Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I totally understand what you're saying. However, Jerk and I have corresponded behind closed doors such that I know he can... loosen up, and be more dating, than he has in his profile. I meant more DARING. My typos are seriously off the charts lately. 2
Vinegar Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 on match.com I try to look at everyones profile who winked at me. I don't get picky about the emails they send me until about three or four emails in. I try to give most guys shot if I like their page. 1
Author Imajerk17 Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Man so much great stuff here. Meanwhile ladies what do you feel is a connection? What would it take for you to consider a second date? I am usually quite good on the phone. Most of the time it is a well-flowing 45-minute conversation. 1
hopelesscaliguy86 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 My online dating experience has been... "interesting". Despite a well-written profile and good first emails only 10% of women respond. And very often (over 50% of the time) when we go out there is no chemistry. So this weekend I did something I usually don't do... I went out to a bar. Met one girl and we had our arms around each other in 15 minutes. And she is taller than I am. I'm confused. Girls on match don't go for guys shorter than they. And how come there is chemistry with girls I meet in real life but not on Match? I'm the same guy! The only thing that I can think of is that I go for what I want. I'm not the smoothest talker in the world--I'm an engineer-type which might hinder me in that department haha. At any rate I needed the boost. Met another girl last night who is 10 years younger and taller than I am and again I had my arms around her and we exchanged numbers. (She is suppa suppa smart too!) Girls like that hardly ever write me back online. Still though, very confusing. What gives?? Don't be discouraged. I also had the same experience in POF. It used to be something innocent or an easy place to hook up with, but now that it's infested with creepy guys it's harder to hook up and the ladies are more demanding as to what theyr'e looking for or just fed up that they get real picky. Take it from me I closed my account and started doing it the old school way by going to a bar myself and I've been able to get more numbers and hook ups this way than through online. 1
irc333 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Of course. I've been saying this for years but no-one listens. You waste way less time face to face than over OLD. You can't tell what someone is like from a photo and a wall of text Yes, women are more than likely to date the SAME guy they met in only one venue. They'd easily have NO problem dismissing a man online , but more than likely will date the SAME men she met in person. Happened with someone I knew, he did the usually "send the email to a woman only to get ignored" routine. Later, he went to some street fest, spotted her there, and approached her, chatted her up....and got her #. They dated a few times, and revealed he knew her from a dating site, and DID email her. She was quite surprised, didn't even recognize him, she said "oh man, I would'n't have ignored you, if I knew you!" LOL 1
Emilia Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Yes, women are more than likely to date the SAME guy they met in only one venue. They'd easily have NO problem dismissing a man online , but more than likely will date the SAME men she met in person. Happened with someone I knew, he did the usually "send the email to a woman only to get ignored" routine. Later, he went to some street fest, spotted her there, and approached her, chatted her up....and got her #. They dated a few times, and revealed he knew her from a dating site, and DID email her. She was quite surprised, didn't even recognize him, she said "oh man, I would'n't have ignored you, if I knew you!" LOL Completely plausible. I think most people (myself included) are so concerned about coming across in a desirable way that we don't necessarily reflect truthfully who we are thus missing possible connections. I don't mean lies. I just mean being overtly image conscious, trying to sell. We go on dates completely wasting our time instead of looking for real life potentials where we can tell straight away whether it's on or off. I find I prefer to put my energies into getting to know people in a different way rather than in an artificial, structured environment such as OLD. But then again I don't date in the traditional way so I guess it makes sense. The idea of going on 50 coffee dates in few months is 1
USMCHokie Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I am usually quite good on the phone. Most of the time it is a well-flowing 45-minute conversation. My honest opinion of this is that if you're not well beyond the initial dating phase, keep phone conversations short and limit the topics to setting up dates. I'd prefer her initial impressions of me to include the non-verbal communication that you can only get in person.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 My honest opinion of this is that if you're not well beyond the initial dating phase, keep phone conversations short and limit the topics to setting up dates. I'd prefer her initial impressions of me to include the non-verbal communication that you can only get in person. Every woman will be different. It's best to take your cues from her rather than following arbitrary rules. For me, the dates who made the most progress were those who made a point of connecting between dates, not just on dates. I don't think I ever had a phone call that lasted under an hour.
StanMusial Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 When I was on there, I had no success at all. My friend kept telling me, "But you're the cutest guy on there!" She knew me though and it was her bright idea for me to try it. It's not for everyone that's for sure. I think if you're looking for something more serious it is better to meet through acquaintances. If you're looking to date around and you like to drink and have fun then hit up the bars and enjoy the company of some hot young ladies. If you're just plain lazy or have something to hide or whatnot and are fairly goodlooking, by all means go for OLD. 1
Ed the 3rd Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 The bar scene is INFINITELY better then any OLD site. 2
Robert Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 on topic posts please, this is not a thread about height or weight. Thanks
StanMusial Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Why didn't she date you? We did go out twice years ago, I didn't want to date her anymore but she wouldn't stop texting me so we became friends.
soccerrprp Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 If you're just plain lazy or have something to hide or whatnot and are fairly goodlooking, by all means go for OLD. Well, it's true that it's not for everyone, but I'm none of these and I have had reasonable success with it. All the ladies I've met seemed serious about having a relationship. 1
Xinreeki Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 (edited) The bar scene is INFINITELY better then any OLD site. Depends on your personality type. If you are highly introverted, and have a flare for constructing tantalizingly quirky and charismatically eye-catching messages of musings (assembled around the target profile)... then OLD can be a great way to help you show off your fundamental self-hood. For the shyer among us, it also gives us the opportunity to get to know our fellow object of affection(s), before heading out to meet them for real. But if you are referring to the OP's query, then yes, I agree with you. As it is clear Imajerk has amassed plenty of previous success stories in the bar scene, and evidently has no problems with shyness, thus he will likely have better luck in bars, and be better able to show off his true self-hood IRL. If however, he is not having the success he wants in the bar scene, then OLD could help him find that special someone. He just has to find the right words to mix into his messages, tailor his musings to his desired targets and then assemble those musings in the most "response inspiring manner" he can feasibly fathom. While of course, simultaneously infusing those musings with his own unique perspectives and personality style. Edited June 4, 2013 by Xinreeki 1
salparadise Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Well, it's true that it's not for everyone, but I'm none of these and I have had reasonable success with it. All the ladies I've met seemed serious about having a relationship. I agree. It's not a matter of one being better or worse in an absolute sense, it's which one provides more opportunity for a given individual. Cutiepie1976 assessed the inherent differences well in post #13 of this thread. If you're a charmer IRL, and are able to use that to override being short, etc., then perhaps you'll do best in the bar scene. If you write well and your stats look good on paper then perhaps you'll do ok with OLD. For me, OLD works better for these reasons, plus the fact that since I'm older my demographic is not typically found hanging out half lubricated in bars looking to get picked up. The venue tends to act as a filter... if you're picking up women in bars, then you'll automatically be selecting from the subset of women who like being picked up at the meat market and perhaps more open to one-night-stands. On dating sites you're more likely to find women who don't go to bars, don't get naked on the first date, and are looking for relationships. 2
USMCHokie Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 If you are highly introverted, and have a flare for constructing tantalizingly quirky and charismatically eye-catching messages of musings (assembled around the target profile)... then OLD can be a great way to help you show off your fundamental self-hood. For the shyer among us, it also gives us the opportunity to get to know our fellow object of affection(s), before heading out to meet them for real. I think this comes with its limitations. For those who are highly introverted, OLD can be a way to build comfort in social situations, but unless you are able to make changes to actually be more sociable, OLD won't solve the problem. You may appear to be this amazing, hilarious, and well-spoken guy via prose, but when you meet face to face and are the same ol' introverted guy who can barely string three sentences together without staring at his feet...I'm sure women will not be pleased. 2
Ed the 3rd Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Until you want a relationship then they are similarly bad. Except with men you can actually get somewhere in the Bar scene in the first place. OLD is a womans meat market. If you aren't the finest chop in the shop there's no point. Its self esteem destroying for some people but real life isn't like that.
Ed the 3rd Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Depends on your personality type. If you are highly introverted, and have a flare for constructing tantalizingly quirky and charismatically eye-catching messages of musings (assembled around the target profile)... then OLD can be a great way to help you show off your fundamental self-hood. For the shyer among us, it also gives us the opportunity to get to know our fellow object of affection(s), before heading out to meet them for real. But if you are referring to the OP's query, then yes, I agree with you. As it is clear Imajerk has amassed plenty of previous success stories in the bar scene, and evidently has no problems with shyness, thus he will likely have better luck in bars, and be better able to show off his true self-hood IRL. If however, he is not having the success he wants in the bar scene, then OLD could help him find that special someone. He just has to find the right words to mix into his messages, tailor his musings to his desired targets and then assemble those musings in the most "response inspiring manner" he can feasibly fathom. While of course, simultaneously infusing those musings with his own unique perspectives and personality style. Luckily for me any drop of alcohol will utterly obliterate my shyness. People have been flabbergasted by the transformation.
GravityMan Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 (edited) There's one possible issue I see with this, and it's what I like to call the "Cyrano syndrome"...and it's one of the inherent "weaknesses" of OLD, and that is, a profile that doesn't match the person in real life. Anyone can pull a canned profile from anywhere (and I've seen paid services where they give you a profile), but it doesn't necessarily mean it reflects that person. Agreed with this (and your entire post). I'd also add that some people simply STRUGGLE to describe and express themselves well over any kind of textual format, be it a profile, emails, online chats. They're much more comfortable talking about themselves in person and/or over the phone. The converse is true for some other people. This is one reason why I don't like blanket-recommending online dating to a wide swath of people...e.g. all shy people who struggle meeting women. I'd want to know how effective he is at online communication beforehand...is he adept at showing his witty side in a short text, for example. If OP was to get profile "advice" from someone else who has a superior profile, it might help to pull in more "bites," but if he can't match it with his own messages or worse, in person, then he will only instill disappointment from the girl(s). They'll expect this eloquent, funny, and witty guy and get a fuddy duddy. It's no different from seeing pictures of someone from 10 years ago and getting something else in real life. False advertising. Good point. Advice, even genuinely good advice, can be taken too far. One has to know themselves well enough to take a look at their revised profile and recognize that "hey, it's better and it might get me more attention...but it just doesn't sound like ME." Like others said, the screening phone call can help the woman sense a suspicious mismatch. Likewise with Skype over webcam. Additionally, writing something behind a computer screen with unlimited time in the world can often be vastly different from speaking with them face-to-face. True. I think it's possible to tell whether an email reads like he spent way too much time, thought and effort composing it. It feels forced, too "perfect", and unnatural. The person's trying too hard to make it sound just right. (Likewise with the profile.) The screening strategy helps here too. Over phone or webcam, one has to be "in the moment" and think on their feet. The person can't waste time thinking about what he's going to say during the conversation. In summary...OLD may not be a good idea for those guys who aren't effective (and quick) at expressing themselves online (ideally in a lighthearted humorous way). They would be better off IRL...but if they aren't decent conversationalists there either, then some self-improvement may be needed before they date. Edited June 4, 2013 by GravityMan typo 2
Xinreeki Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I think this comes with its limitations. For those who are highly introverted, OLD can be a way to build comfort in social situations, but unless you are able to make changes to actually be more sociable, OLD won't solve the problem. You may appear to be this amazing, hilarious, and well-spoken guy via prose, but when you meet face to face and are the same ol' introverted guy who can barely string three sentences together without staring at his feet...I'm sure women will not be pleased. Well... that would depend on the woman of course. If the woman is just as introverted (as I am) then it can work out wonderfully (as it did for me and my bf). But I agree, it will depend on the woman too and on her personality type. 1
Xinreeki Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Luckily for me any drop of alcohol will utterly obliterate my shyness. People have been flabbergasted by the transformation. Well thats great then. Whatever works for you. If it helps you to be more confident around women and helps you to show off your true self, then you have to use it to your advantage. Just don't go overboard and end up drinking too much each time.. 1
Author Imajerk17 Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Thanks everyone for the responses. Anyway my goals are to be a more effective dater period. Not necessarily online. I really am on a quest to (a) understand and get better with women and people and (b) meet someone amazing. Anyway, this is now my burning question to the women... What is it that makes you willing to go on a second date with a guy? How do you define a connection? I know it is more than just a nice conversation that flows well... 4
Emilia Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Anyway, this is now my burning question to the women... What is it that makes you willing to go on a second date with a guy? How do you define a connection? I know it is more than just a nice conversation that flows well... I have to find him likeable and fancy him sexually. Attraction is quite complex so 'fancying him' doesn't mean perfect physical looks. It's that elusive thing that either exists between two people or it doesn't. However, I can be attracted to someone and still not want to date him if I don't think he is nice enough. 2
KathyM Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I think it makes sense to try as many avenues as possible to find the right person. Why limit yourself? Some methods may be more successful than others, but you never know when the right person is going to post a profile or walk into your life some other way. Might as well try every possible method. OLD gives you information about who is looking to date, you can see all their information upfront, and it's all pretty easy to contact or respond to someone. Of course, if you've been doing OLD for several months and never met anyone worth dating, I could see throwing in the towel on that, but if you've had limited success, why stop there? I know several people who have found their SO through OLD. And they are not all really attractive. Some are Average Joes. Some not even that, but they had something about them that interested someone else, so it was successful for them. 2
hppr Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Except with men you can actually get somewhere in the Bar scene in the first place. OLD is a womans meat market. If you aren't the finest chop in the shop there's no point. Its self esteem destroying for some people but real life isn't like that. I found that as well, sort of. The key is to not take it seriously, I mean you are messaging girls who could have fake pics and horrible lives for all you know. Really, most online dating sites are meat markets and you have to know how to work that sort of setting to get dates. I figured it out, it wasn't that hard really, just part of playing the field. 1
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