feel like I was but she made me feel like I had killed her dog or something. :[

 

What good would texting have done? Your mum was taken to the hospital on the same day...ok so she has a couple of hours to fill your "spot"...I would have told her to bite me! And also...Hey, thank you so much for jumping to conclusions, and yes, my mum is ok...

 

I'd avoid all of them like the plague...

[Leigh 87]

The mums reaction says more about HER than it does about YOU.

 

Her character is lacking. She is a nasty person. Sorry, but kind and decent women do not get snarky if your MUM is ill and you somehow forget to text them about a birthday party!

 

Yes, I too prefer that people text me if they pull out of plans. We all do, I am sure you prefer people to text you in advance of an event they pull out of.

 

The thing is though, genuinely KIND people who do not have energy for bitchyness and negativity? They at least talk to the person about it before making up their mind that "such and such did not attend the party and did not even text. She surely is a bitchhh omg, what do all you guys think, lets all tall crap about her"

 

These women are sad, jealous and bitter people. I feel very sorry for people like them.

 

Even the posters on here who agreed that you were in the wrong for NOT texting? Well, would they go as far as to bitch and moan about a women who did not show up? Really guys, do you not find it sad when people have the energy to bitch and talk badly about others? Good quality people DO NOT HAVE TIME to speak badly about others. A decent women would have just thought " okay, it was rude that she didn't turn up, but hey, I have BETTER THINGS TO DO than sit around and bitch about her to the other mums".

 

They are just losers, don't worry about them.

 

You owed them a text, but your mistake would not have warranted them btiching about you to each other and NOT accepting your explanation!

 

In fact, it is extremely nasty and a sign that the women is a true bitch, that she did not believe you! See, kind and decent women do not act that way.. They at LEAST hear what you have to say before turning totally nasty on you....

 

Nasty people are nasty people. Are nasty people.

 

Nice people are... nice people. They handle situations with more grace and kindness.

 

By the way, how is your mum? If I were the women, I would have been upset you did not show up and felt it was rude to not text me, however; I would have still happily saw you, smiled, and acted civil. I would have ASKED why you did not make it, before condemning you for it.

 

I would have been super concerned and empathetic. I have a mum, and I would be completely devastated if she went to the hospital. I would have asked if you were alright and suggested another play date with your kids, if you felt like it.

 

That is just me though!

 

I hope your mum is okay.

[tbf]

Sorry to hear about your mother. Hope she's okay.

 

I do agree with a few other members about the need to either decline when the emergency happened or to phone right afterwards and apologize.

 

What people are failing to realize is that parties can be costly, so the mother would be out of pocket for a child who didn't attend. When children are young, some mothers use the rule of thumb that for every year, one guest can be invited to their party. If this is the case, the little girl would have only been allowed five or six guests, depending on her age. If one or more guests didn't show, there would be only be five or fewer guests. Also not being considered is that this family might not have been very well off, so paying for a party might have been a big deal.

[pink_sugar]

Sorry to hear about your mother. Hope she's okay.

 

I do agree with a few other members about the need to either decline when the emergency happened or to phone right afterwards and apologize.

 

What people are failing to realize is that parties can be costly, so the mother would be out of pocket for a child who didn't attend. When children are young, some mothers use the rule of thumb that for every year, one guest can be invited to their party. If this is the case, the little girl would have only been allowed five or six guests, depending on her age. If one or more guests didn't show, there would be only be five or fewer guests. Also not being considered is that this family might not have been very well off, so paying for a party might have been a big deal.

 

My dad is throwing me a graduation party with minimal costs by getting the food from a warehouse and keeping a budget. Birthday parties should not be some lavish affair for a child....these are kids after all....not a 50th birthday for adults. When little kids are involved, anything could happen. People could not show up last minute. I suppose you could do your part and offer the mom to recoup any costs that were lost by your not being able to attend. That's all you can do at this point.

[tbf]

My dad is throwing me a graduation party with minimal costs by getting the food from a warehouse and keeping a budget. Birthday parties should not be some lavish affair for a child....these are kids after all....not a 50th birthday for adults. When little kids are involved, anything could happen. People could not show up last minute. I suppose you could do your part and offer the mom to recoup any costs that were lost by your not being able to attend. That's all you can do at this point.

While I can respect frugality, I don't understand why children's birthday parties MUST be frugal. Can you explain why the need for frugality or is this just a personal value?

 

As far as the reasoning that anything could happen, anything could happen for anyone, even adults. That's why the need for the RSVP.

[pureinheart]

The mums reaction says more about HER than it does about YOU.

 

Her character is lacking. She is a nasty person. Sorry, but kind and decent women do not get snarky if your MUM is ill and you somehow forget to text them about a birthday party!

 

Yes, I too prefer that people text me if they pull out of plans. We all do, I am sure you prefer people to text you in advance of an event they pull out of.

 

The thing is though, genuinely KIND people who do not have energy for bitchyness and negativity? They at least talk to the person about it before making up their mind that "such and such did not attend the party and did not even text. She surely is a bitchhh omg, what do all you guys think, lets all tall crap about her"

 

These women are sad, jealous and bitter people. I feel very sorry for people like them.

 

Even the posters on here who agreed that you were in the wrong for NOT texting? Well, would they go as far as to bitch and moan about a women who did not show up? Really guys, do you not find it sad when people have the energy to bitch and talk badly about others? Good quality people DO NOT HAVE TIME to speak badly about others. A decent women would have just thought " okay, it was rude that she didn't turn up, but hey, I have BETTER THINGS TO DO than sit around and bitch about her to the other mums".

 

They are just losers, don't worry about them.

 

You owed them a text, but your mistake would not have warranted them btiching about you to each other and NOT accepting your explanation!

 

In fact, it is extremely nasty and a sign that the women is a true bitch, that she did not believe you! See, kind and decent women do not act that way.. They at LEAST hear what you have to say before turning totally nasty on you....

 

Nasty people are nasty people. Are nasty people.

 

Nice people are... nice people. They handle situations with more grace and kindness.

 

By the way, how is your mum? If I were the women, I would have been upset you did not show up and felt it was rude to not text me, however; I would have still happily saw you, smiled, and acted civil. I would have ASKED why you did not make it, before condemning you for it.

 

I would have been super concerned and empathetic. I have a mum, and I would be completely devastated if she went to the hospital. I would have asked if you were alright and suggested another play date with your kids, if you felt like it.

 

That is just me though!

 

I hope your mum is okay.

 

Thank. You. Every word was great so bolding any of it for possitive emphasis would be ...you know...bolding the whole post. My first words to OP would have been, "is everything ok?"

Edited June 8, 2013 by pureinheart

[Leigh 87]

Exactly. I mean come on, her mum was in HOSPITAL. I mean geez women, you not only did not have any regard for her mother; you flat out said she was LYING about it.

 

Seriously, that women is not a nice person! Nice people, genuinely nice people who care a lot about other peoples feelings, just don't tell people to their faces that they are making up lies about their own mother being in hospital:sick:

 

No one is denying that the OP should have texted or rang and got her number from the invite and kept it handy in case of an emergency where her child could not make it to the party.

 

It is the other mothers reactions that are more telling of who THEY are as people. The OP did not deserve to be shut down about her mother being hospital!

 

Any normal person who had empathy for other people, would have shown at least SOME concern about her mum being in hospital.

 

I am stunned that so many posters felt the mothers attitude was in any way deserved.

 

Would anyone on HERE actually act that way towards a mum who yes, forgot to RSVP you, but who's mum was in hospital?!?!?!

[tbf]

to which she said she didn't believe

 

Did you read this part, Leigh?

[Leigh 87]

Did you read this part, Leigh?

 

 

 

The mother of the daughter who had the birthday, said she did not believe the OP when she explained her mother was ill?

 

Am I reading it correctly?

[todreaminblue]

Exactly. I mean come on, her mum was in HOSPITAL. I mean geez women, you not only did not have any regard for her mother; you flat out said she was LYING about it.

 

Seriously, that women is not a nice person! Nice people, genuinely nice people who care a lot about other peoples feelings, just don't tell people to their faces that they are making up lies about their own mother being in hospital:sick:

 

No one is denying that the OP should have texted or rang and got her number from the invite and kept it handy in case of an emergency where her child could not make it to the party.

 

It is the other mothers reactions that are more telling of who THEY are as people. The OP did not deserve to be shut down about her mother being hospital!

 

Any normal person who had empathy for other people, would have shown at least SOME concern about her mum being in hospital.

 

I am stunned that so many posters felt the mothers attitude was in any way deserved.

 

Would anyone on HERE actually act that way towards a mum who yes, forgot to RSVP you, but who's mum was in hospital?!?!?!

 

 

No I think as a mother we should understand, villifying a mother because she didnt rsvp before a children's birthday party...not rsvping might piss some off a bit..it doesnt piss me off..... when people dont get back to me when i have had parties for my kids i assume they are not coming.......but thats me......the only time i have been truly angry at a mother and what i discussed with her was done in private and not repeated until now.....is when her husband slapped my child for reaching to take another piece of bread on a sleep over....and i wasnt angry at her.....more so the husband.....and i didnt allow my child to sleep over at her place....but continued to have my childs friend sleep over at mine instead...and i remianed friends with the mother..deb

[tbf]

The mother of the daughter who had the birthday, said she did not believe the OP when she explained her mother was ill?

 

Am I reading it correctly?

Correct. Go back to the opening post. My extraction came from it.

[Leigh 87]

Deb - I am not a mother but I look after young children as a nanny occasionally. I too, can see why you had a talk with that mother. It is not like you were belligerent though, and accusatory of HER personally, though. The OP was attacked on her character. The mother did not believe her story!

 

Tbf - that is precisely my point. The mothers reaction WAS horrible. I would never react that way, even to a person who pulled out of a really special event; I would wait to see what she had to say first, before vilifying her!

[pureinheart]

No I think as a mother we should understand, villifying a mother because she didnt rsvp before a children's birthday party...not rsvping might piss some off a bit..it doesnt piss me off..... when people dont get back to me when i have had parties for my kids i assume they are not coming.......but thats me......the only time i have been truly angry at a mother and what i discussed with her was done in private and not repeated until now.....is when her husband slapped my child for reaching to take another piece of bread on a sleep over....and i wasnt angry at her.....more so the husband.....and i didnt allow my child to sleep over at her place....but continued to have my childs friend sleep over at mine instead...and i remianed friends with the mother..deb

 

I don't trip either and it's not uncommon to spend massive amounts on my grandkids birthdays, as I have a really big family. If only half should show up, then there's lots of leftovers.

 

Even with smaller parties, I always figure something must have come up if a person doesn't show...

 

GF, I would not be happy about my kid or grandkids getting smacked for something as minute as a piece of bread- ridiculous...he has issues.

 

Hey, my grandkids last birthday party...we all had a cake fight- glad it was a big cake.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Exactly. I mean come on, her mum was in HOSPITAL. I mean geez women, you not only did not have any regard for her mother; you flat out said she was LYING about it.

 

Seriously, that women is not a nice person! Nice people, genuinely nice people who care a lot about other peoples feelings, just don't tell people to their faces that they are making up lies about their own mother being in hospital:sick:

 

No one is denying that the OP should have texted or rang and got her number from the invite and kept it handy in case of an emergency where her child could not make it to the party.

 

It is the other mothers reactions that are more telling of who THEY are as people. The OP did not deserve to be shut down about her mother being hospital!

 

Any normal person who had empathy for other people, would have shown at least SOME concern about her mum being in hospital.

 

I am stunned that so many posters felt the mothers attitude was in any way deserved.

 

Would anyone on HERE actually act that way towards a mum who yes, forgot to RSVP you, but who's mum was in hospital?!?!?!

 

To answer that question of yours at the bottom, yes I would because I would be pretty mad that there was no call and no show and I had to pay for someone who didnt attend. I probably would have at least asked about how her mom was though.

[todreaminblue]

Deb - I am not a mother but I look after young children as a nanny occasionally. I too, can see why you had a talk with that mother. It is not like you were belligerent though, and accusatory of HER personally, though. The OP was attacked on her character. The mother did not believe her story!

 

Tbf - that is precisely my point. The mothers reaction WAS horrible. I would never react that way, even to a person who pulled out of a really special event; I would wait to see what she had to say first, before vilifying her!

 

 

i totally agree with you leigh i think the party mum acted maliciously actually..making threats about telling other mothers etc...is vindictive and malicious....spiteful in my opinion and then to be dispassionately ignorant about the ops mother.... i don't see the reason for that ...she acted without compassion....

 

 

i was stating my story for a reason i was angry ......and even then i wasnt angry at the mother..and you are right i havent ever treated anothe rmother of my kids friends with belligerance....i spoke to her in private and didnt try to embarrass her in a school playground and we worked it out like adults......that is what i was trying to point out...

 

 

 

how are we supposed to teach children to work things out the right way in the playground...if we as mothers dont follow through with being compassionate and considerate with people or other mothers....telling the op she was going to make sure she spread the word is a bullying tactic...more inappropriate than not messaging back........pretty childish one actually.....and bullying behavior is a zero tolerance thing for kids in the school environment....should be made for mothers of kids in school too i reckon...zero tolerance..........deb

[SpiralOut]

It sounds like the party mother has no class. It's understandable to be upset, but it's not necessary to tell someone "oh I told all the other mothers about what you did." Give me a break.

 

Keep it classy, OP. Maybe if this woman is lucky, some of it will rub off onto her.

[xxoo]

An RSVP is important, but calling the day of to cancel due to an emergency won't help with party planning. A host can not in good taste call up another family and invite another child to fill a spot that day.

 

It sounds like she assumed that you blew the party off, and that assumption informed how she handled the discussion. She may have been more understanding with timelier notice (calling to apologize and explain when possible). If you didn't make any effort to explain before you ran into each other again, that may have reinforced her assumption that you blew the party off.

[tbf]

Deb - I am not a mother but I look after young children as a nanny occasionally. I too, can see why you had a talk with that mother. It is not like you were belligerent though, and accusatory of HER personally, though. The OP was attacked on her character. The mother did not believe her story!

 

Tbf - that is precisely my point. The mothers reaction WAS horrible. I would never react that way, even to a person who pulled out of a really special event; I would wait to see what she had to say first, before vilifying her!

Consider your current stance based on the telling of one side of the story, by one side of the story. Apparently the mother who hosted the birthday party is a villain, even though the initial injustice was inflicted upon her and her child.

[Leigh 87]

Consider your current stance based on the telling of one side of the story, by one side of the story. Apparently the mother who hosted the birthday party is a villain, even though the initial injustice was inflicted upon her and her child.

 

 

But it is not my style to just go up and confront people in an aggressive and nasty manner.

 

If someone blows off an event I invited them to, without even letting me know, I would still not have a go at them the next time I walked past them.

 

Who has a go at people like that? Seriously?

 

Why not calmly just walk up to them and mention that they were not at he party?

 

Sheesh. No need to confront them in an angry manner. People who do this have negative energy that they spew out at other people.

 

If you have a go at people, you are mean spirited. Sorry but the only time a positive and happy person should have a go at other people, is when something SERIOUSLY bad is done!

 

For instance; if someone tried to sleep with your husband, steal your possessions or talk badly about your good friends or family? Then yes, perhaps some tense words should be exchanged.

 

Not turning up for a kiddies birthday party? No need to get nasty at people. ANYONE who would actually raise their voice or sound nasty towards the OP, is just not a very nice person in my opinion.

 

I do not like people with negative energy, who yell and act nasty towards others. Unless they are defending their friends or family against someone that is attacking them.

 

That is just my belief. You're free to think that people like the horrible playground mums are lovely women. I happen to think that truly lovely people are positive people, who do not waste their precious energy being nasty towards others UNLESS it is really called for.

 

I am a friendly and positive person. I feel sorry for people who have anger in them that they have to take out on other people for not good reason.

[pink_sugar]

While I can respect frugality, I don't understand why children's birthday parties MUST be frugal. Can you explain why the need for frugality or is this just a personal value?

 

As far as the reasoning that anything could happen, anything could happen for anyone, even adults. That's why the need for the RSVP.

 

Nope, not saying that necessarily. But if you're that broke where one person not showing up will absolutely break the bank, you shouldn't invest too much into a birthday party.

 

I had a few relatives not show towards the last minute. I did get a call an hour before the party being notified of the cancellation....thankfully the party was a pay it your own dinner, so no money lost.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Nope, not saying that necessarily. But if you're that broke where one person not showing up will absolutely break the bank, you shouldn't invest too much into a birthday party.

 

I had a few relatives not show towards the last minute. I did get a call an hour before the party being notified of the cancellation....thankfully the party was a pay it your own dinner, so no money lost.

 

It's not even a matter of being "broke" or not, it is the fact that she didnt even have the decency to call the woman. That would annoy me too, I mean again why would you send you kid to someone's house when you don't even know the mothers number? That would be the first thing I got from her when she invited me.

[hppr]

If you want really bad go to kid's sports games and watch the dads. They'll run the bases with their 5-6 year old kids, drink beer, heckle the other team, fistfight in the parking lot. Pretty funny if you ask me.

[2sure]

I've had and been to a million children's bd parties with my now 17 year old girl. I've had big ones and invited her whole class, teams, etc. and it matters not who shows up and doesn't. And I've had smaller ones at venues that have a body limit , or an event with per person reservations, and a limo. So, sometimes one kid not showing up means someone else who could have been invited also didn't get to come. Emergencies happen, you have to deal with it. A call or text should have been ASAP to apologize , within 24 hours. I've had to do it myself.

 

If the mom was so nasty about it, forget her. If your kid ends up being friends with hers you have to extend an invitation for a fabulous play date to make up .

 

That's it.