SadHumiliated Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 ...keeps trying to be friendly with me and keeps trying to make conversation. Recap...we all are in the same small grad program. We all work in the same area...but she, he, and I don't have to work on anything at all together. I sent her a "please give me space" email about a week ago, and when I caught him cheating initially(about two months ago) I also asked her to stay away from me. Again I have zero contact with him. She doesn't get it. We aren't friends. I have no respect for her. She's either trying damage control(I've finally opened up about what happened to my close close friends here), she's purposely trying to hurt me(you won I get it), or she's so needy she can't stand the thought of someone not liking her. She is a pretty insecure person in general, and I know she does try really really hard to be likable. I am not the same way. My friendships are all slow burns. Most people think I'm very standoffish until they get to know me, then they tend to really love me. How else should I deal with this ****? I've done the ignoring part. Could someone be this dense?
Author SadHumiliated Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 This isn't electronically. This is in person...at school. She'll come up to my desk and start talking and stand there until I look up from my work.
will1988 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Tell her to respect your space and that you have nothing further to talk about... if she continues, tell her she is not your friend anymore and you wish she would stay out of your life. 1
BustedUpInside Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 This isn't electronically. This is in person...at school. She'll come up to my desk and start talking and stand there until I look up from my work. Normally, I would advocate for the direct approach, but it seems like you have already tried that route. You have been as polite as can be expected in this situation and so my advice would be to try something different. If it were me, I would have one of my friends tell her to leave me alone. Obviously, you aren't having the impact that you hoped and I think this is one of those rare occasions when having an outside person intervene could be the right way to go. Your only other option is to ask the ex to keep her away, but I don't think you want to do that. Hopefully you can find a way to get her to leave you alone because it is not fair that you would have to deal with that when you are just trying to cope and get an education.
Chi townD Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 So, what's she doing? Sending you the, "Hey! How are you?" texts? Dude, just keep ignoring her. As a matter of fact, call your carrieer and have her number blocked. Make sure you block her on FB. Her problem is, is that she's having a hard time knowing that there's a person on this planet that doesn't think that she's not a nice person. That's burning her ass. Keep ignoring her, sooner or later, she'll but a clue.
CorridorE Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 If she's being so dense, just tell her what she can't mistake for anything else. Tell her you two are not friends, and you will never be friends. Tell her you don't wish to speak with her and don't appriciate her hanging around you, and are sure she can understand and respect why that is. Don't say "please give me space." Say "I don't want to be your friend. Please leave me alone." 1
ViolaSwamp Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 If this girl was interested in being a true friend or genuine to you she would have never slept with your ex while you were still together. Her need for your acceptance is based on her own guilt because it validates her. You have no need to be nice to her because at the end of the day her needs are still all about her and her own ego boost. Additionally, you've emailed her already about this and shes continually disrespecting your boundaries. Dont accept that. you've been disrespected by her enough, now this after the fact? Why give her the satisfaction of even replying or acknowledging her as a person. People like that crave attention good or bad and the worst/best thing you can ever do to them is completely ignore them. If she approaches you, get up and walk away. If she sneaks up and blindsides you with a her company either tell her to get away from you or excuse yourself immediately. Dont be nice, dont be polite. Otherwise shell continue to abuse your boundaries. Dont let her kick your walls down so she can feel better about her wrongdoings against you. 1
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