I broke NC and feel better

[dreamliver7]

Today i committed the "cardinal sin" of contacting my ex after 4 months of breaking up and more than 2.5 months of NC. I am basically a blindsided dumpee to explain things in short.

 

I was restraining hard since yesterday but finally gave in to whatever that gut feeling is. I texted her and heard back from her after 20 odd mins. It was a 2 hour long call where we both got emotional and discussed how the last few months have been. She was still clear about not wanting to change the decision and I was surprisingly at ease with it. It almost felt like that there was a ego tussle of sorts as to who would break the ice first since we had so much to talk about. I don't know how i am going to feel abt it tomorrow or in the next few days but I somehow feel lighter breaking NC. It actually helped bring that person down from the pedestal as I realized her immaturity about some of the reasons she gave for acting the way she did. For some reason things make more sense to me now than they did a few months ago. Maybe it was because of the NC that I maintained with her that helped me take a step back and be able to see things clearly now.

 

Whatever it is, and fingers crossed, I am a lot more relaxed than I have been in the last few days. I'll admit I did feel very very guilty as soon as I hit send but I'd like to believe I feel better at the moment.

 

I am open to what you folks on the forum feel about this. I am definitely not advocating fellow dumpees to break NC but I feel that maybe if done at the right time and with some luck with your ex responding it may help you see a fresh side of things that your mind doesn't allow you to imagine. It somehow makes you thing as they are rather than vague thoughts that are mostly about your ex having the time of her life and you sulking into darkness and emptiness.

Edited June 3, 2013 by dreamliver7

[Chi townD]

Hey if it helped you, then fine. Although, I would love to hear from you in a few days when the high of hearing her voice and hearing the crocodile tears wears off. Basically, you brought the thought of her to the front of your mind again and she doesn't belong there. I specualte in a few days your thoughts are still going to be on her and stronger than what they were when you were still 4 months into NC.

[dreamliver7]

Hey if it helped you, then fine. Although, I would love to hear from you in a few days when the high of hearing her voice and hearing the crocodile tears wears off. Basically, you brought the thought of her to the front of your mind again and she doesn't belong there. I specualte in a few days your thoughts are still going to be on her and stronger than what they were when you were still 4 months into NC.

I have my fingers crossed and hope this is a longer term realization for me rather than a short term high. I also made sure I wrote down what i felt about her today in terms of her lack of maturity, short-sightedness and letting a near perfect relationship go for trivial reasons. The hurt of the relationship not going through as I had imagined it to be obviously hurts and will hurt for a while but being able to not idolize the person as a Goddess and see them as they are with obvious shortcomings helps... even though it sounds bad to be happy about seeing the other person as not perfect it still somehow helps as a much needed reality check

[CelticGibson]

Chi TownD is right. This is most likely a high before the crash. You realise that you reset your No Contact to the very start by doing this don't you? Whether you see them as less than perfect now doesn't lessen the fact that you had a two hour emotional call with her. If it didn't really matter as much as you say, you would not have had that call last as long as it did. Not coming down on you or anything but it's important to recognise that this may have been the case. See how you feel a week from now...

[Maleficent]

Today i committed the "cardinal sin" of contacting my ex after 4 months of breaking up and more than 2.5 months of NC. I am basically a blindsided dumpee to explain things in short.

 

I was restraining hard since yesterday but finally gave in to whatever that gut feeling is. I texted her and heard back from her after 20 odd mins. It was a 2 hour long call where we both got emotional and discussed how the last few months have been. She was still clear about not wanting to change the decision and I was surprisingly at ease with it. It almost felt like that there was a ego tussle of sorts as to who would break the ice first since we had so much to talk about. I don't know how i am going to feel abt it tomorrow or in the next few days but I somehow feel lighter breaking NC. It actually helped bring that person down from the pedestal as I realized her immaturity about some of the reasons she gave for acting the way she did. For some reason things make more sense to me now than they did a few months ago. Maybe it was because of the NC that I maintained with her that helped me take a step back and be able to see things clearly now.

 

Whatever it is, and fingers crossed, I am a lot more relaxed than I have been in the last few days. I'll admit I did feel very very guilty as soon as I hit send but I'd like to believe I feel better at the moment.

 

I am open to what you folks on the forum feel about this. I am definitely not advocating fellow dumpees to break NC but I feel that maybe if done at the right time and with some luck with your ex responding it may help you see a fresh side of things that your mind doesn't allow you to imagine. It somehow makes you thing as they are rather than vague thoughts that are mostly about your ex having the time of her life and you sulking into darkness and emptiness.

 

This is called closure my friend. You'll be fine.

[BustedUpInside]

It doesn't sound like you are hoping for anything else after this conversation, so I agree that it seems like you just needed to have one final talk before shutting the door for good.

 

If you feel better about it, then it was probably the right thing to do. I like how you acknowledge that this is probably not the right course for everyone, but if it worked for you, then more power to you!!

[dreamliver7]

Thank you all for your views... Either ways, I am going to stop by this thread and confirm how I feel in a few days... I am obviously not expecting myself to be in a constant state of peace (wouldn't i love it!) but i do definitely want to build on what I learnt yesterday and not let my mind wander off too much into darkness.

 

I do agree that I have taken a huge risk by breaking NC but for the moment it seems to have worked.

 

I give my love to all of you kind hearts and hugs to those who are going through a similar tough period in their lives.

[totallylost5040]

I think its because you waited that long and were able to put yourself and your emotions into perspective!! I'm going through the same thing right now, I'm trying to do the NC thing and just trying to heal and make sure I can forget about the past relationship.

 

Before even TRYING or to start a new one with the ex girl or another one. I think its a good thing, I think you were ready to do that, because your heart was closed and didn'dt expect anything

[dreamliver7]

I think its because you waited that long and were able to put yourself and your emotions into perspective!! I'm going through the same thing right now, I'm trying to do the NC thing and just trying to heal and make sure I can forget about the past relationship.

 

Before even TRYING or to start a new one with the ex girl or another one. I think its a good thing, I think you were ready to do that, because your heart was closed and didn'dt expect anything

This one never gets old my friend - What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You'll be stronger and better after this. God bless!

[dreamliver7]

Guys, I just wanted to provide an update to you all since it's been a few days... i am glad i made that 1 contact and i feel a lot more relaxed. i am able to focus on the other things a lot better and do not feel pre-occupied with thoughts all the time.