Rogerson Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 (edited) I've been interested in a woman for a few years now, and for whatever reason, I have fallen in love with her. The odd part of our scenario is that we've never dated in the proper sense - only been out on friendly excursions (dinners, movies, etc.). There's a definite sense of attraction and interest -- however, I know those factors don't always culminate into something romantic. I've hinted to this woman that I have feelings for her, but have never come right out and said it. Now I want to say something, but I'm scared; I think she knows how I feel, and I'm not sure if saying something will just reveal that her feelings aren't mutual or if it's something she's been waiting for me to say. My past experience tells me it's probably the former - but has anyone gone down this path and been told their feelings are mutual? I feel like I would have gotten stronger signals with the hints I've made. I'm also not sure why she would continue seeing me if she I knew how I felt. Edited June 3, 2013 by Rogerson
ChessPieceFace Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 has anyone gone down this path and been told their feelings are mutual? Not that I know of. My advice is DON'T say anything like you love her or have deep feelings. Worst thing you could do. Why not just say you'd like to take her out somewhere specific, for a date. If she says no, at least you won't be embarrassed every time you see her after that.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I'm not the type to "befriend" anyone and then unload these emotions on them. If I'm interested in a woman, I'm not going to just sit back and pretend to be platonic or just wait. However I have professed (my love) strong emotions and the like to people I have been romantically involved with and had some basis for doing so, even if it was just the beginning. Therefore I wouldn't recommend expressing emotions too over the top, you will shock her and scare her away. You need to just talk to her or even write her or whatever and express to her that you do have some feelings for her and have become interested. She already know, she may be in denial or just playing aloof but if she's got any sense she won't be "startled" by this revelation of "news". Just take it slow and don't go all guns blazing, you'll get shot down quick. Talk to her, see if she has any mutual feelings and can reciprocate...if she's interested she will be open to it, if she's not she'll just tell you that you're better off friends or what not. Chances are she's not interested because women don't typically just work that way with someone they are interested in, but if she is or at least curious, you should at least find out....for yourself. I think for you you need to get this off your chest and just move on, but that's my personal opinion. I know that might sound weird to you, but love doesn't quite work the way you think it does, but you are interested and seem to be infatuated with her.
Author Rogerson Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Thanks for the thoughts, guys. Yeah, I guess it's a bit too intense a thing to mention in the current state of things. Upon reflection, my feelings for this woman probably grew simply because I didn't (and couldn't) act on my interests when they first surfaced. My wanting to say something now came mainly from finally having an opportunity to say something and not wanting to regret holding off further. Crappy that I'm just seeing this now, because I probably could have reeled it in a bit more when i last saw her and not come across so head-over-heels. I'm not entirely sure if this is how she sees me, but women are pretty tuned into this stuff, so I'm sure she senses it nonetheless. Anyways, unless I get a strong signal to say otherwise, I think I'll keep these feelings to myself. Thanks again.
mortensorchid Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Honestly no. If the feeling was mutual it would've come to fruition somehow already. Don't tell the person you love them or you will set yourself up for embarrassment. Only once did that happen to me a few years ago where I was completely taken by surprise. I had known this guy for a few years off and on, we'd see each other once a year if that and never said much besides "Hi how are you" to one another. Three years ago one summer we connected at a party, and we became more friendly. But I figured we were just going to be friends because he was/is absolutely GORGEOUS and he probably had a girlfriend already, but one day he leaned in and kissed me. I was shocked but once he told me via text a few hours later that he was not kidding, then I realized. It lasted a few weeks afterward, he broke it off. But that was the only and only time it actually happened.
Author Rogerson Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Honestly no. If the feeling was mutual it would've come to fruition somehow already. Don't tell the person you love them or you will set yourself up for embarrassment. Yes, good point. I already tested the waters and hinted that I had feelings for her -- and if that wasn't enough of a lead-in to express mutual feelings for one another, then I'm not sure what would be. I actually kinda regret even hinting those feelings at this point, but glad I haven't taken it further.
Carenth Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Agreed with morten, if there was mutual feelings they would of come to surface by now. I was just friends with my current girlfriend for years before we became a couple. Neither of us were interested in anything but friendship for a long time but then we realised we had become very close she told me she had feelings for me and the feeling was mutual. It was a risk, probably one that most people wouldn't take going from friends to lovers but it is working out for us thus far.
PhoenixRysing Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Can you be more specific about how you hinted at your emotions? It may come as a shock to you, but many of us gals are a bit on the dense side. Some of us are quite clueless when it comes to indicators of interest - present company included. In other words, she may not have understood your hints to be hints. So what did you say/do exactly? And how do you know her?
Estate Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I've been interested in a woman for a few years now, and for whatever reason, I have fallen in love with her. The odd part of our scenario is that we've never dated in the proper sense - only been out on friendly excursions (dinners, movies, etc.). There's a definite sense of attraction and interest -- however, I know those factors don't always culminate into something romantic. I've hinted to this woman that I have feelings for her, but have never come right out and said it. Now I want to say something, but I'm scared; I think she knows how I feel, and I'm not sure if saying something will just reveal that her feelings aren't mutual or if it's something she's been waiting for me to say. My past experience tells me it's probably the former - but has anyone gone down this path and been told their feelings are mutual? I feel like I would have gotten stronger signals with the hints I've made. I'm also not sure why she would continue seeing me if she I knew how I felt. Look, I literally read the first line and couldn't read on. You've never dated, you're not IN LOVE, you're just obsessed. It's unhealthy. Do not tell her this you will freak her out to the last, this isn't a disney movie.
todreaminblue Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I've been interested in a woman for a few years now, and for whatever reason, I have fallen in love with her. The odd part of our scenario is that we've never dated in the proper sense - only been out on friendly excursions (dinners, movies, etc.). There's a definite sense of attraction and interest -- however, I know those factors don't always culminate into something romantic. I've hinted to this woman that I have feelings for her, but have never come right out and said it. Now I want to say something, but I'm scared; I think she knows how I feel, and I'm not sure if saying something will just reveal that her feelings aren't mutual or if it's something she's been waiting for me to say. My past experience tells me it's probably the former - but has anyone gone down this path and been told their feelings are mutual? I feel like I would have gotten stronger signals with the hints I've made. I'm also not sure why she would continue seeing me if she I knew how I felt. takes a lot of hints for me to get anything...my ex kissed me on new years and i still wasnt sure..because it was new years so.....didnt quite know what to think....he did choose to spend it with me.....instead of partying it up with his mates..took me a couple of weeks after the kiss to tell him i felt for him after discussing it with another guy...who requested me not to tell my ex and go out with him instead.......because he liked my ass......anyway....i thanked him for his advice and told my ex i had feelings for him....and we were together for fifteen years...the feelings were mutual........what hints has she given that you might interpret to be interest?... i would say, tell her,in my opinion as to avoid crossed wires...come right out and say it......tell her you want to get to know her better........ask her on a date....if romance were to develop...it needs someone to make a move to be given that chance.....why not your move.....she may eb waiting on you.......i wish you the best...hope it works out.......deb 1
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