myriam5182 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Well if anyone read my previous posts (I havent dated in like 7 years) well after moving on I met this guy who was just what I was looking for the kind of guy I wanted to get to know. Well it was great everytime.... well of course as all things that phase out by the 3rd and 4th date I heard less and less.... well I wanted to really get to know him etc.... than I get the dreaded text.... hey Im home now you should come over like right now lol (I didnt think it was funny I thought well there goes that dating)..... well I dont give it up the 1, 2, 3, 4, ........Im last of the Mohicans that wait.... I wanted to get to know him! I kindly played back via text rejecting his offer to come over (we all know for what.... ) bummed because I wanted to get to know him better even develop a relationship etc. Well he kindly kept pushing, I jokingly texted a lady never reveals! Ha! He insisted I reveal etc.... he was pushing it.... so finally I texted him JohnDoe, serious talk, Im not a FWB Im not a DWB Im a relationship girl! I like you but maybe were not on the same page and if were not than ..... = ) Friendly FYI He replied joking back that didnt sound friendly lol..... I totally understand. Than he texted me back again like an hour later, hey thank you for being honest I respect your honesty sometimes I just like to play around like that. I finally texted back like 2 hours after it was already late I was drunk lol "I dont mind it , its just to soon = ) " that was it last thursday havent heard since and I dont expect to..... just had to vent a bit bummed ( I had no one else to vent to my sister tells my sons father everything I do, and the friends that I had or thought I had all banged my sons father ) Sooo just feeling bummed I will get over theres no investment just bummed cause I liked em! Love will find me again so will the right guy !
Author myriam5182 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Well I will add I thought the connection was great we vibed everytime and the attraction was so there soooo there hehe! Wish he would of waited:cool:
Ami1uwant Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I went back and looked at your threads.... If you are 31..... How long are you expecting to wait until you have sex? Your reaction to him because he touched your leg sent the absolute wrong message to him. So date 4 to him was "Ill give her one last shot and see what happens" Who says he was trying to even have sex with you...he was just touching you. The message you sent to him is you arent getting any and your wanted to play games. This is typical of someone in their teens/early 20s. This is not typical of someone 30+. I am not saying doing it on date 1. If you have dates in a short period like 3 dates in 5 its too soon to sleep with him. there is a time to commit to it. Your behavior likely sent him the message of Im not doing it, Im a tease , and you arent going to get any for sometime. If you are straight forward and honest with them they will respect it. when you are coy and trying to be cute they say screw this. Since you guys met online you cant assume you are the only one he is dating. He likely was dating someone else---someone he actually was able to sleep with...thus he disappeared and decided to go with the other person because he wasnt in the mood to play games.
GB25 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 You freaked out on the 3rd date because while you were making out he touched you're leg????? I get that you " are not that girl" but you dont think thats a bit over the top???
happykat Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 He replied joking back that didnt sound friendly lol..... I totally understand. Than he texted me back again like an hour later, hey thank you for being honest I respect your honesty sometimes I just like to play around like that. He sounds like a reasonable person.. To be honest, from what you wrote I think he probably got fed up because it seems that you are playing games. Why did you wait 2 hours to respond and then respond once you were drunk? I could be wrong though, because the way you write and describe this is a bit confusing.. I know it's been a long time since you've dated - and jumping into online dating is a weird thing. Maybe you should read a lot more of these forum posts, I have found them to be pretty helpful.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Everyone has different boundaries, different timelines for feeling comfortable and for how rapidly things progress, and different reasons for dating. Your goal isn't to get the approval of every single man in the universe, it's to find someone who is compatible with you. That being said, I think there were much better ways to handle that interaction. Telling someone that you are a "relationship girl" or that you don't do XYZ before ABC is best done in person. Texting was a very poor choice to communicate your value system to him. When you get a late night or last minute date invite, you can simply respond that you're not available, send a delayed response the next morning, or ignore the message altogether. All three are effective at deterring repeat attempts. How are you conveying that you are interested in him? What have you done? Responding to his text messages and accepting date requests is insufficient here. What have you done of your own accord to demonstrate that you would like to see things continue? Based on the information you've shared, he sounds like a guy who was interested in you who was simply trying to get to know you better. Nothing suggested that he was out to use you for sex then disappear. My guess is he isn't quite sure what to make of your reactions. Is it possible you might have trust issues stemming from your breakup? Just a thought. Not every man is out to take advantage of you. There are some genuinely good guys out there. Learn to recognize them and give them a chance, rather than assuming everyone is a player.
SoulJazzBlues Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I cant comment on his intentions for that particular night. But if you were feeling the guy but didn't want to take the next step physically, you could have texted back playfully suggesting a different date or changed the subject subtlety? Saying you dont do XYZ unless you get ABC just screams like a person who will potentially use sex as a bargaining/argument tool.
Author myriam5182 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 I went back and looked at your threads.... If you are 31..... How long are you expecting to wait until you have sex? Your reaction to him because he touched your leg sent the absolute wrong message to him. So date 4 to him was "Ill give her one last shot and see what happens" Who says he was trying to even have sex with you...he was just touching you. The message you sent to him is you arent getting any and your wanted to play games. This is typical of someone in their teens/early 20s. This is not typical of someone 30+. I am not saying doing it on date 1. If you have dates in a short period like 3 dates in 5 its too soon to sleep with him. there is a time to commit to it. Your behavior likely sent him the message of Im not doing it, Im a tease , and you arent going to get any for sometime. If you are straight forward and honest with them they will respect it. when you are coy and trying to be cute they say screw this. Since you guys met online you cant assume you are the only one he is dating. He likely was dating someone else---someone he actually was able to sleep with...thus he disappeared and decided to go with the other person because he wasnt in the mood to play games. Heres the thing, you all have some points, was he dating other people absolutely , I just got out of a 7 year relationship things have changed a lot of forums guys expect it by the 3rd date , like forreal? Secondly Im an attractive girl Ive gone on ton of dates, have tons of experience I've met plenty of guys who just want to sleep with me because Im attractive. Lets face it guys can be douche bags, they hit it and go. So because I wasnt going to sleep with him on date 3. yeeah I freaked when he touched my kneee and left. No Im not going to sleep with him on date 3 I feel no bond with him see him every 3 weeks so Im supp to sleep with to make him stay? Screw that! Next, I met a ton of guys who said they would wait Im not sleeping with some guy so hopes he'll stick around! 1
Author myriam5182 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 I cant comment on his intentions for that particular night. But if you were feeling the guy but didn't want to take the next step physically, you could have texted back playfully suggesting a different date or changed the subject subtlety? Saying you dont do XYZ unless you get ABC just screams like a person who will potentially use sex as a bargaining/argument tool. I agree, Im just always straight up, but honestly I feel like hes that guy that expects it by the third date and isnt willing to wait hes just dating/ sleeping around . I wanted a relationship not to sleep with him in hopes he stays, I didnt want to tell him hey after date 5 youll get it..... its okay there are plenty other fish in the sea... so cliche but that will wait (not many I know)
SoulJazzBlues Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I agree, Im just always straight up, but honestly I feel like hes that guy that expects it by the third date and isnt willing to wait hes just dating/ sleeping around . I wanted a relationship not to sleep with him in hopes he stays, I didnt want to tell him hey after date 5 youll get it..... its okay there are plenty other fish in the sea... so cliche but that will wait (not many I know) It's good to be honest but in early stages of dating, some ways of being 'honest' like verbally stating 'i wont sleep with you', just kills the fun out of the getting to know you state. I'd say plenty of men out there who are respectful and will wait till the woman is comfortable. I am not convinced that was the issue here. I think you may have just come across a bit negative. But yes, plenty of fish out there.
happykat Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 (edited) I totally agree with the above poster. Your personal 5 date rule is fine, but to declare it to your date may across as negative and calculating. Why not just keep it to yourself and "go with the flow", and discuss it only if the subject comes up. Like I once had a man tell me that I'm "hard to gauge" after a few dates because I wasn't getting all touchy feely - at that point I told him that I like to take things slow and wait until I feel that emotional connection. Also - a man friend recently told me that he rejected a girl that right away told him about her "5 date rule". He definitely has no problem waiting, but the fact that she already has this "formula" about how things should go totally turned him off. Edited June 3, 2013 by happykat 1
charlietheginger Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Plenty of fish in the sea imo is a silly statement.... Ive been fishing most the time you catch catfish toadfish blow fish , sting rays... In otherwards lots of garbage in the sea . If you hook onto a quality fish and want to real it in Sometimes you gotta use what you got to bring in the fish... Lots of women play games , good guys are repelled by games And move away.... Players dooches and aholes love games they will stick Around just long enough to have sex show you who Wins the game then dump you in a hearrbeat
BluEyeL Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Still, I think this guy wasn't into you as much, so although you might have handled it a bit better and be less abrupt, I don't think it would have worked out, IMO. Do what feels right. Try to be more diplomatic next time. And you're going to like another man just as much or more. Take it as a learning experience.
Phantom888 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Well I will add I thought the connection was great we vibed everytime and the attraction was so there soooo there hehe! Wish he would of waited:cool: I would not mind waiting.....for 10th date even. It seems like the woman always suggest sex sooner than I expect. If the connection was so great, I wonder why he opted to disappear. It is not common to have great spark and chemistry with someone, so it's worth the wait.
jcrew11 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Secondly Im an attractive girl Ive gone on ton of dates, have tons of experience I've met plenty of guys who just want to sleep with me because Im attractive. Lets face it guys can be douche bags, they hit it and go. So because I wasnt going to sleep with him on date 3. yeeah I freaked when he touched my kneee and left. No Im not going to sleep with him on date 3 I feel no bond with him see him every 3 weeks so Im supp to sleep with to make him stay? Screw that! Next, I met a ton of guys who said they would wait Im not sleeping with some guy so hopes he'll stick around! I was going to say that some women "over-estimate" their desirability and attractiveness as "wife material." Some men don't want to get married or a wife or a steady girlfriend. Then there are some men who don't see you as wife material for whatever reason. But you sound pretty aware and experienced of Players. But guys also want physical validation that they are not being "friend-zoned" and wasting their time when there are other women who want to sleep with them. You can get physical without having intercourse - you can do over the clothes groping and let him touch your boobs, you can give him a handjob or have him go down on you. But dating is expensive and he might not want to spend a lot of money on you, if you are "unsure about the relationship." And, if you are acting cold and frigid now, then he thinks you will be cold and frigid in the future. Just try to act warmer and reassuring.
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