bugera6262 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Hi this is my first post and every time I have googled an issue with my problem, i see this website. So I thought I'd give it a shot. Ok so I have been going out with my ex for 2 and a half years, we are both young. We were fresh out of high school and her parents really weren't there. So I took the roll of taking care of her and making sure she had everything she needed. I did everything for her, more than I would do for anyone on this earth. We would start arguing about petty things early on but we would just get over it and forget about it. This would continue through out our relationship. So about 2 and a half years later "1 month ago" her dad comes back in her life. He is in the military stationed out of country and moved back to the states. He told us that we could stay with him and go to school and save money. So of course we went with it. She originally went to the state he was stationed at to see what it was like to live with him and to give me the go ahead. This was the first time we have been apart for the whole relationship. So she gives me the all clear, and I quit my job and broke my appartment lease. I move out here and I find an amazing job, and as soon as that happened she decided to end it. I thought she wasn't serious because we have been through this crap a number of times. But this time it was for real. for the next 2 weeks she was distant while living with me and her dad. We would still be intimate and she said she loved me and what not but she NEEDED TO FIND HERSELF. Then one day she decided to leave back to our home state. She left me here with her dad..... She is now living with her friend "girl". At that point it really sunk in that she is gone. I was suicidle, couldnt eat, the whole ****ing works. I kept having hope that we could work it out, begging her to come back and all that bs. I realized after reading forums here that the nc rule was my only option. I later found out she was sexting other men as soon as we broke up and now is flirting with several men back home. And at first that was my breaking point where I thought tonight is the day i die.. But I turned that into anger and thoughts of F U. HEARTLESS B**** My question is WHY IS THIS HURTING ME? I feel like I should be angry and I should be like good ridence. But the thought of her being with other men kills me and I cant even think of talking to other women. She also has a very bad trait that she twists things and makes me feel bad for things that are her fault. Im slowly getting better, because last week i was suicidle. And its very hard to move on right now, I live with her f****** dad.... and most of her things are still here. Im trying my best to save money to go back home to get back to family. But HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME?!?!?!
Chi townD Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 (edited) First off, no girl is worth ending your life over, NOT ONE! Yeah, she did you wrong and you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. Here's the deal. You two are very young and when we leave our teen years and enter into young adulthood; well, we change. It happens. We become more mature and we find that we want different things out of life. So, the chances are the girl you fell in love with wasn't going to be the same girl in a few years anyway. And the same goes for you. You change as well. Rarely will you ever see anyone with their first loves anymore. So, you can't change what you can't control. She's gone and wants you out of her life. Okay...fine then. Then, you need to change what you can. Look, the best revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good life. You stated that you were in a good place with a GREAT job. But, you BOTH moved out there with the intention to go to school. Well, that still should be your gameplan. Go to school and do well. Study hard! A good college education will open a lot of doors for you in the future with an outstanding salary. Then, you'll be able to afford that nice townehome in a great little neighborhood and that nice car you've always wanted to have. When you go to school, a lot of college's and Universities have a gym for the students to use. GO!!!! Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. Work out all those frustrations and stress. ALSO! You'll be working on that ripped and rock hard bod that girls are going to definitely notice! College's and Universities have a TON of clubs that you can join. Find one that interests you and join! Put yourself out there and meet different people! KEEP BUSY!!! Very important! And travel!!! Go see something different. If spring Break is coming, grab some friends and go to Cabo San Lucas! Save and take some friends and go on a whitewater rafting trip in West Virginia, or deep sea fishing in Florida. Or backpack through Europe during the summer. HAVE AN ADVENTURE! Plus, saving, researching your trip and planning will get you excited and motivated to reach your goal and not thinking about what she's doing. Now, about her. You need to block her on Facebook (IMPORTANT THAT YOU DO THIS!!!), and ignore all texts and phonecalls! Let them go to voicemail. Remember, she made the choice to have you out of her life, so you give her exactly what she asked for. She either has 100% of you or nothing at all. THIS IS YOUR TIME NOW!!! So, it's okay to be a little selfish. So, complete No Contact (NC). Go dark on her. If you make all of those positive changes in your life, then wouldn't it be cool if she calls her old man one day and, out of curiosity, she asks what your up to. Wouldn't it be nice if her Dad could say, "Don't know, he's not here. He did really well this school year so he treated himself to a trip to England. He said he always wanted to see London, so that's where he's at right now." Wouldn't it be nice if she gets curious and looks at your Facebook page and she see's a pic of you with your arms around the waist of two hot English girls with Big Ben in the backdrop? In the meantime, all she's doing is chasing after guys and sexting. Nothing more interesting than that.. THAT'S how you get your revenge! Edited June 3, 2013 by Chi townD 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 She also has a very bad trait that she twists things and makes me feel bad for things that are her fault. This is called 'gas-lighting'. Classic behavior of those with personality disorders. Google it. May help you understand a little deeper...
Author bugera6262 Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 I agree with alot of what you said, very motivational and good for me to read. Im glad someone cares enough just to respond to me. The problem is I came out here for her, with her. She left and I need to forget her. I need to go back to my home state with family for support and just being able to see some old faces I know and love. I feel like thats why i cant heal even after shes the one who screwed me over.
Author bugera6262 Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 And mtnbiker3000 thank you. I suspected this reading other posts here. I just forgot what it was called.
Chi townD Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I agree with alot of what you said, very motivational and good for me to read. Im glad someone cares enough just to respond to me. The problem is I came out here for her, with her. She left and I need to forget her. I need to go back to my home state with family for support and just being able to see some old faces I know and love. I feel like thats why i cant heal even after shes the one who screwed me over. Okay, whether it be there of back home, it shouldn't change your gameplan of self improvements. Everything should still be the same in that department. Make those self improvements and STAY NC with her.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I agree with alot of what you said, very motivational and good for me to read. Im glad someone cares enough just to respond to me. The problem is I came out here for her, with her. She left and I need to forget her. I need to go back to my home state with family for support and just being able to see some old faces I know and love. I feel like thats why i cant heal even after shes the one who screwed me over. Yeah, it's hard when you move together and then BU. That's my same situation. It sucks!! Crappy small town with no opprtunity. Trying hard to get out!!! Chi is right. You can still take positive steps in your recovery no matter where
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