bellebethy Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 (edited) I just found out on April 9th that my husband of one year...(we've been together 10) has been cheating on me for two years. The affair started out with a co worker back in April/May 2011. They had about of month of sexual contact. He brought her to our house several times (with my child there) , had sex in my car that he had me drive around in blissfully unaware of what had occurred inside. My husband then got fired from that job..Couldn't figure out why then but now I see that he was to preoccupied to even work and started slacking I suppose. They kept in contact regularly for a month or so after that happened. But since (until recently when I found out) he had been talking to her probably every couple of months. Mostly through Facebook messaging, I read all of the messages. But every message pretty much relived in detail their encounters. Also she had asked him if they had been continuing what they were doing before he lost his job if he would've married me and he said probably not. I feel like I was out planning my wedding and picking out flowers while he was talking to another girl. I feel like he broke his vows before he even said them. Mostly I cant get the sweet words he wrote to her on fb out of my head. Things like if I ever saw you again Id just be happy kissing your neck and holding hand. I miss seeing you...I think about you everyday kind of stuff. I think that maybe hurts the most. Now after he finally admitted to it, we immediately decided to work things out. We've gone to counseling, and that seems to help. He has been nothing but kind to me and patient, telling me that his lifelong goal is to make me happy and prove hell be a better man. At first I almost felt like I was in heaven, butterflies in my stomach and almost like I was 16 again and meeting him for the first time. But since he's backed off a little, still sweet but not the same. And now that reality has set in I still feel myself resenting him. I start thinking about everything and get so hurt and mad. Picturing him with another woman and telling her those things. Every time we have sex I just get so disgusted that he is enjoying himself so much while I'm here in so much pain. I get angry sometimes when he's sleeping and think to myself how the hell can he sleep at night while I'm in so much pain, and why do I have to feel this way when hes the one that did wrong. Is this a normal feeling and will it ever go away? If not then is it really worth it? I know its unfair to him because I do really feel like hes genuinely trying and that he really is sorry. And I do love him with all my heart and feel like I want to badly to work things out with him but I just don't know. I need someone with advice that's been through this and it ultimately worked out. Or someone that's going through this too, and share their feelings. Is it normal to feel so much resentment even when hes trying so hard?? Edited June 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and formatting
dichotomy Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Can you specifically tells us what he has done to "fix" the damage he has done? Has he clearly in therapy come to grips with WHY he did it, and what he needed to work on himself? Is he truly remorseful ? Lastly - and this sounds a bit cold - but whats in it for you to stay married to him? vs leaving and finding someone else?
threelaurels Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I'm sorry all this happened to you How did you find out about the affair? Did he confess, or did you discover it? Is he the father of your child? Is he still in contact with the other woman? Last, you need to focus on his actions and not his words right now more than ever. He needs to be making solid steps toward repairing the marriage, not just talking about making changes.
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 How is he genuinally trying? And, did he end it with her completely? As in, my wife knows about the A and I can't have any contact with you anymore, please do not email, text or call me. Has he blocked her on facebook? Are you two in marriage counseling? Also she had asked him if they had been continuing what they were doing before he lost his job if he would've married me and he said probably not. Did you specifically ask him about this? Why he told her "probably not"? So that means if he hadn't lost his job, you two would not have gotten married. I don't mean to put more doubts in your mind but he has either lied to her, telling her what she wanted to hear, give her hope - An ego boost, or he's lied to you and married you without being sincere or honest with his heart. No decision has to be made right now, but as time goes along and you can't get past this, divorce him. Some people cannot forgive, not all are willing to give second chances.
underwater2010 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 You are just under 2 months out....you don't have to decide anything today. Take your time and figure out what it is that you want.
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