Chris715 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 (edited) Still having a really hard time from break up with my girlfriend that happened in November. Have only been NC for like 2 weeks now. My friends keep telling me to simply "move on and start dating" but I feel like I have zero capacity to date anyone now, and for a very long time. I'm seriously hurting right now, how long does it take to usually get over these things? First serious relationship of my life, so this is the first time I'm dealing with this pain. Also, I'm currently planning on trying to contact her maybe 6 months to a year from now just to see if things have settled down between us. Good idea? Bad idea? I seriously have no idea how to deal with this. Edited June 3, 2013 by Chris715
Giha Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 What makes it hard for so long is the fact you only now started NC. It will probably take some more time but you will get through it, just don't break NC. Don't plan on contacting her in X amounts of time. If you ever feel 100% comfortable with being just friends and seeing her with other men, only then will it be ok to contact her (though I don't really see a point).
BustedUpInside Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 You sound like me when it comes to things. It is really hard to stick to a course of action if there isn't a definite end goal. When I am trying to accomplish things, I like to have a list of steps that I can check off and then when all the steps are checked off I know that I have reached my goal. Unfortunately, emotional things are much different. There is no set timeline because you can't predict exactly when you will feel better and there are no "right" steps to make yourself get over something. What might help you is the same thinking that has been helping me. I used to think of NC like a diet. Just do it for awhile until I am where I want to be and then I can go back to "normal". What No Contact really is like is a total lifestyle change. Any lifestyle change requires you to be ultra strict with yourself at first. You have to completely cut off all the old reminders because they are hindering your progress. After awhile you don't have to force yourself to stop thinking about the ex, because it is just habit to live your life and keep moving forward. Eventually you are so enmeshed in the new habits that even if you occasionally cheat, you can get right back on track with hardly a missed step. Don't think of it as a finite process. Think of it like you would giving up any other bad habit and replacing it with a healthy alternative. There is no timeline on taking care of yourself. It should be something that you do forever.
HuffmanMontana Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Don't worry about dating. That's just a way to quickly fill the void and you're risking a rebound relationship which isn't good for anyone. Focus on yourself, pickup some new hobbies. Anything to get back to a better you.
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