nyguidette Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 So, B and I have been together 4 months now. Everything is going good..there is ONE problem..I am scared to bring him home to my family. My parents are VERY old fashioned Catholics and I have never brought a guy home..(not even D, which was a 2 year relationship)...Why you ask?? Well, B is 25.. when he was 15, his date died and he got heavy into drugs and dropped out of high school. He finally cleaned up and met C. He lost his virginity at 19 to her and she was a nasty b*tch that got pregnant. He married her. They were married 4.5 years and she did NOTHING but cheat on him and spend all his money. He finally left her and is now divorced (well one month away from it being final) with a 4 year daughter. He couldn't afford the house they were living in anymore b/c SHE was living there and HE was paying rent on another place..(she payed NOTHING), so he had to foreclose. He is living with him grandmother right now (paying rent) and getting all his bills situated....I really care about him and I know better than to judge someone for their past, I KNOW they won't like him though...they will until they find out his past. What do I do?? Do I wait until I know it's gonna be something more, or what??? PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE!!
Barby Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 You are grown right? You must live with your own choices...if he is a good man then who cares about what they will think of his past? Everyone has a past that they can't change I'm sure even your parents have a past that they wouldn't want other's judging them on. On another note you only know his side of things, unless you know her personally how can you know if everything he says is true?? If it is then bring him home, let them meet him, then when you have the chance *out of his presence* tell them about his past and why he's where he is. If you know you care about him you shouldn't hide him from your family, how do you think that would make him feel? Imagine if he did this to you??!
Author nyguidette Posted October 6, 2004 Author Posted October 6, 2004 I have actually told him the truth of the situation and he completely understands..I can't say he approves, but he deals with it. He himself is ashamed of it. As for C...I know it's true b/c we know each other...she used to hang out with my ex boyfriend and is with the guy she cheated on him with...H*ll, he was living in B's house after he moved out. I do undersantd what you are saying, but my parents have helped me out a TON in the last year..(I was laid off in August of last year and couln't find work, so they helped me)...I don't want to disappoint them!!
Artifact Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 You are not obligated to tell your parents everything about your personal life (or someone else's for that matter.) This is your relationship. But if you are serious about him, let your parents get to know him. Neither of you should lie about the obvious of course (don't cover up his kid), but you don't need to say "Mom, dad, this is so and so, he was a druggie, knocked up a skank and let her walk all over him. I think he has chosen better now, don't you?" And don't spend all of your time defending him either- if you care about him, don't make him feel worse by introducing him to family and friends, followed by an explanation justifying why it is OK you are with him.
Lainie Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 I think it's amazing how understanding parents can be. Maybe past experience with your parents tells you otherwise, afterall, you know them best. I think if you really care for someone, you're parents should be accepting. It may not happen over night, but they will warm to him as you do. This guy has had a rough history, and it's not for anyone to judge. So maybe introduce him to your parents as a friend, you don't have to disclose all of your information to them all at once. But if you build a relationship with this person, then they will find out about it. It's up to you to decide whether to use the upfront method, or the delayed method of telling them. Do whatever you think is best! Good luck!
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