swandive83 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 We've known each other for about 6 months, met through friends. He showed interest and asked me out 5 months ago, but I was a few months out of a (short) relationship at that time, and just needed a little more time. He was respectful and gave me some space but still kept me in mind. 3 months ago we went on our first date. It was casual and we did not kiss and he didn't show any interest in kissing me, which was fine, we were just getting to know each other. We went on a few more dates and on the fourth he gave me a kiss on the lips (no makeout session). I found this odd because he is 39 years-old. I was grateful that he didn't seem to want to just mess around. I thought he was a gentleman, and also perhaps the age difference (I am 27) made him feel a little shy about that kind of stuff? He is also divorced (4 years out) with 1 teenage kid, so I just assumed he was being reserved for that reason, not sure though. He seemed like a gentleman in that regard, but not in others, which threw me off. He's never walked me to my door (we do the car hug and I jump out) and I found that odd, but I guess everyone's different. I'm just stating this because he is a bit of an enigma in some ways... I'll go more into depth if anyone wants to know. After our 4th date, and numerous phone conversations. We had a conversation that became awkward because I expressed disappointment in something, and he got extremely defensive, and then I got defensive which he didn't like so he decided to take some time apart. I understood and let him be and after a week he wanted to talk again. But after that, I felt like I had to walk on eggshells, so it was difficult. A couple weeks after we started talking again (no dates though), he had made a promise to me about something but didn't follow through, so I was disappointed, but I didn't want to have that awkward conversation we had the previous time I felt disappointed, so I actually decided to end it. He was upset, hurt and angry and let me know it through various emails where he stated he would've ended it first anyway and that I am a complex character - he also told our mutual friends this I apologized several times. After a week of emailing back and forth, he wanted to see me again, and to be honest, I wanted to see him too. So we went on another date, technically our 5th, and it was great. We had a passionate time (but no sex) and I was very hopeful. The next day was nice as we texted back and forth throughout the day and he invited me out, but unfortunately I wasn't able to make it. He sounded very disappointed and did not contact me again until the evening of the day after that. It seemed like the texting had gone way down after that as well. Last week, we had a conversation, and it reached that awkward point again, and he did the same thing as the first time, got defensive and quickly got off the phone. I knew what was coming next and I braced myself. He did not contact me all day the next day, and the next evening the following text conversation transpired: Him: Hello. The conversation got really awkward again last night. I think we need to talk. Me: I'm sorry, but I won't be able to talk tonight, can we do so another time? (this came from the fear of having "the we-need-to-talk conversation", but now that I think about it, he may have wanted to just talk??? Not sure). Him: Well, I wanted to do this in person but I guess you're just way to busy. I'm okay with just being friends. Take care. Me: Was there something you really wanted to talk about? I'm just not interested in tests and games right now. Please understand. Him: I'm not testing you. Him: Will you be around to talk tonight? (At this point I felt like he really was testing me because he had just texted the above about just being friends... what more would there be to say?) Then my phone died. When I got home and recharged my phone, I got a very long good-bye text ending with "Wish you the best in all that you do." I wasn't sure to make of this. In a way, I felt relieved because I don't think I could continually live in fear of him becoming defensive and running away from me over and over again. But I feel guilty because maybe he wouldn't have been like that. I haven't contacted him because in the past he has said that once he's done dating someone he never revisits it and never stays friends with them. I want to respect his space. Has this happened to anyone else? What do you make of this objectively? I really don't know what to make of it. Is it literal? Did he want me to do something? So unsure and would take any advice, suggestions, criticisms etc...
Sunshine87 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 He wanted to talk to you. He might have wanted to discuss in person to see if you two could come to a compromise. I think you should have met up with him but I guess you allowed your fears take over. I would not expect him to make any more contact because you did not even respond to his text message. The fact that he runs away isn't a good sign. But he did make some attempt to talk. If he really didn't care, he would just have sent a text and avoided seeing you. But he didn't. When your phone went off, he might have thought that you hung up on him. I don't know. Pitting aside the recent drama, do you think that you are a good match?
Author swandive83 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Sunshine87, thank you for your response. All the drama aside, yes I'm very attracted to him physically. However there are some personality issues that I think may not be compatible. He is an extrovert, I am an introvert. He is quite aggressive (yet runs away when someone states their opinion that differs from his own). I am quite passive (yet I can state my opinion when I feel I need to). He also has a crude way of talking about his ex-wife, which bothers me since that is the mother of his son. And I'm sure there are things about me which he doesn't like... he wishes I was more assertive. Typing this out, I guess there is no point of actually trying to reconcile... I guess I'm just missing the good moments we had, and of course the amazing physical/spiritual connection I felt towards him... that part is still strong inside me, and I wonder if it was for him too. I guess I'll never know if he really did want to talk it out, but I imagine that if he truly wanted to talk it out, he would have tried. In my text to him, I told him I didn't want anymore "tests", I just wanted him to be forward because I was indeed fearful of a conversation like that. Reading the post back, it almost sounds like we were just 2 scared people, neither wanted to get hurt, and the "safest" way for him was to end it right then and there. I understand because I guess I may have done that to him before.
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