Treasa Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 It sounds like you're doing pretty damn well. Keep it up! 2
Maleficent Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I can imagine people being less eager to answer messages on OLD sites. I mean it's not like IRL, you meet someone, you like someone, you want to hang out with said someone and it turns into dating said someone. Whereas OLD, you're kind of stuck jumping right to the dating.
Xinreeki Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 That's really not true. The conversations I have online are as varied as the conversations in bars. It really depends on how I'm approached. Most of it has to do with the initial email. "Hi" or "What's up?" gets you nowhere, even if you're a Ryan Reynolds clone and your profile is awesome. "Hi, I liked your profile. Care to chat?" or "You're really pretty!" also gets you nowhere. Writing me something witty that I can relate to and that also shows me that you read my profile and relate to it in some way, or some cute comment that makes me laugh or smile? If I'm available and not otherwise distracted with someone else? Even if your profile is just average, you can bet you'll get a response, and a nice one at that. Pretend you just saw my profile and are contacting me. What do you write in your message to me? Word for word. Star Gazer gives excellent advice! This approach is EXACTLY what got me to respond to my current bf's first online message to me. Indeed ALL the messages I responded to when I did OLD were ones that had a "spark of wit" about them, that tied in with the things I mentioned on my profile, in a style that was laid back and relatable. And the more random and whimsical the message, the more I felt inspired to conjure up my own metaphor-laden, zoggledy-gookerish messages in response. Of course all women will be different, and will mention different things on their profiles... you just have to try and find some common ground, and talk about things in a light-hearted, laid-back way, mixing your own random thoughts about things into your messages when they materialize in your coconut. 3
Star Gazer Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Damn SG you're going to give me coaching too... Awesome and thank you Star Gazer! This is an email I sent a girl...she said she loves doing cartwheels... Can you really still do them? Cartwheels. Most people can't. If you can I am impressed. If we meet up I might have you demonstrate though [laughs]. Well I think you more or less described me, and I am from New England too. Although I do drive too fast from time to time...hey I'm Italian! I like what you have to say and I look forward to hearing back from you... Jerk I'm not her, and I haven't seen her profile, so I can't evaluate what you wrote to her. This is why I asked you to write a hypothetical email to *me*. That said, your introduction doesn't really draw me in. 1
USMCHokie Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 That said, your introduction doesn't really draw me in. I was expecting that you'd say this...as it really didn't sound very remarkable to me either... And this is the tough part for guys writing that first message. Sure, you want to be witty and reference something from their profile...but you also have to balance in adding something substantive about yourself that gives them something meaningful to respond to... I gathered three facts about you from your email...you're Italian from New England who likes to drive fast. I don't think you leave much for her to respond with... That being said, I think the better looking you are, generally speaking, the more lenient women will be with your first email. Except Star. You have to blow her away with your first email. 2
Star Gazer Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I was expecting that you'd say this...as it really didn't sound very remarkable to me either... And this is the tough part for guys writing that first message. Sure, you want to be witty and reference something from their profile...but you also have to balance in adding something substantive about yourself that gives them something meaningful to respond to... I gathered three facts about you from your email...you're Italian from New England who likes to drive fast. I don't think you leave much for her to respond with... That being said, I think the better looking you are, generally speaking, the more lenient women will be with your first email. Except Star. You have to blow her away with your first email. You don't have to blow me away! But you're right. His email is unremarkable because it doesn't leave much for her to respond with, nor does it suggest that they even have anything in common. A good initial email doesn't require her to go to your profile to see if she wants to respond or has something to talk about. The email itself is the hook. Here's one that I recently responded to. We went out last night: Seems like we have some common outdoor, travel adventure interests in common. Which mountain have you been enjoying this years snow at mainly? A little sad that it has been getting this warm, but maybe a few good storms left. You said you loved Italy, which part was your favorite? I loved Florence! Any trips planned this summer? What did he do here? He showed that we shared common interests (skiing and travel), and asked questions that allow me to respond directly to the email, without having to go fish for a topic to discuss. Nothing fancy, not even witty. But enough to get the conversation going. 2
tbf Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 SG, that's a great example. The guy read your profile and zoomed in on your priority interests, matching those interests. 2
USMCHokie Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 You don't have to blow me away! But you're right. His email is unremarkable because it doesn't leave much for her to respond with, nor does it suggest that they even have anything in common. A good initial email doesn't require her to go to your profile to see if she wants to respond or has something to talk about. The email itself is the hook. ... What did he do here? He showed that we shared common interests (skiing and travel), and asked questions that allow me to respond directly to the email, without having to go fish for a topic to discuss. Nothing fancy, not even witty. But enough to get the conversation going. And here is an example of the "other end of the spectrum," so to speak. Nothing fancy or witty but demonstrates legitimate and personalized interest. Some women will find this sort of message "boring" and won't respond, while others will favor an initial message like this. You really have to gauge based on their profile whether they'd be more amenable to a funny witty message or a more mature message like Star showed. It's almost like being a goalie in soccer...pick a side and commit. That being said, I think the younger the audience, the less effective the "mature" message. 2
Star Gazer Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 And here is an example of the "other end of the spectrum," so to speak. Nothing fancy or witty but demonstrates legitimate and personalized interest. Some women will find this sort of message "boring" and won't respond, while others will favor an initial message like this. You really have to gauge based on their profile whether they'd be more amenable to a funny witty message or a more mature message like Star showed. It's almost like being a goalie in soccer...pick a side and commit. That being said, I think the younger the audience, the less effective the "mature" message. It's not either/or. As stated previously above, I respond to emails that reflect on the content of my profile and show we have something in common, whether it's more "mature" or it includes witty content. Let me go dig up another example. 1
Robert Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Let's keep this on topic to the thread starters concerns, thanks
Tallblueyed Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Writing me something witty that I can relate to and that also shows me that you read my profile and relate to it in some way, or some cute comment that makes me laugh or smile? Indeed ALL the messages I responded to when I did OLD were ones that had a "spark of wit" about them, that tied in with the things I mentioned on my profile, in a style that was laid back and relatable. And the more random and whimsical the message, the more I felt inspired to conjure up my own metaphor-laden, zoggledy-gookerish messages in response. Interesting thread. I have been having an almost opposite problem as the OP. Humbly, I have an amazing track record with OLD. My approach relates to the above mentioned profile/writing style. My profile body is purely written to express my sense of humor and nothing else. I honestly sat down and wrote a completely random story with extreme randomness; only to SHOW that I had a sense of humor (versus stating that I had one). Then at the end of the story I simply stated, "No...not funny, not even a smirk? Can't say I didn't try; oh well we won't get along then, hit 'next' and have fun - life is too short not to smile." (note: in the items below my profile I did mark and note my real interests) My responses are overwhelmingly unanimous, "Ha ha, you made me laugh". Most of the time they respond with a one liner like that - but it opens the door for me to write them a custom witty message (based on intel from their profile). I usually don't write anything about myself, except maybe in a laced humorous way that adds to the humor. After one or two witty exchanges they will break it with a 'real' question or statement. Bear in mind that I *love* creative writing and can keep up the fun for dozens, even hundreds of messages (all assuming they are somebody that I am interested in). I had my profile down for a couple months while pursuing a girl that I was interested in (met on match). I put my profile back up last night and today I have dozens of messages already. At the bar I am witty too, but I need to learn how to get it off the ground better. I love country dancing, so that usually serves as an ice breaker. Although I will dance (and chat) with anybody, I am extremely picky when it comes to dating. Last Saturday I met a girl that caught my eye, but about an hour (and few dances) later she excused herself to go have a cigarette - DEAL breaker for me! Online: that wouldn't have got a return message. Just an example of how OLD has some benefits. Send me a PM if you want to read my profile - I'd be interested in getting some criticism/feedback from SG or anybody else. At the very least you can read my B.S. story (and hopefully chuckle). 1
jcm101 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Not sure about others, but i've found my response rate go way up if I message girls already online. If you message a cute girl when she's signed off, you better send something good or look like Ronaldo or you're message is getting buried in the other 20+ generic ones.
tbf Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 That said, your introduction doesn't really draw me in.It doesn't draw me in either. Imajerk, if you want, I can break down why it didn't draw me in. 1
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Not sure about others, but i've found my response rate go way up if I message girls already online. If you message a cute girl when she's signed off, you better send something good or look like Ronaldo or you're message is getting buried in the other 20+ generic ones. On Match, it can show you're online if you simply open an email on your Yahoo! account on your phone. There's no real "logging in" involved, and it can show you as logged in for hours after you actually stopped using the site.
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 SG, your private mailbox is full Because you've sent me three PMs. You're dreamy , and totally made me literally LOL. No improvements on that puppy needed! Unfortunately, there's a major deal breaker there...
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Jerk: I suggest you correspond with Tallblueyed and see what his profile looks like. I'm pretty certain you'll get more bites if you follow his lead. 1
hppr Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 My online dating experience has been... "interesting". Despite a well-written profile and good first emails only 10% of women respond. And very often (over 50% of the time) when we go out there is no chemistry. So this weekend I did something I usually don't do... I went out to a bar. Met one girl and we had our arms around each other in 15 minutes. And she is taller than I am. I'm confused. Girls on match don't go for guys shorter than they. And how come there is chemistry with girls I meet in real life but not on Match? I'm the same guy! The only thing that I can think of is that I go for what I want. I'm not the smoothest talker in the world--I'm an engineer-type which might hinder me in that department haha. At any rate I needed the boost. Met another girl last night who is 10 years younger and taller than I am and again I had my arms around her and we exchanged numbers. (She is suppa suppa smart too!) Girls like that hardly ever write me back online. Still though, very confusing. What gives?? Congratulations, you just discovered what every other guy (who has dated online) already knows; it sucks! Seriously a waste of time you're better off trolling bars unless you want to lie...lie about your height...lie about your hobbies (I'm an exciting party animal!)...lie about your job...lie lie lie...or be honest and date women you wouldn't normally date without boozing it up first...
ThaWholigan Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I always get different results because I always change my profile pretty constantly. Right now it just says "under construction" because I'm not dating right now.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 The conversations I have online are as varied as the conversations in bars. It really depends on how I'm approached. Definitely true. For those guys I dated, the conversations (online, phone) and first dates I had were all very different and interesting. The three best first dates I have ever had were OLD first dates actually. Very memorable. I think it's a mistake to do the "small talk Olympics" over coffee thing. You wouldn't do that for the woman you met at the bar, would you? If you're bored by the prospect, then she likely will be too. Pick something else for the date. Ditto for generic messages. I realize it's hard to craft messages, but some did a really great job and were creative. So it's definitely possible. 1
USMCHokie Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 (edited) Jerk: I suggest you correspond with Tallblueyed and see what his profile looks like. I'm pretty certain you'll get more bites if you follow his lead. There's one possible issue I see with this, and it's what I like to call the "Cyrano syndrome"...and it's one of the inherent "weaknesses" of OLD, and that is, a profile that doesn't match the person in real life. Anyone can pull a canned profile from anywhere (and I've seen paid services where they give you a profile), but it doesn't necessarily mean it reflects that person. If OP was to get profile "advice" from someone else who has a superior profile, it might help to pull in more "bites," but if he can't match it with his own messages or worse, in person, then he will only instill disappointment from the girl(s). They'll expect this eloquent, funny, and witty guy and get a fuddy duddy. It's no different from seeing pictures of someone from 10 years ago and getting something else in real life. False advertising. Additionally, writing something behind a computer screen with unlimited time in the world can often be vastly different from speaking with them face-to-face. Edited June 4, 2013 by USMCHokie 2
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 One reason I always did a screening phone call before agreeing to a date! It was surprising how some guys fell completely flat when they went "live." Of course a few were very pleasant surprises. People matched their phone calls if I went on a date. You really want your profile to do a good job of reflecting you...even if it's a turnoff to a few people. What you see should be what you get. I think that's how I got so many second dates. You got exactly what you expected or better on the first date. My goal was a relationship. Not a first date. Not a certain number of messages. A relationship...with someone who was a good fit. 2
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 There's one possible issue I see with this, and it's what I like to call the "Cyrano syndrome"...and it's one of the inherent "weaknesses" of OLD, and that is, a profile that doesn't match the person in real life. Anyone can pull a canned profile from anywhere (and I've seen paid services where they give you a profile), but it doesn't necessarily mean it reflects that person. If OP was to get profile "advice" from someone else who has a superior profile, it might help to pull in more "bites," but if he can't match it with his own messages or worse, in person, then he will only instill disappointment from the girl(s). They'll expect this eloquent, funny, and witty guy and get a fuddy duddy. It's no different from seeing pictures of someone from 10 years ago and getting something else in real life. False advertising. Additionally, writing something behind a computer screen with unlimited time in the world can often be vastly different from speaking with them face-to-face. I totally understand what you're saying. However, Jerk and I have corresponded behind closed doors such that I know he can... loosen up, and be more dating, than he has in his profile. 1
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 One reason I always did a screening phone call before agreeing to a date! It was surprising how some guys fell completely flat when they went "live." Of course a few were very pleasant surprises. People matched their phone calls if I went on a date. I've actually had more pleasant surprises from phone calls than duds! 1
USMCHokie Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I totally understand what you're saying. However, Jerk and I have corresponded behind closed doors such that I know he can... loosen up, and be more dating, than he has in his profile. And it works both ways. A lot of men are quite sociable and well spoken but just can't get that down in a profile. OP might be well advised to look through old emails and messages he's written to women who responded well to him and actually pull parts of those messages to put in the profile. Just a random idea...
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