Should I cut him off? How?

[JOYTOME]

Hey guys,

This man is really doing my head in. I need to know what to do.

 

We met about a month ago and he would make contact in some way everyday.- either by phone call or IM. He asked to meet up and we did. It was a bit brief and we enjoyed it. We just talked. However I went away for a short while and he kept in touch every two days I.e he would call. I thought to myself "hmm, seems like a nice guy. Staying in touch when I'm abroad". *I also called twice. However when I returned, he wasn't showing as much interest. For example, he would say he was going to call and he didn't. So I sent him a text message saying "hey you didn't call. Anyway no worries, hope you are well. Have a great week". He called immediately. But I felt like I had to "remind him".

 

One time, I actually mentioned it. *I said on BBM-"I feel like you are different person from the person I met when we travelled". He replied saying "How so?? It's because you've been away". I replied "No, it's not, you just aren't showing much attention". *I don't know if he got that last massage but I called him the next day and he said be would call back in a hour. An hour passed and he sent a text apologising and saying that "He would call soon" and then he called and we spoke. He brought up the issue i had mentioned previously. He basically said "you said that I'm a different person, this is coming from someone who refused to hug me on our first date". I responded with a laugh and said "Oh, I can be a bit weird. We are all weird in a way".

 

Anyway he said he would call me when he got home and he did. He said he would call the next day (I.e. Monday) because he would like to see me but would have to confirm when as im not sure". Anyway he didn't call the next day to confirm or cancel. Not nice at all. *I did NOT bother to get in touch with him to confirm because I thought it was unkind for him not to back to me.

 

2 days passed and he called on Tuesday saying "oh I was going to come and see you on Monday but it rained really bad". I didn't react all. I replied "yeh true. It rained heavily and took me for hours to get from one spot to the other". Anyway he then responded "anyway ild like to see you later today, maybe stop by on my way home from work (he lives in my neighbourhood), *but I'll call later to confirm when. Guess what? He didn't call. But I didn't bother to check up on him either. I just ignored him.

 

We didn't speak until he made contact again on Thursday. He called me at night around 7 pm and asked "Hey, where are you, are you home?". I replied "No, I'm not" ( although I was but I was pretty irritated with his recent actions or games or lack of interest or whatever the hell he was doing). *He replied "Okay, well I, just on my way back from work and wanted to stop by because I am travelling out of town for a week and was just told at work today". I replied "I'm not home". He replied "Well it's obvious you are busy so I'll talk to you another time". I replied "Cool, I'll send you a message". Anyway he hung up and about two hours later, I sent him a message saying -

 

"Hey, ill be honest with you. You said you would stop by on two different occasions but I never heard back from you". He responded "Remember i told you it rained on monday and on Tuesday, I even fell asleep early. I apologise". In my mind I was thinking "wtf"? Anyway I replied "No worries". He responded "Are you mad at me"? I replied "No I'm not mad, just think that communication would go a long way". He replied "I agree. I admit I can be a bit casual sometimes but I see you take communication seriously". I replied "I guess I do".I wished him a good trip. *This was thursday night.

 

Anyway, after that I sent him an email on Friday- basically a link to a newspaper article about a plane crash". He replied about an hour later. I replied 24 hours later (on sat night) *and he replied telling me that he was "going to be back tomorrow". I.e *Sunday and he would call me.

 

I didn't bother replying to the email because there was nothing to reply to. He IM'd me on Sunday evening saying "Hey, how are you"? I replied "I'm good thanks, you?". He replied "I'm fine, just got back". I replied *"how was it? Do you have friends in that town"? He replied "Yes, I do. I have friends everywhere". I didn't bother to reply because while I was trying to make conversation , he didn't seem like it. Why send me a message if you dont want to have an actual conversation?

 

Anyway, I'm tired trying to figure this guy out. When we met, he told me he did not have a girlfriend. I don't know if perhaps he isn't really interested or maybe has some other girls he is talking to. But he seems to initiate contact every two days and it's messing with me. So even if I don't initiate conversations (which I've hardly been doing recently) he makes contact. I love to have real conversations and get to know people better. But it doesn't seem to be happening. I am attracted to him but I don't have the strength to force things.

 

I've decided to cut off from him. Would it be mean if i just stopped responding to his calls? We only just met so I don't really think that I am in a position to have any serious conversations. I dont want to come across as " needy". So should i just cut him off? I'm in my mid 20s and looking for something serious so really can't be bothered with disinterest. His behaviour is upsetting and I can't put up with the superficial contact anymore. I don't want his contact to keep raising my hopes if he sees me as a "back up" or whatever. I just don't understand him.

 

Ps: he is in his late 20s so definitely not some college kid but a professional.

[JOYTOME]

I agree. So should I just cut him off by ignoring his calls or should I tell him not to contact me anymore. One thing is certain: his contact hurts me a bit because it makes me think about him. I like him a bit so it's a bit difficult.

 

Anyway, do I ignore all attempts and hopes he gets the message or tell him?

[SoulJazzBlues]

Ignore, ignore and ignore some more. I am going to agree with Forum Lurker, this man is putting in minimum interest. However I also don't think you helped with the texts you send him 'reminding' him that he didnt call you. Personally, I would have been put off by the bad energy created by this text.

 

You should have a) ignored his lack of responses and continued living your life or b) send a playful 'hey' type of text.

[Treasa]

He doesn't sound that interested, and he seems to gaslight you when you mention things he's doing that you don't like. He's sounds really immature.

 

That being said, it's not a good idea to tell someone, especially someone you've known for so little a time, "Hey you didn't call. Anyway no worries, hope you are well. Have a great week." It comes across as clingy or passive aggressive or both. Next time, just move on. The guy will either contact you or he won't. Go by his actions.